#Letters to Nikola (First poem after break up)

9 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

terse river
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Damn

blissful garden
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Ahaa, your words are pure and deep. Losing love isn't simple it takes away everything. Great work 👏🏻💗

robust stratus
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Wow! Truly from the heart this art

strange shell
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Okay first of all:

I like this poem very much.
The love you held for her is still very much potent.
Deep, too, but since you asked for improvements.
Here's what I can give...

I gave my heart fully to you
I think you could do without -fully-
As the heart is already one large thing to give.

The last lights from my retinas have flown away or to the wall? Or somewhere far beyond the gates? I like and love you forever, I think.
I'm not sure if this is a part of the emotional turmoil you're going through.
But it does stretch on for an absurd amount of time.
It feels like you're saying "it could be like this... like this... or like this, I think..."
So I suggest you use one grand metaphor or something simpler to contrast.

Other than specific lines?
This poem is fine as it is, just some lines I feel like could use a tweak.

Overall?
This is a very emotional breakup letter.
I like it very much.

valid bluff
blissful garden
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Wow so poignant and deep
The art really compliments the feelings within the poem
Love that’s so desperate
Well done

valid bluff
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Thanks :))

blissful garden
mystic domeBOT