Disciple; Prisoner

[white cradle]

life was pale,
devoid of color,
vivid in the absence of vibrancy.
like the reeds sprout from the creek,
fallen leaves from great trees in autumn—
there is a beauty in this despair;
a beauty in this death.

but you came forth,
and you took the decay,
twisted your wrist
and snapped your fingers.
a joyous occasion;
a breathtaking miracle,
to watch you color in the lines;
to watch you stain the browns and golds
the color of life.

i watched as my vacant world grew full again,
i watched as my entire universe
became filled with you.

i declared you king,
for you saved my kingdom.
but that wasn’t enough.
and so i declared you my emperor,
more grandeur than before
and worthy of every praise.
worthy of every gift,
worthy of every desire.
i placed myself at your feet,
and begged not for more,
for you were enough.
i begged only for your eyes
to meet mine.
but that was not enough.

i declared you one of the greats,
for you healed the world.
but that was not enough.
and so i declared you a legend,
eternally remembered by myself
and eternally remembered by the people.
i took up my pen,
and i wrote a thousand stories
each telling the truth of your wonder.
i wrote not to flatter you,
but to show to the world
how deeply my admiration plunged.
for it was more than love,
it was more than respect.
you did not just water my roots,
you planted the seed.
but that was not enough.

and so, i made you my life.
i dedicated every breath,
i gave to you what should have been for myself.
i deprived myself of nourishment,
i deprived myself of respite,
i sacrificed my mortality
just to see you smile.
but that…
that was not enough.

and thus, i made you my god.
i fell to my knees,
watched as my skin bled
from the fallen thorns of your discarded crown.
i choked on the rotting smell of gifts untaken;
of feasts cast aside.
and my gaze settled on the many papers
of which i had written upon.
i looked up to you, and i worshipped your heart.
i made you not just my god;
my religion.
it was all for you, the rise and fall,
the sharp ache in my starved stomach,
the pounding in my parched skull,
the burns of my cracked lips.

if this was enough,
i would greet you in heaven.
if not,
then i must apologize sincerely.
for i am a sinner, destined for hell.
and you?
you are my God.

@round ingot
@hidden quail
@skugi.#0000
@bleak mason
@mystic bobcat
@patent shadow

@honest zenith

discord please

thank you.

by far one of my best pieces yet i’d love to see what you guys make of this

@vale hemlock
actually i’d be curious to hear your thoughts too if you’re interested

[vale hemlock]

LOL I just read it :D

I actually love it the imagery is *chefs kiss

Like usually I point out lines that stand out to me, but you make ever line count so I'd just be quoting the whole thing

The mood shift is also 👌

[white cradle]

keke im glad you like it~ that praise means a lot especially
this one is probably one of my most raw pieces— not only because it speaks out to how i’ve been feeling lately, but it’s sort of me confronting myself as well, confronting what i’ve been denying

forced myself to face the reality and that ended up being through poetry

[vale hemlock]

I think it made it that much more impactful--I can hear your heart in the poetry, and it brings it to life I hope you're ok and tag me next time you post ❤️

[white cradle]

bet
i’ll be sure to add you to my list of usual personal pings~
im glad this one ended up as expressive as i intended it to be though
it’s nice to know my goal was met

actually ykw

[white cradle]

bumping for ease
it’s been a second @zinc grove
if you’re interested i’d be curious to hear your thoughts

@silent sundial im just pinging everyone aren’t i
i’d be curious to hear your thoughts too keke you always have fascinating insight

and ykw one more for good measure cause why not
@eager bridge
i’ve seen you around but never actually heard your insight or had much interaction
so hello! and i’d be curious to hear your thoughts

at this rate the ping list is gonna get longer than the poem

[eager bridge]

awh I joined today LMAO- but sure I would love to read it and give feedback :3

[white cradle]

oh LOL—
apparently i’ve been on the edge of my seat

welcome to the server then~

[eager bridge]

Ah thank you <33

[eager bridge]

I AM FINALLY DONE-

took me half an 30+ mins to write this

:"))

This poem is amazing! My personal analysis cause yes :3 (it could go wrong lmao-)
The speaker seems to be someone who has sort of lost hope in life, She seems like she had drowned in the darkness of this bitter reality.. her life has become colourless, and she might think there is beauty in smth as cruel as dying. But then someone enters her life.. he changes it. Its as though she was going through a traumatic experience and this guy was that ray of hope. He came forth and took her responsibility.. Decay could be those negative aspects or struggles the girl went though.
twisted your wrist
and snapped your fingers.
He took some serious action to make her life better.. and he snapped his fingers..he dispelled the decay.. it was a bit easy for him to do so...because when you love someone or care for someone sincerely.. you're willing to do whatever it takes for them to be happy and it doesn't feel mundane.. you find peace in it.
A joyous occasion; a breathtaking miracle
The change which entered her life was an occasion of joy for her, someone who was living in a colourless world. She felt immense happiness.
To watch you color in the lines; to watch you stain the browns and golds the color of life
A wonderful imagery which suggests that he brought vibrancy into her dull life. Brown stains could represent some negative/bad experiences the girl had.. gold could be the positive/good ones.. so he stained it, as in he gave her a new life. She let go of all the good and bad that happened and this was a start of something new.

