Conversations, Kisses & Musings

[ember viper]

<@&1145760802666717234>

[violet field]

*pats on the back

[ember viper]

@proper dawn

@vital surge

@safe bison

@lyric merlin

@prisma grove

@raw topaz

@odd carbon

@proper dawn

@red sigil

[prisma grove]

“You won’t find the same person twice, or even in same persons eyes”

Damn I love that line

Good job

[ember viper]

Thanks, I’m glad you enjoyed reading it 😊

[prisma grove]

(:

[ember viper]

@brisk pulsar

[ember viper]

@lime gorge

[lime gorge]

hello

ok fine ill feedback

u better feedback to mine

#1259903992213934162

[ember viper]

I’m already on it 😅

[lime gorge]

1. it's giving seductive. lowkey kinda cool, got me thinking this was spicy, then a turn off "do you ever feel lonely" got me thinking for a minute there. its like a lost child, and someone suddenly asks you the reality to the actions your doing, you probably took a lot of thought into it, but it's something you just thought of,

something that makes the viewer think a lot more than you did writing it

2. line four and five perfectly described the feeling of the person, I think it would've been better if you used a more unique way of portraying the emotion, since it felt like a book line.

3. ok so it's actually really good but I don't wannna compliment it anymore longer since I don't like it, but I'm the really picky type so if I was in another poets preview I think this would 100% make sense and I'd totally like it.

"How many kisses have we shared"
That line directed me to another idea. You portray so much emotions and ideas here, but this line got me totally straight thinking you were thinking when you made me poem. That's good. But I think it's better to say "he sighed and enquired" rather "he signed, then enquired" but que sera sera amigo

(That's part one feedback, let me type part two)

2. "aren't I still me?" This line totally made sense to the poem yet it's so distant to ur idea. i hoped you keep it straight, would've been better, but whatever. it's how the poem goes, makes it more vibrant than a boring one. (Coz you hit me with reality speaking lines 😂)

"She looked at him puzzled...."

probably better if you said

"she looked at him puzzled"

without the periods, portrayed it better, it looked kinda cringe when you put those dots, but you do you 😁

paragraph two and three is okay, kinda basic, but not as good as stanza one. it's like the ending of a story, but sometimes endings can be boring. but boring doesn't always have to be just boring, it could've had more reality hitting parts. but it's good I guess

that's all

i apologize if I insulted you in some of my remarks

it's just the way i do it

[lean apex]

*i apologize

if I insulted you in

some of my remarks*

- zuki

[lime gorge]

im very sorry

@ember viper

[ember viper]

So…you somewhat like it 😅

[lime gorge]

yes yes

[ember viper]

@shrewd harness

[shrewd harness]

This is a lovely depiction of a thoughtful and intimate conversation.

[brisk pulsar]

Hi, we're not like that. Don't ping me directly ❤️

[ember viper]

😯

[vital surge]

damn this peace beautifully captures the intimate and complex nature of human connection. the dialogue between the characters is both tender and thought-provoking. the man's metaphor about kisses being like chapters in a shared narrative is especially poignant, the imagery of "raindrops in a tempest" and "evening shadows" adds a lyrical quality to the scene, enhancing the emotional depth. its a touching exploration of love, loneliness, and the ever-evolving nature of relationships. great job!

[ember viper]

Your kind words mean a lot to me. It's great to hear you enjoyed the emotional journey that this piece had to offer. Thanks for your feedback 😊

@earnest hazel

[red sigil]

The last stanza... Oh my GOD IM AWESTRUCK!!! This is one of my favs now! YOU'VE DONE A DAMN GREAT JOB... With all due respect, I'm amused by your writing skills and talents! Well done, oh god, this one, it's so good! And beautiful! ❤️

[ember viper]

https://tenor.com/view/keyaan-john-wick-keanu-reeves-gif-16780356647091665393

[earnest hazel]

Ouch ouch! The details are too sweet

Sorry for the lil feedback. Once my exams are done, I'll go through this one twice🪽

[ember viper]

Thank you so much I’m glad you enjoyed reading it. 😊

[ember viper]

Sure, I’ll appreciate that.

[sharp cedar]

This one's pretty basic theme wise, a direct narrative played out as a poem, I'd love to see more depth/ unique ways to portray the emotions you chose, especially in the fourth and fifth lines, a few of your lines feel like pieces of a novel rather than poetical lines, which isn't necessarily bad, the ellipsis takes away from your poem a bit because it doesn't fit with your other choices, you did strongly portraying emotions and your theme and it's a good poem overall💜

[ember viper]

Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts on my poem.

Regarding the ellipsis, as you may know, it's often used to signify a pause. Consider the line
she looked at him puzzled… When someone gives a puzzled look, they naturally pause to think or process what was said before responding, don't they ?

[sharp cedar]

Using it that way would be similar to how an audio description would work, your poem character is puzzled, not the reader, which is why the disconnect from the rest of your poem occurs

[ember viper]

Ah ok, while I see your concern about potential disconnect, my intention was to utilize the ellipsis to indicate a deliberate pause in the character's thought process, inviting readers to linger on the uncertainty being portrayed.

[ember viper]

@ruby sluice (re tag)