merry summit
Your poem requires some amount of rhythm.
Rhythm is the way it sounds to a person when reading.
Try making the syllables somewhat close together to sound better.
Or if you want, use a repeated vowel (consonance)
Like when you used the letter "F," in your poems.
Fixed, finding, fault, etc.
A simple fix that will get your poem to the next level really.
Also you are HIGHLY commended for your creativity. That was truly incredible, you successfully immersed your readers in this world.
analog karma
Your poem requires some amount of rhythm.
Rhythm is the way it sounds to a per...
That makes sense, I'll work on it. Thank you for reading! It means a lot 
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@raw aspen Here!
raw aspen
ooh okay ill give it a read!
oh my god i love this
the play on words is super clever, and frankly done so in a way ive never seen before
its got a really neat way to make the reader think about whats really being said, and it kind of makes a real neat cross between internet slang and sophisticated poetry
its an almost odd combination but not in a bad way, just in the sense its incredibly unique and works together better than one might expect
if we're looking at actual meaning though
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Yeah exactly, thank youu sm
your words mean a lot! I'm glad you enjoyed it :))
raw aspen
to me, this kind of makes me think of how people hide behind "masks"
not in the literal sense but, portraying themself as someone contrary to who they really are
its a hunt or be hunted type of world, where everyone is pretending to be someone theyre not
speaking even more directly to the difference in people or perhaps the need for people to step away from the online world and back into reality
that is TINY for as long as it took me to type LOL i had to think for a fat second
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It's intriguing to me how your vision looks at it, that interpretation is really deep. I believe I was trying to convey the internet Identity and IRL as well. You're real good!
raw aspen
well i could say the same for you, its a wonderfully written poem
excluding the surface level details, every down to the metaphors used, the message they portray, and even the sequence of events contributes to the meaning of a poem
though multiple metaphors, even of the same style may say about the same thing, the fact you specifically built on that "online life" and almost "Gen-z talk" really puts some emphasis on the hidden meanings there
i love how you went about doing it, honestly a favorite of those ive read here
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Yeah, you are right. Thanks a lot really, I still find it hard to show my work to the world at times and this really is a warm embrace for me <33
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@analog karma
@crude sentinel
@severe seal
crude sentinel
...
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It's been a while since I heard comments from you folks :B