#A Lonely Girl in a Lonely World

17 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

opaque spire
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Living in a bustling world of fake smiles, she walks alone
amidst the chorus of chaotic noise, she is on her own,
her thoughts, like gentle whispers, resonate in her mind.
she seeks answers, in a void of vanity, that she hopes to find.

Her gaze turns inwards, only to find a tsunami of unease,
a swirling storm of unrest,, her emotions freeze.
like an avalanche, her questions crash against each other,
and she finds she can’t protect herself, no place to cover.

As the cyclone resides and her thoughts turn back a gentle caress,
she finds she can analyze the situation, and critically assess.
Why does loneliness take root in our gardens of affection,
rotting our plants and casting us in a state of abjection?

Modern whispers urge her on a quest of self-reliance,
where she only finds a barren desert of silence.
Sending out a beacon of hope across the great divide,
She finds an atmosphere of indifference and compliance,
where people seem to be trapped and tongue-tied,
because we are society’s pawns and puppets, being spied.
Or perhaps they are too focused on their own self,
on taming their own wild beasts and acquiring wealth,
too busy to extend a hand like a bridge over troubled seas,
to those who have been brought down to their knees.

In her solitude, one day she might find a voice,
in her quietude, may one day she make a pleasant choice,
to seek the real, the raw, the simple, the true,
to unleash to toxic bonds and start anew.
For in a modern day of solitary cries,
she’ll find the truth behind the lies.
And so, she will walk, not lonely, but free,
in the light of her own thoughtful company.
for solitude is the richness of being by oneself,
while loneliness is the lack of self-control itself.

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A Lonely Girl in a Lonely World

sage veldt
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Firstly, the form. From someone obsessed with rhyming, I love that you rhyme every line and still make it feel natural and the transitions seamless. Poems like these are hard to find.

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Secondly, the content. I love the statement "solitude is the richness of being by oneself,
while loneliness is the lack of self-control itself." And I think the view that "loneliness take (s) root in our gardens of affection" is spot on, though the juxtaposition that follows seems cliche to me.

opaque spire
shut scroll
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your works always flow so well, what a beautiful poem yet again ^^ i love the lines "where letters were cherished and friendships slowly grew" and "A social epidemic of souls lost in a faceless crowd" as i think that w the internet, friendships are made so rapidly and yet they seem more fleeting than ever and ive met ppl whose ideas of a friendship consists on watching tiktoks together rather than having actual conversations and playing outside. This poem is very up to date esp w the increasing in the "popularity" of the hikikomori "lifestyle", etc That being said, i feel lucky to have the friends i have bc they like to party, esp when it comes to a village party, to go hiking, to play uno and even tag or to js run around, etc, which are becoming rarer things from what ive seen, esp since so many kids around my age (mainly girls) feel such a weird need to be more mature and to stop playing. Ive always been surrounded by ppl who like to go out, but i myself have struggled w isolation and still struggle w social anxiety so i can relate to the text. i think that in a way almost everyone who lives in this day and age can relate to it to a degree (esp bc of covid). btw i think the ending stanza is absolutely perfect, my fav one <3

opaque spire
sage veldt
opaque spire
opaque spire
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@sage veldt what about talking about capitilism and consumerism and individualism? Would that be less cliche or the same?

sage veldt
# opaque spire <@1144643979573481593> what about talking about capitilism and consumerism and i...

I think if you think of them almost right away then they're already cliche to you. But cliche isn't necessarily a bad thing. I think what's more important is how you explore and present these factors in your poem. There are plenty of people who would blame the same things - capitalism, consumerism, individualism, but their arguments are roughly the same. I wouldn't recommend taking these concepts as wholes but rather dissecting each of them into small bits. Capitalism is first and foremost a mode of economy, and should be treated as such. The free competition and markets within capitalist countries (economically! - do not juxtapose capitalism against communism or socialism or anything else politically - incomparable, or ideologically - flawed, too many people make this mistake) drive lots of advancements. I think it will be better to examine the philosophies (I hate philosophy so I won't talk about that - just sounds like a lot of buzzwords to me) and/or consequential reflexes and/or mindsets that follow capitalism's introduction, including consumerism. But individualism should be examined independently, with relations to the other two, and not as a philosophy (predetermined) but as a behavioral tendency and the defense arguments that follow (post-determined) .
But hey, if you want to write about that then I really encourage you to write a new poem entirely. Your finished poems shouldn't be altered too much, they're your poems. And how to examine these factors and to what depth is up to you.

opaque spire
opaque spire
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@sage veldt Is it better now? Sorry to bother you XD

opaque spire
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Yayyy

sonic solstice
# opaque spire Living in a bustling world of fake smiles, she walks alone amidst the chorus of ...

its a really good poem, I love the rhyme and flow within the poem, if you further add internal rhyme which work with external rhyme and some auditory elements it will enhance the poem, if you are looking for an example of the poem you can look for bells by alan poe.
once again it is a very good poem, i won't comment on imaginary, author has it own theme in mind and 1000 critics generally have there own version of imaginary, it dosen't uses overwhelming metaphor or symbols but overall it goes well in creating a soothing reading experience.