BORN TO LOVE?

[onyx urchin]

This was very good, thank you for sharing

[undone nimbus]

Thank you for reading!! Just stringed these words 5 min ago, glad u liked it:))))

[main cloak]

wow rhis poem really captures the ups and downs of love, hope, and disappointment.

starts off with u feeling confident and hopeful, but then takes a turn when u realize that the world isn't always as easy or generous as u thought

u also talks abt how being too hopeful and loving others too much can leave u feeling broken and disappointed. but in the end, u decides to keep loving authentically, while also being mindful of the potential pain that can come from it, i gotta say it's a powerful msg abt resilience and learning from past experiences!

[elfin totem]

This is a really good dish,is this talking about expectation and reality of the world?

[lusty prairie]

Wonderful! @elfin totem has just pregressed to level 15!

[undone nimbus]

Thank you so much for reading!!..i love ur comment , u have explained the soul i put in this piece so well!..i am so euphoric that people are getting what i have tried to express...it genuinely feels good..:)))

[undone nimbus]

Thankyou so much!! I'm grateful for u taking out time to read..
And yeah you can say that ..gotta say world is not always fair but we are who we are right? Can't change that..so to be who we are and not let the world think they can change us with their unfair ways. It hurts sometimes, painful even but we have to rise and be better, improve so to tell that we don't need their validation to be who we are....the comment before u have explained it in much detail.
Thank u once again. Have a great day!:))

@hushed sandal i would love if u would give it a read:)) any type of feedback and criticism is welcome...

[mortal minnow]

its good!!

[hushed sandal]

This poem seems to be primarily about disillusionment with love and possibly with life in general. There is a dispair here in the voice of the speaker. They seem to be railing against themselves for having ever bought in to the whole song and dance while simultaneously regarding the desire for it as inevitable and somewhat undeniable.

If that’s not relatable well then gosh I guess I don’t know what is. I think you’ve hit on a very human state. Very nice work.

As for critique. There are a few rhymes here that feel a bit stretched. And the syllable structure is a bit confusing.

I thought the world belonged to me, 8
mine to live, mine to glee. 6
Only, when it pushed me far, 7
stored hopes were set ajar,6
Then when the truth was dawned,6
my love for it was left forlorn.8

Now free verse is a perfectly valid way to write a poem. But this feels like it wants to be structured because of how close it is to being so already.

The rhyme mine to glee, while not difficult to parse the meaning intended doesn’t exactly read correctly as glee is a noun not a verb

Let’s isolate this couplet.

Then when the truth was dawned,
my love for it was left forlorn.

I’m not totally sure you wanted these to rhyme, but let’s assume you did. Here are two examples of how you could do so with 8,8 syllable structure

Then when the truth had fully dawned,
Some loveless voice within me spawned.

And when the truth revealed it’s scorn
My heart was left bemused, forlorn

I hope this criticism is not demoralizing. It’s my hope to be helpful. I do like the poem and please feel free to tag me any time. Lovely work!