#Aukat ke bahar (Out of my status)

41 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

echo agate
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Someone said, "Tu ne usse purcha kyu nahi.(Why didn't you ask her out?)

I said:

Woh khilte gulab ki mehak si, 
Aur mein uske aas pass bhatakta bhavro sa.

Uski aankhe aasman mein chamkti bijli si, 
Aur mein khambe pe uljhe tar sa.

Woh simp ke andar ke moti si, 
Mein samandar ka khara pani sa.

Woh naye kitabon ki khusbu si, 
Mein koi jale kagazon ka dher sa.

Woh raasta dikhati roshni si, 
Mein andhere mein bhatakte parchai sa.

Woh garmiyon ke koi sharbat si, 
Mein tute hue koi gilas sa.

Woh thi kisi aashiq ke muqammal Mohabbat si, 
Mein tanhai mein jeeta koi devdas sa.

Woh uns, ishq, akidat, ibaadat, junun, dilkashi si. 
Mein mohabbat ke saatve mukam muat se mansub sa.

She was like a blooming flower's scent, 
I was just a bug hovering around it.

Her eyes like a lightning roaring in the sky, 
I was just a cable tangled on a pole.

She was like a pearl inside a clam, 
I was just the saline water of the ocean.

She was like the smell of a new book, 
I was just a pile of ashes of burnt books.

She was like the path showing light, 
I was just a shadow lost in darkness.

She was like a cold beer in summer, 
I was just a lost broken mug.

She was like the living love story of a lover, 
I was just a soul lost in memories.

She was like savory attachment, affection and dedication of love, 
I was just a soul familiar with the final stage of it, death.

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@surreal eagle
Metaphorical poem in my style.

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@willow umbra

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@terse palm

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@bleak zinc

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@timid fulcrum

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@regal edge

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@strong nimbus

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@strong nimbus

timid fulcrum
# echo agate Someone said, "Tu ne usse purcha kyu nahi.(Why didn't you ask her out?)  I sai...

"She was like a cold beer in summer." I love this description.. this poem is very reminiscent of radiohead's song "creep" and I like it! However the 4th line with the books seemed to be repetitive, maybe switch out the second "book" with "pages" instead. But overall, I'm very fond of the realness of your idea/concept. Is this a transformation of your real life experience into poetry?

echo agate
timid fulcrum
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Oh, I understand. It just stood out 🙂 I like the idea

surreal eagle
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I like the contrast in the poem, and the repetition you use to get your point across, very well done 💕
Critique: in your third line is it meant to be lightning instead of lighting?

echo agate
strong nimbus
echo agate
strong nimbus
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It was lovely

echo agate
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Thanks ❤️

echo agate
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@surreal eagle
Fun fact, this was written while thinking about you.

surreal eagle
echo agate
strong nimbus
echo agate
strong nimbus
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You deserve love
Don't you think the person willing to love you deserves ur love

echo agate
strong nimbus
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Tu unn mehfilon me khwab sajana chod de
Uski gali jana chod de
Tu kyu thukra raha hai uska pyar
Jo tujhse usi tarah mohaabat karti hai
Jaise tu karta tha usse

strong nimbus
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But remember every love starts with friendship

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So be friends with ma rosy

echo agate
echo agate
strong nimbus
echo agate
strong nimbus
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Yeah