odd pawn
The fog covers the skies
light fades as dark clouds rise
The pitter of rain drowns all sense
thunder groans intermittently in suspense
The storm is brewing
the wind is rustling
The trees are shaking
and twigs are breaking
The birds are quiet
The bursts of violet
Sheltered I listen, my mind is silent
The sounds echo and roar so violent
With the smell of rain like brass
I wait for the storm to pass
In awe of the world torn asunder
I look up at the sky, full of wonder.
scarlet wadi
while rhyming isnt my thing
i love the rhyming in this poem
the visualization of every thing is very nice as well
"The storm is brewing
the wind is rustling
The trees are shaking
and twigs are breaking
I wait for the storm to pass
The smell of rain like brass
in awe of the world torn asunder
look up at the sky in wonder."
definitely my favorite part of the poem
especially "The smell of rain like brass"
very nice poem
visualization is on fleek
definitely your strong suit
odd pawn
definitely your strong suit
Thanks i changed it back to how i had it first, do you think it works better like this?
I appreciate your feedback
scarlet wadi
Thanks i changed it back to how i had it first, do you think it works better lik...
let me read over it again
wise impBOT
let me read over it again
Wonderful! @scarlet wadi has just pregressed to level 1!
scarlet wadi
personally to rhyme the last two lines i would done it like this
"in awe of the world torn asunder
look up at the sky, all full of wonder."
odd pawn
Yeah i changed it originally because i didn't like finishing on those last two lines
odd pawn
I think it sounds good thanks i agree its better
scarlet wadi
ever since reading your poem ive had a brassy feeling on my lips
white viperBOT
scarlet wadi
cause i walked outside while it was raining while i was thinking about it
odd pawn
Yeah it is a kind of brassy smell
scarlet wadi
what a haiku indeed
odd pawn
what a haiku indeed
agreed, a great haiku