"shh"-a sonnet by Jayreyz

[golden ember]

You set me ablaze then blamed me for heat
Everything is now my fault once again,
Is it my fault it makes me feel complete?
For this is just how things have always been:

I think it is time for me to conciete,
The things you told me today made me spin, On second thought ill spin until you cheat
Your words are like a blade against my skin:

Even then there is chance we will repeate,
Because i dont want to be trapped within, Blood pours opon the floor around my feet, The time is now, this is your final win.

Words not spoken but only held within,
Maybe I should not ever speak again.

[mint apex]

Are you looking for feedback?

[slate schooner]

Wow, it seems the narrator here has a complex relationship with a person and is being almost abused as I can tell from the first line and the rest of the poem. It’s a very powerful meaning and can touch the hearts of many people, and of course the title “shh” it’s perfect- it makes me think this person does not want to speak and is restraining themselves becuase they know it can only hurt them, a very powerful meaning represented very well through this poem. A suggestion would be to maybe use better then diction, I think some lines could be said better but over all well done.

[mint apex]

Great poem, I can feel the frustration of a person who is clearly tired yet, he is willing to stay. Just for the sake of a relationship. The rhymes are also good, but I think it's possible to improve the ending. I don't know if it's intentional but the ending of this poem leaves me desiring for more. A desire to see how everything ends.

[slate schooner]

Yea you make good points but the ending is perfect, perhaps that sense of wanting more encapsulates the poem as a whole, representing the narrators internal battle to speak out and is restrained, and they are two very beautiful lines.