Betrayal's venom

[azure geyser]

@stable geode

[stable geode]

thanks!

[azure geyser]

Yeh np tag me back

[stable geode]

nice little snippet on how friendship can decay in the worst ways, very relatable. i think you have a good narrative here, but it can be improved by more specificity into the situation you are depicting. aside from that, more vivid imagery can really help you take this poem a step further. my favorite line is "That melodious laughter turned into late nights of crying." as it has good juxtaposition. overall, i can definitely relate to this. if I had to rate this I would give it a 5 out of 10. thank you for writing and sharing this poem!

[azure geyser]

Yeh I get it but this was my first work so yeh, I have wrote like 4-5 poems but im still working on them and I want to share it with one and only person so it feels personal

[stable geode]

overall this is really nice for a first work!

[azure geyser]

Tysm

Btw do u think I should make a new one or continue this

[warm wolf]

*Btw do u

think I should make a new one

or continue this*

- mynameis__

[stable geode]

i think whichever you are more inspired by is fine! i actually edit my poems after they're posted sometimes

but if the muse demands you write another piece then the muse is usually obeyed aha

[azure geyser]

Lol ok

[paper cobalt]

Wonderful! @azure geyser has just pregressed to level 1!

[azure geyser]

Does anyone else give feedbacks, can I ping someone else too?

[stable geode]

i honestly have no idea! i usually ask before i ping someone

feedbacks are kind of hard to come by in my opinion

[azure geyser]

Yeh and like the true ones

some people read half of it, judge the vocabulary, and be like " I LOVE IT BROO"

[stable geode]

scream because that's so true sigh i wish they would actually chew through the things they read and give proper constructive feedback

also i think sello's neko would like a ping? said so on the poetry discussion chat

[azure geyser]

Yeh lemme do it

[azure geyser]

but dont think that I did the same to u

I actually read it lol

[stable geode]

i have no doubt dont worry

[azure geyser]

@smoky vault

[azure geyser]

Alr

[azure geyser]

Can u give a feedback?

[smoky vault]

Sure! Gimme a while

[azure geyser]

ALr

[smoky vault]

So, there are a lot of implementation errors here. Line 2 it should be “cruel jest was made”, line 4 I think “our bond was put to the test” because as you explicitly mentioned “that moment” you can’t mention it again midway. You could add a lot of depth with imagery, juxtaposition and stuff. Also as you might’ve seen in my poems, divide it into multiple stanzas.

Many more you could dabble on, i’d give it a 5

[azure geyser]

Mhm it was my first work i will improve it

[smoky vault]

I love it!

[azure geyser]

so how can I change it

[smoky vault]

Just keep it in mind, use the tips on your next work

[azure geyser]

Alr

[smoky vault]

I’m always here to help, just tag me in your future works and don’t hesitate to dm me

[azure geyser]

Oh ty and I will make sure to text you in the weekends

[smoky vault]

Sure, also there’s a poem you could read

[azure geyser]

Yeh lemme check it out

[azure geyser]

Can i still put this image up there

cus its not letting me

[azure geyser]

@gusty valve

yeh

[gusty valve]

SS me the editing message

[azure geyser]

alr

Tryna press ctr+v but nothing shows or happens

oh yeh cus u cant put a image when editing messages

[gusty valve]

Hm

Hold on

Can I see the bigger image?

[azure geyser]

here

like the image i wanna post?

this is that

[gusty valve]

Hmm

Sorry yeah but Idk

[azure geyser]

Yeh its ok

I will reupload it

[gusty valve]

Usually you can just drag & drop or copy and paste the image

[warm wolf]

*Usually you can

just drag & drop or copy

and paste the image*

- DanyFurtherHDTV

[gusty valve]

Okay!