Her vacant, lonely world grew full again
Which means it was full before, but due to something it had become dull/vacant.. and now that he came into her life, it is full again. He was like her saviour.. she declared him the king.. for according to her, her kingdom, which is her life, was saved. But the gratitude she felt was immense.. so even this was not enough. Then she declared him the emperor, who is superior to a king.
_ placed myself at your feet,
and begged not for more,
for you were enough.
i begged only for your eyes
to meet mine. _
This is showing how much she appreciated him.. she wanted nothing more but his eyes.. eyes can speak more than anything can afterall. She then declared him one of the greats, for her he has healed the world.. the world in which she exists.. the world which was once dull. She wrote thousands of stories describing the truth of his wonder. She didn't want to flatter him, but show the world how much she admired him and perhaps give someone who is going though a traumatic experience this ray of hope that no matter what happens.. things will get better. Time heals everything. To water the roots would be when someone helps another.. but in her case, he didnt help her. He completely changed her, he gave her a new life. So he was the one who planted the seed. Seed of a new life. Seed of hope. And this is something very very very meaningful. So she dedicated everything she had to him now.. all she wanted in return was to see him smile, she was willing to sacrifice/deprive herself just so that he would smile.

now the ending part...there could be 2 possibilities.

1. He left forever.. the person who gave her a new life was forever now gone. She fell on her knees bleeding as her skin pierced the thorn crown.. This could signify Jesus Christ. As far as I know, he was the only one who wore it (Im not a Christian so sorry if its wrong).As we know, Jesus had gotten crucified.. she looked at the thousands of stories he wrote in his praise.. she then, made jesus her god, her religion. And she thought, if she went to heaven.. she would meet and greet him.. but she felt she was a sinner destined for hell.. why? maybe because she had a regret that she couldnt serve him(jesus) better.
2. The guy has gone forever, she had given him a beautiful crown of thorns decorated for sure- and the rest is same as 1, she cried, looked at the stories written by her in his praise.. she made him her god and religion..

Just a note- I realised smth... Im not very sure.. but I think that the person I referred to as she this whole time could be one of the 4 gospels ( Matthew, Mark, Luke and John)
Im dont know why they wrote the books.. but this story could apply to one of them.. One of them had suffered and god guided him.. in return he did everything he could to return his gratitude.. wrote stories and all? Like Im not a tad bit sure- sorry TvT

Thanks for reading this! If there are any grammatical errors, its fine :3
To err is to human (To make mistakes/errors is to be human) <33

ANOTHER NOTE LMAO-
the poem name is Disciple; Prisoner
So as I wrote abt the jesus thing, one of the 4 gospels could be considered his disciples

PEACE! <33

[white cradle]

oh that’s super thorough holy

more than i expected keke

i will say this one wasn’t biblically inspired, but rather based on my own personal experiences
the title plays into the metaphor of the “he” in the poem being made as the narrator’s “god”

the bit in the end, emphasis on the thorns and “discarded crown” are a reference to the previous stanzas

for instance, the “crown” being a reference to being “declared king” not enough

it’s an interesting take though and i can see where the biblical overlap is as someone who’s educationally studied christianity for 3 years now

pretty much the entire thing is heavily metaphorical and uses imagery to emphasize and perhaps even dramatize the reality in a literal sense in order to bring to light the intensity of the emotions caused by the situation

[eager bridge]

mhm:3

[round ingot]

This is a great expression of work of art, Ikari, you have done so well with descriptive narrative. It's like when everything is falling apart in your life and you just start to be okay with it as in finding a comfort in melancholy, struggles, destruction of things in our lives that lived long than we thought of. And for once someone actually came, sowing new seeds in your ground, singing the melody you were depraved of, and coloring the sky and making sure that you don't drown. That one single effort. That... took the poet on a level where they couldn't help but keep appreciating. Realizations hits when they see that their appreciation isn't enough. They go on for more, more to provide more to declare the other of, reasoning with and reminding yourself how that person saved you. With each effort, nothing seems enough so the cracks of the collapse occurs but the poet won't let it happen. The poet would go for more and more, depriving themselves of things, necessities of life. It's like coming back to square one somehow. Life becomes that painful epic just this time with changes and involvement of characters that guides it. The Sense of being a prisoner or disciple for someone at a point they wholly sacrifice themselves expresses extremities in humanness. The writing is wonderful really, the tone is impactful with a nature of a bit of desperation, devotion and gratefulness along with the darkness it shapes into.

