#Feedback wanted

63 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

tribal summit
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Time’s Tapestry

Our sky doth prate a twist’d tale,
Sun kiss’d clouds altered that strong gale,
With an eastern glance fumes separate,
Uncover’d; tapestries are bold of late,
Flank to flank beauty’s presence doth hold,
Pages of nuance - time maketh so cold.

Gentle gesture of lustful love,
For thy thoughts are of mine gentle dove,
Time’s tale told torture; dreading departure,
For thy mind is brimm’d, swirl’d by rapture.

A vortex holds only thy self-image;
Shattered soul dressed in a viscous visage,
The tallest torso stands - looking so stupid,
Trunks entrenched by sand so fluid,

Grains groan in longing for a gentle wrath,
Kindness kept only for a forgetful face,
One which leaves my face in pure disgrace,
Bathing me in that sun kiss’d bath.

Starry skies, regretful demise,
Draped in myriads of autumns hue,
Thy tilted head glares upon our skies,
Dilated wholly in that dream of you.

A canvas blank in every way,
Dashed by red and spots of blue,
One blot doth refract the times in may,
Where kindness kindled, between me; and you.

glad violetBOT
tribal summit
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<@&1144090752457113794>

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<@&1145760802666717234>

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@atomic pier @silk lake

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@sleek kayak @viscid topaz

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@delicate radish @opaque charm

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@compact creek

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@lost nest

sleek kayak
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but anyways, this poem is full of rich imagery and emotion, i like it

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the opening lines abt the twisted tale of our sky and sunkissed clouds line really create a sense of movement and change

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the way u use of words like "fumes," "flank," and "nuance" also gives a sense of tension and complication

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The description of "gentle gesture of lustful love, for thy thoughts are of mine gentile dove" really gives a sense of longing and desire

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and the mention of a "vortex holding only thy selfimage" and a "shattered soul dressed in a viscous visage" add a sense of pain. i like it!

tribal summit
sleek kayak
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real

tribal summit
sleek kayak
# tribal summit Always so literate in feedback I love it, you must’ve been good at English or wh...

youre too nice blursob but It's difficult to give specific feedback on lines that might be disruptive to the flow and scheme of ur poem without knowing the overall structure and rhyme scheme u had in mindthinkesra , but overall, ur writing is very strong and engaging!! but the complicated language or metaphor can make some of the readers difficult to flw i guess? its fine for me tho, but thats just generally speaking hehe

tribal summit
sleek kayak
silk lake
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Very nice written. Like the rhymes tale-gale, hold-cold,

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I very like that and i would recomend that to others :))

tribal summit
delicate radish
tribal summit
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@undone rune @keen swift @grizzled bolt @obsidian vector

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@old gust

old gust
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it feels like ur tugging on my wrist and wrenching me into an intervention room

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/lh

old gust
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mmm nevermind ur not a straner

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stranger

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i shall spare a little penny to ur koi pond of a poem

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only bc its nice :3

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im so tired so this feedback is gonna be absolute dinkleballs but im gonna try for u babe

9k.png
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i dont understand anything in this poem

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: (

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me never studied translated notes on the other page of shakespeare plays

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im gonna try im gonna try

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comprehension is not a destination but a journey

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"Flank to flank beauty’s presence doth hold," YEA YEA! FLANK BEAUTY AND HOLD THAT S###

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im not afraid to say it i have no idea what all this means bc of its vivid imagery

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but honestly thats the beauty of it

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its pulling u in different directions and throwing ideas and concepts at you

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which honestly is makin me feel like a newborn baby bird

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its so art pop and other words

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i like it i give it 8/10

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pre good, not my usual cup of tea but i cant help but admire the handicraft of the words and imagery

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"The tallest torso stands - looking so stupid,"
The tallest torso who ever lived be like:

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as for meaning, im torn between this bein ab self discovery or worshipping a partner or finding connection in ones self that you treat your soul and body like they are partners

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imagine that

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soul and body epic rap battle turns into passionate marriage which ends up achieving self actualization

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maslow is rolling in his grave

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all while flanking beauty and holdin it in your arms like wafts of pungent flesh

sleek kayak
echo marten
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Another beautiful one, you won me over immediately with the line “shattered soul dressing in a viscous visage”

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The repeat of sun kissed was also very nice, we love that

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Just fantastic all around, really like your style of writing, it’s so intriguing and engaging

tribal summit
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Thank you so much for the feedback it means a lot ❤️

echo marten
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Anytime! And I mean it, when you post anything else I’d love to read it