#The Puzzle Of Passion
1 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)
oh! I just saw this poem from you in smaller server!
my feelings on the poem:
I think this poem is good and the words flow well together but I feel it's little cliche and you could make this longer. the poem leaves many questions.
my advice:
you could talk more about the mystery of love or the writers and poets that try to convey and understand love.
expanding on the metaphor would help this poem feel less cliche and leave less questions
This poem feels deep and rich compared to its size
I absolutely love this
I think it is a very good poem for how much it conveys with so few lines. I just think I could benefit from a few more lines to make it less vague.
(please lmk if any of my advice changes something you were trying to intentionally do)
My attempt with this piece was to circle back a bit or you can say stating the timeless truth: love eludes all attempts at explanation or expression.
& idk if I make it any longer, it may sound too repetitive.
Thanks, I’m glad you liked it. 😊
maybe if you add more about how elusive love is you could make the poem longer (if you want).
🤔
you could write about the the indescribable-ness of love in a way that ties into the key/door theme
maybe if you add a metaphor about locks that could work (or any other cohesive metaphor you can think of).
Ok, I’ll give it a shot