Lost in my Mind | The Art of Poetry | Page 1

unkempt kettle Aug 9, 2024, 4:02 PM

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Literally me

cyan oar Aug 9, 2024, 4:02 PM

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woah... the second i post

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I kinda need some feedback on this cuz, idek if this was a good idea for a poem

unkempt kettle Aug 9, 2024, 4:03 PM

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cyan oar woah... the second i post

Giving others the treatment I’ll never have ✨🎀

cyan oar Aug 9, 2024, 4:03 PM

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@torpid lion Pls feedback
@mellow moat
@cedar dirge

cyan oar Aug 9, 2024, 4:04 PM

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unkempt kettle Giving others the treatment I’ll never have ✨🎀

<3 you are a good person

unkempt kettle Aug 9, 2024, 4:05 PM

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Thank you

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I WROTE A POEM AND ITS NOT POSTING GRRRRR

cyan oar Aug 9, 2024, 4:05 PM

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why nooottt

unkempt kettle Aug 9, 2024, 4:06 PM

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“Content blocked by this server” ITS ABOUT SOCIAL ANIXETY

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I JUST USED A SWEAR WORD

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wait maybe that’s it 😭😭

cyan oar Aug 9, 2024, 4:07 PM

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Omg... gurl, this poem right here is also social anxiety kinda :O

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Well, it was going to be, then this somehow happened

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Which is why I want feedback from val and rosey

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To see if I made mistakes i should avoid

cyan oar Aug 9, 2024, 4:08 PM

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unkempt kettle wait maybe that’s it 😭😭

yeah

unkempt kettle Aug 9, 2024, 4:08 PM

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I posted it

unkempt kettle Aug 9, 2024, 4:09 PM

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cyan oar Omg... gurl, this poem right here is also social anxiety kinda :O

Omg yes that’s why I love it sm

cyan oar Aug 9, 2024, 4:21 PM

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I'm having an influx of motivation for poems

unkempt kettle Aug 9, 2024, 4:21 PM

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ME TOO

cyan oar Aug 9, 2024, 4:21 PM

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SLAYYY

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(mostly mental health poems)

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(insanity 😜 )

cedar dirge Aug 9, 2024, 5:05 PM

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Honestly

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I don't see at all why you were conflicted about it

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On top of great writing and structure

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The theme is good too

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I do have one suggestion before i say anything else

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"but my tears are soaked up by sheets of fluff"

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Since you have incorporated "on the clouds" and "below heaven" before this

cyan oar Aug 9, 2024, 5:07 PM

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cedar dirge I don't see at all why you were conflicted about it

It kinda turned out like this unexpectantly, while I had something else in mind yet this was still good. Maybe I'm overwhelmed by the amount of ideas each stanza gave me for other poems

cedar dirge Aug 9, 2024, 5:08 PM

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Perhaps you could also use something like ".... Sheets of fluff,
Rained down in gloom upon my world."
Like just a vague example of what could've been done perhaps?

cedar dirge Aug 9, 2024, 5:08 PM

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cyan oar It kinda turned out like this unexpectantly, while I had something else in mind ...

Don't be overwhelmed!!
Note everything down and I'm sure you'll come up with even more amazing poems

cyan oar Aug 9, 2024, 5:09 PM

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cedar dirge Perhaps you could also use something like ".... Sheets of fluff, Rained down in ...

That's super vague 😭

cedar dirge Aug 9, 2024, 5:09 PM

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cyan oar That's super vague 😭

Like

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Since you already wrote

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The idea of tears soaked up by clouds

cyan oar Aug 9, 2024, 5:09 PM

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mhm

cedar dirge Aug 9, 2024, 5:09 PM

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So following that

cyan oar Aug 9, 2024, 5:09 PM

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(The clouds being the sheets of my bed lol)

cedar dirge Aug 9, 2024, 5:10 PM

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"(the tears) rained down as gloom upon my world"

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Or something like that

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Nevermind

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I guess it doesn't make sense outside my mind

cyan oar Aug 9, 2024, 5:10 PM

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It's okay, I will look into it, ty for the suggestion

cedar dirge Aug 9, 2024, 5:13 PM

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"your smile and upside down frown"
"as if i could not work any further than my breath"
🔥🔥

cyan oar Aug 9, 2024, 5:13 PM

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I have so many poem ideas rn

cedar dirge Aug 9, 2024, 5:13 PM

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I'm sorry I'm unable to give you feedback good enough to clear your doubts😔

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That responsibility is best entrusted to rosey and val

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But as far as my 2 cents matter

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I love the poem

cyan oar Aug 9, 2024, 5:14 PM

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cedar dirge I'm sorry I'm unable to give you feedback good enough to clear your doubts😔

You must know that I appreciate words like I appreciate my presents - I don't care how minimal or simple they are, they are still a gift to me <3

#Lost in my Mind