i hate that i love you

[bright depot]

i hate that war inside my head,
battling love with pain, day and night.
each memory cuts like a knife,
each word inflicts another wound,
yet this stupid dear heart holds onto you.

i hate how i see myself in the mirror,
every morning when i wake up,
weak and pleading,
a shadow of who i once was,
wondering why i let you tear me down.

i hate those moments of false hope,
when your lips utter sweet lies,
filling my mind with delusions,
only to be met with your cold indifference,
leaving me even more desperate.

i hate when i dream of escape,
a life free from your haunting shadow.
guilt chokes me, fear grips me,
at the thought of leaving you,
wondering if i would ever find myself again without you.

but then, realization hits,
and i loathe how i cling to a past,
to a version of you that no longer exists.
it's terrifying how i can't leave you,
how i feel i'd lose myself if i lost you.
i hate that i love you so much.

@fair lance

@zinc forge

@noble wren

[mental tartan]

i think the poem is really good at conveying the hurt the poet persona feels and i like the imagery but i think you can make it better if you make the language less generic

overall good poem!!

[bright depot]

thank you for your feedback! im glad you found the poem effective in conveying the emotions and imagery. i appreciate your suggestion about making the language less generic, and i'll definitely consider incorporating more specific language to improve the poem further

[short loom]

This song suffers from unity, and of course when your repetitive motif is "I hate..." it's a bit of a Debbie Downer.

[bright depot]

i appreciate the feedback!

[fair lance]

Firstly, I like how you use lowercase words and there's nothing that restrains the flow overall, I think that is how your words come across as more raw and emotional like they just flew out of your journal while we were crossing the corridor and I had the honor of picking it up.
This is really open in metaphors and symbolism used here. This is something so personal that at a point I feel like I shouldn't read I'm invading someone's privacy but like in a good way. Your words depict the pain, haunting love, a time of joy turned into fears of holding on. This is something all of us at some point in our lives go through. The simplicity of the piece is what holds it altogether. I liked how the second last stanza feels like confronting oneself. For a suggestion, I'd say you can play around with your draft more while preserving it's natural origin. That way new perspectives can come into light and you can work with other ways of expression. But again, you don't have to cut anything. Do it for yourself. Good work, Zeno!!

[bright depot]

awww damn 😭 i really love how you just perceive the entire poem. i dunno it just makes writing so much more worth it

[bright depot]

thank you so much puff youre so sweet 😭

and yeah i would take your suggestion and see what i can do

[fair lance]

Awww you saying that means a lot, Zeno!!! You're so sweeeeet!

[bright depot]

no all youuu 🫶

[short loom]

"doesn't exist" means "you've changed" "never existed" means "I deluded myself"

[bright depot]

huh?

i dont understand

[bright depot]

@tender smelt

[tender smelt]

oh god this hits hard, i love the first stanza the conflict between pain and love is so real. you still love the person though its hurting you. and false hope is so sknejdjdnxjjdjdjd like when you have the best day in the world together to getting ghosted jsnrjdndjdj