#Eden

32 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

balmy eagleBOT
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Wonderful! @lean smelt has just pregressed to level 14!

lean smelt
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@proper wing

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@quick bluff

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Would love your feedback!

modern pilot
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great stuff, really love the imagery

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real cinematic

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intergenerationality is always a great topic that leads to some powerful stuff

knotty zinc
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It is quite difficult for me to get a lot out of this, since it is a long poem compared to what I’m used to. A lot to process, so not all gets processed.

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“History of the world”?

viscid echo
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NAME YOUR POEMSSSSS

lean smelt
viscid echo
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Yeah i refuse to read until then

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Out of principle

lean smelt
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eh, fair enough

viscid echo
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Oh wait i didnt see the top

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Okay i will give you one

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At least thats fair

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Why is it not just eden?

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Seems obvious no?

ancient bolt
lean smelt
lean smelt
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Eden

ancient bolt
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Eden's Blame

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Mind if I do an Echo on your poem

lean smelt
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I'm gonna try to think of a title that's not bad and based off of y'all suggestions

lean smelt
viscid echo
ancient bolt
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When I removed the blurry picture, / the text was all that was left / The allure of Eden was pure purity / the snake flicked its tongue in the ear of Eve / she was tempted, deceived and suddenly naked / she spoke to Adam, the man / he joined her but if it were his snake busy hissing lies / he's to blame for his own fall / he made God run them off from the place of good // We stop here the story gets weird / metaphorically though, the world was primal / we fought off lions, tigers, and oh my / was I about to say that line // let's go back a bit to the warning / two trees were there, the Tree of Life / and the one they ate to know good and evil / and feel naked ( and have two boys ) / we won't mix the story, maybe legend maybe allegory / with the one where God created heaven and Earth // whatever, Eden, such as it was, was lost / The daughter's of Eve may blame the man, who carries a serpent at his waist / but the son's of Adam blame the beast for all of it //

ancient bolt
# lean smelt sure!

When I removed the blurry picture, / the text was all that was left / The allure of Eden was pure purity / the snake flicked its tongue in the ear of Eve / she was tempted, deceived and suddenly naked / she spoke to Adam, the man / he joined her but if it were his snake busy hissing lies / he's to blame for his own fall / he made God run them off from the place of good // We stop here the story gets weird / metaphorically though, the world was primal / we fought off lions, tigers, and oh my / was I about to say that line // let's go back a bit to the warning / two trees were there, the Tree of Life / and the one they ate to know good and evil / and feel naked ( and have two boys ) / we won't mix the story, maybe legend maybe allegory / with the one where God created heaven and Earth // whatever, Eden, such as it was, was lost / The daughter's of Eve may blame the man, who carries a serpent at his waist / but the son's of Adam blame the beast for all of it //

ancient bolt
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I think it was a good spill