[eager bridge]

true

[patent shadow]

this poem stirred something deep within me. it vividly captures the transformation from lifelessness to vibrant existence through the presence of someone extraordinary. the imagery of turning decay into life is powerful and beautifully conveys how deeply this person impacted you. its a bit heartbreaking to see how you gave everything—your love, respect, and even your very life—yet always felt it wasn't enough. the ending, where you make them your god and give up everything for them, is incredibly intense. it speaks to the extremes of love and devotion, and the pain that comes with feeling like your all isn't enough. this poem makes me think about the boundaries of admiration and love, and the deep yearning to be seen and valued in return. it’s haunting and deeply emotional. totally loved it!

[honest zenith]

I absolutely adore this poem. I love how this can be interpreted in two very different ways. It's both a metaphorical and literal poem to me. It is about about someone you love more than anything, and thus you declare them it be a "God" for their amazing qualities.

Or, it is literally written from the point of view of Christ's apostles, and how over time they became convinced even more and more that he was even greater than they thought.

"From the fallen thorns of your discarded crown"

This makes me really convinced that this poem has a literal meaning, rather than a vaguely general and metaphorical one. It is not merely about someone you look up to, it's about Christ. I LOVE this, you're such a wonderful poet. AMAZING job!!! 😄

Also, the title makes me convinced of my theory too

"Disciple" has a roughly similar meaning to "apostle"

[honest zenith]

Wow, really?

That's honestly surprising, it works perfectly both literally and metaphorically

[zinc grove]

I hope on my two cats dewey and Kimi, you wrote this to yourself!!!!!

[azure agate]

*I hope on my two

cats dewey and Kimi, you

wrote this to yourself!!!!!*

- itzzapizza

[zinc grove]

amazing

Imma offer a challenge, because the process that I have seen is that of a Great lily, and hopefully sometime you can rise above the depths and have a lil frog as a hat 🫡 ✨

write a letter to the child in your heart, be kind, listen, hear, feel, and give it the guidance and love, all that it will ever need and want.

[tardy hinge]

Wonderful! @zinc grove has just pregressed to level 12!

[zinc grove]

but remeber the pen is a sword, and sometimes words hurt!

[mystic bobcat]

WOW this poem is phenomenal just like everyone else had commented above. I love the double meaning behind the same words. For me, I must have misinterpreted this piece as you becoming a prisoner which is not true. But after looking at other interpretations, I finally understood the message of your piece. It’s truly amazing on how you conveyed l your pain both physically and emotionally ❤️❤️💯💯🔥🔥

[white cradle]

keke
leave it to you to hit the nail on the head~ and as always i loved following your train of thought through your analyses it’d always fascinating

[white cradle]

im glad you were able to connect as well
im glad it came off as emotional as i was intending to portray it— i wanted this poem to be absolutely unfiltered and confrontational for the sake that i could look back on it and no longer remain in denial
but to see others grasping that as well is a pleasure as a poet

[white cradle]

keke
i will say my use of “disciple” was an idea i had likely inspired by my studies in christianity, i wanted to find a word that tied into the making of someone into a “god”
but my inspired intent was more so about the love and appreciation for someone going unnoticed by the person at hand, thus taking it to the absolute extreme over time
that said, i’ve always been a firm believer that the meaning behind poetry ultimately comes down to the individual, that’s what makes it so special

[white cradle]

honestly in a way it ties into both!
i don’t think any interpretation here is more accurate or inaccurate than the next
i especially love drawing parallels with things and creating double meanings in my poetry, which seems to have been achieved here better than most of my works
it could both be said the narrator became a “disciple” to the “god” they’ve created, and a “prisoner” to the person they love, for they feel unable to truly express themself, or be acknowledged for it, and thus cannot move on or be satisfied until they do, hence why it kept getting more and more extreme over time

[white cradle]

bumping for future ease

@uncut basin oh my god i refound you
the name change had you hidden keke
i’d be curious to hear your opinion on this one too if you’re interested

but no pressure~

[patent shadow]

awwwww, great job there really :))

[frigid linden]

damn that is long nice work

[white cradle]

@round ingot

[round ingot]

wow. i haven't read everything again and i already appreciate the first and second stanza. its so sweet.

"i gave you my life... i gave to you what should have been for myself."

when you love so much that you lose yourself. this is so bittersweet, every line touches my heart differently and i'm grateful. this made me feel so much 😭😭😭

this has to be one of my fav poems here.

when life is empty and void, til a savior coloured every corner. every inch of your being worshipped and loved, until the vessel of your physicality has grown empty. like a bone marrow, our soul has been sucked out of life. and this still wasn't enough.