thorn pier
Thats so heartily written 💗
#My Regret
fading flint
The grammar is kinda off
The meter is totally off
The rhyme scheme is nice, but is also a bit off
tame bloom
The rhyme scheme is nice, but is also a bit off
where
fading flint
Of and love
Nerd explanation ||One is a voiced labiodental fricative, the former is unvoiced||
fading flint
its supposed to be iambic pentameter
Then it is totally off
tame bloom
interesting
fading flint
Depends whether they matter on the sentence or are function words like "the a an"
Life in this situation can never be unesstressed
tame bloom
alr
fading flint
So your pentameter is off
dense yarrow
This is huuuuuuge personal work
fading flint
I highly doubt it
tame bloom
This is huuuuuuge personal work
wym
dense yarrow
how you feelling?
tame bloom
yeah just had to sacrifice in some areas
tame bloom
Everywhere
ima fix the capitals
tame bloom
Everywhere
every line?
fading flint
You're not consistent with the use of the relative pronoun "whom"
fading flint
every line?
Yeah, every line is off
tame bloom
You're not consistent with the use of the relative pronoun "whom"
thank u
fading flint
"My ego reigned, you helped me in many ways" I think is alr
tame bloom
its my third time wriiting one
tame bloom
"My ego reigned, you helped me in many ways" I think is alr
alr
fading flint
Are you a native English speaker
tame bloom
This corrupt world, dishonesty still reigns.
The schools I roamed, their phoniness so vast.
Each day a struggle burdened with sheer pains.
In corridors their laughter echoed fast.
My teachers doubts, like shadows they have cast
From Pencey’s phony halls I made my leave
My grasp on reality slipping past
I wondered what to trust or even believe
The bars I entered hoping to deceive,
By telling lies and showing old gray hair.
I wished for a bartender naive
enough to serve some booze with lack of care.
In Phoebe’s presence, I felt everything
Just cease. Lost in her hold, heart conceding.
fading flint
This is for non natives like me, but it might help you
tame bloom
is the meter better here
tame bloom
This is for non natives like me, but it might help you
alr bet
can u check a few lines there tq
rq
fading flint
is the meter better here
It is equally off
tame bloom
i just put single syllable words wherever
fading flint
I don't understand
tame bloom
cuz my teacher said it dont matter
tame bloom
i put single syllable words in stressed or unstressed
he said it dont matter cuz u can choose how to say it
fading flint
Single syllable worlds are generally stressed when they're nouns
All verbs are also stressed save gonna wanna and modal verbs
fading flint
what abt the second last line
The last line would be perfect if you were writing in anapests
The second to last is also wrong because you're missing an unesstressed syllable before Jane
As I've said, every line is off
tame bloom
is my stressed
delicate joltBOT
is my stressed
Wonderful! @tame bloom has just pregressed to level 1!
tame bloom
or unstress
tame bloom
A newfound clarity has come at last.
I’ll heal the scars and leave behind my past.
@fading flint hows the meter here?
when speaking of dear Jane, I chose to make
also this line
fading flint
the former is wrong, the latter is right
delicate joltBOT
the former is wrong, the latter is right
Wonderful! @fading flint has just pregressed to level 18!
tame bloom
the former is wrong, the latter is right
ok
thx
With newfound wisdom I now see at last.
think this works
my own desires. Ignoring the sad gaze
my own desires. I ignored the sad gaze
@fading flint last question does the bottom line have good iambic
or does sad mess it up
tame bloom
ok ill keep it the first line
fading flint
the first line doens't work either
tame bloom
With newfound wisdom I now see at last.
also this good?
tame bloom
the first line doens't work either
yeah idk
tame bloom
where does it lapse
tame bloom
kk