#Dear Laysan Albatross

24 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

scarlet portal
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@severe ferry

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@bright niche

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@coral sluice

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@vagrant grail

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@cyan dirge

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@violet wagon

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<@&1145760802666717234>

severe ferry
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Escape to the hills
Whence the silence ensconce the sleeping sun
Enchantment laced through the mist,
And undertones by the Laysan's worlds….. 😳👌🏻

scarlet portal
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@native torrent

cyan dirge
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May live long,
The words asleep,
Shan't none plague,
Cherish none of tender deceit.🗣️

bright niche
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This one could definitely use a few stanza breaks, lovely word choices and a great title, you use some great alliteration in this one, their everlasting, poignant, wanderlust🔥

scarlet portal
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@dusk fable

native torrent
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I can feel a strong sense of loss, isolation, and a longing for peace within the verses. The albatross, a symbol of resilience and freedom, seems to carry the weight of these emotions.

scarlet portal
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@grave river

scarlet portal
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@viscid juniper

viscid juniper
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This is what I call true art

scarlet portal
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@sick parcel

sick parcel
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I read a deep need for guidance from this poem. Beautifully written. If you so desire, perhaps adding more birds would strengthen/sharpen the poem to a particular message you want? E.g crows and death, mockingbirds and innocence, swans and grace, etc

scarlet portal
grave river
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Great work as always, and a pleasure to read.
There are a couple things I noticed though- for one, the archaic pronouns kind of stand out amidst the rest of the poem. It isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it surprised me while reading as they sort of seemed out of place here.
The other thing is the absence of stanza breaks, which Azure_Rosey pointed out already.
But other than that… it’s a beautifully visual and interesting poem that could be interpreted different ways.

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You’re really good at writing! NoizeLoves

scarlet portal
scarlet portal
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@tired rune