#The Puzzle Of Passion

1 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

trim frigate
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Ah, love..
The riddle without a key,
Veiled in mystery eternally.
Writers & poets dance on ink-stained floors,
Seeking truths behind closed doors.

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<@&1145760802666717234>

tawdry umbra
# trim frigate <@&1145760802666717234>

oh! I just saw this poem from you in smaller server!

my feelings on the poem:
I think this poem is good and the words flow well together but I feel it's little cliche and you could make this longer. the poem leaves many questions.

my advice:
you could talk more about the mystery of love or the writers and poets that try to convey and understand love.

expanding on the metaphor would help this poem feel less cliche and leave less questions

hollow relic
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I absolutely love this

tawdry umbra
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I think it is a very good poem for how much it conveys with so few lines. I just think I could benefit from a few more lines to make it less vague.

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(please lmk if any of my advice changes something you were trying to intentionally do)

trim frigate
trim frigate
tawdry umbra
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maybe if you add more about how elusive love is you could make the poem longer (if you want).

tawdry umbra
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you could write about the the indescribable-ness of love in a way that ties into the key/door theme

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maybe if you add a metaphor about locks that could work (or any other cohesive metaphor you can think of).

trim frigate
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Ok, I’ll give it a shot