first poem? wow this is incredible!
#Center Of The Universe (Complete)
elder frigate
elder frigate
I want to live my life creating art
really?
elder frigate
It's always been my dream
how did you get to that dream?
spring solstice
Music, TV, and drawings
elder frigate
Music, TV, and drawings
well good luck on your artistic endeavors do you want some resources to guide your poetry learning?
spring solstice
well good luck on your artistic endeavors do you want some resources to guide yo...
Yeah that would be nice
elder frigate
spring solstice
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/
Thank you
elder frigate
its hard to find stuff, but they have everything you need.
thorny radish
your poem is such an expansive journey in search of meaning. It traverses the vastness of space and depths of a human soul with vivid imagery. My favorite is the opening stanza, immediately evoking a sense of isolation and longing. The repetition of the questions throughout the poem reinforces your tone and desire for connection. Your poem is a beautifully crafted exploration through space! It was a good read so keep at it!! much love ❤️
spring solstice
I am thankful
spring solstice
jovial idol
this is one of the best poems I've read a very well written poem
modern nimbusBOT
jovial idol
i apologise 😔
polar whaleBOT
i apologise 😔
Wonderful! @jovial idol has just pregressed to level 1!
spring solstice
spring solstice
spring solstice
spring solstice
Most of it was done in a day or 2
Afterwards I was adding a couple of lines
void ingot
Id say there are a few lines that seem a bit, superfluous in the scale of everything, but honestly its an ambitious piece as is so thats really not a big deal
spring solstice
What lines
void ingot
Well done bro
Not like consistently just a few seem like, you are adding to an already, made or touched on point?
If you know what i mean
void ingot
Its not necessarily the line thats bad its the fact that it just adds up
spring solstice
Its not necessarily the line thats bad its the fact that it just adds up
Do you mind saying which words for improvement?
void ingot
Like you kept saying find the golden key of existence
spring solstice
Should I switch it to
"Find the golden key to your heart"
void ingot
Or the unlock your long-lost soul, and burst with overwhelming light
Im not saying change lol
Nothing is ever gonna be perfect
I was just saying like thats the only thing that struck me
spring solstice
In that line I meant
The forgotten you
void ingot
Maybe for anything further writing, just trying to seem more concise/sharp with points
Yeah thats what i mean though
Like you can gather that from surrounding lines
So its not the line thats bad
Its that its a theme/concept/idea, explored or will be explored
Though like i said its hard to make something in such detail and not rehash some things
Or want to reiterate certain concepts with different imagery
spring solstice
Which concepts
polar whaleBOT
Which concepts
Wonderful! @spring solstice has just pregressed to level 7!
void ingot
Like you just said rediscovering the person who we were/the speaker was
spring solstice
Understood
spring solstice
Yeah I get it, thank you for your criticism
spring solstice
@void ingot
Should I change "find the golden key of existence " to
Awaken the forgotten kingdom of your heart
I changed the first time I said that to
Rebuild your shattered heart
void ingot
I do prefer that image wise
But like i said i dont think its best to go back and just alter everything forever
spring solstice
Rebirth the crumbled kingdom of your heart
spring solstice
@void ingot I updated the poem
spring solstice
woven crescent
Good job for your first.
Amazing indeed I hope we all are freed by love, by the potential we were designed with!
spring solstice
Wow! An amazing poem, I'm surprised it's your first!
The completed final version is here
Center Of The Universe (Complete)
spring solstice
I completed my first poem...