#escape

12 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

tranquil wing
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And what of hope? 
Can you see the light , 
When everything around you goes dark? 
Does it fade, like drifting headlights?
Does it seem bright,
The way the moon lights the midnight sky? 
Is it scattered, in the little things, 
The way the stars shine in the darkness?

What do you do, 
When the world goes black?
When there is no light,
And you can't even see your own hands?
What about when it gets cold,
You can't even feel your own body? 
Will the light shine, will the sun come up? 
Will warmth flood in, will you feel again?

Do you wait,
Even though it feels like you are dying? 
What do you do, then?

What do you do,
When your thoughts grow dark,
Like storm clouds,
And all you hear is thunder?
The memories blinding, violent ,
Like flashes of lightning ?

The air,
Becoming thick with dread,
Electrifying the atmosphere,
So much you cannot breathe...

How do you
Escape?

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@devout seal
@knotty swallow
@rain crater
@fast veldt
@edgy vine

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@cobalt canopy

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This is a rough draft but was hoping for some feedback, thoughts, etc

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@coarse flare

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@silk zinc

cobalt canopy
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The memories blinding, violent ,
Like flashes of lightning ? I like the rhyme, quite decent poem I love how it is turning out

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All i can say is maybe work on the format, its not a must I'm just saying and if your heart desires to add more lines do so

tired gull
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I'd say your wording could use some more "oomph". Certain phrases or words you use are lacking the impact in a few of your lines. On the second to last stanza you could try "Air saturated with dread, A static atmosphere, Electric to the touch, yet unable to breathe." I think you do have potential with this rough draft though if you polish it

knotty swallow
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the repetition of "what do u do" kinda gieves a sense of desperation and urgency, which adds to the overall tone of uncertainty and confusion

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the symbolism used, like the moonlight lightning/thunder part, adds depth and meaning to the poem