it is reallly good. has that celestial (?), dark mystery vibe. Very hooking. (Small Feedback: Use more definite articles like "the" gives it a more heavy, stark vibe.)
#Before the Sighs are Stolen
limpid fable
trail oxide
it is reallly good. has that celestial (?), dark mystery vibe. Very hooking. (Sm...
Aww thanks a bunch!!! Means a lot, thanks for the feedback I edited it a bit :))
scarlet sinew
Bruh I literally read it this morning
Maybe I forgot to comment
Lemme read it again
trail oxide
Ah you are not very good at remembering
compact quartzBOT
Ah you are not very good at remembering
Wonderful! @trail oxide has just pregressed to level 5!
scarlet sinew
'I can't let your weeping be confused with the sweat, dear'
Please confuse it with the sweet cause I'm literally crying the tears of joy reading this thing.
The way you use words like 'Hush' and 'Hmph' are like so relatable I do that all the time in my poems (Ain't posting links to show you an example cause who the hell advertises that much).
trail oxide
Aww Thank youuuuu!!! glad that it reaches you like that Mr. Fr Ad Agent
twin marlin
I must say this is very vibrant in its message!
This line though...
"That sophistication of suffocated idles
rounds the yard and somber souls
smell of the stale stars
So I pierce my voice with their silence.."
This one is very eye-opening.
I loved this one, Puff! ( Sorry if this is a short review; I just returned home from an all-day outing. )
trail oxide
I must say this is very vibrant in its message!
This line though...
"That sophi...
That's very kind of you to say, Poetica!! Thank you for the feedback really.
(And no it's totally alright, hope you had fun^^)
trail oxide
@muted shoal
muted shoal
just saw this one ill give it a read! multitasking atm so sorry ive been a little delayed
trail oxide
No worries take your time!
muted shoal
another ! oh my god i love the way you write LOL
to me, this is almost abstract and obvious simultaneously
i dont know how to put it other than it seems like the poem seems to have become the exact thing its trying to depict
this seems to speak out to struggles with mental health, a feeling of being alienated due to internal and / or external struggles
"i can't let your weeping be confused with sweat" is an especially powerful line, speaking out to how people's struggles can be brushed over or ignored, mistaken or masked with the facade for being something else
the second stanza builds on this even more, the neglect to peoples' personal wars and the battle to overcome it or perhaps even find real support. the use of "band aid" here kind of makes me think of trying to get help and recieving nothing real in return
then the third / longest stanza builds on the collapse of that lack of support, the continuous struggle finally taking its toll. the feeling of being unable / forbidden to be granted help during this time of need and thus slowly back in on oneself
and the last 4 lines in the ending seem like that ultimate way of, "fine, you win. i'm done."
i LOVE how this one is put together, especially because even with my own interpretation i can imagine theres also a lot of other ways to take this
open verse isnt something i see super often nor done so confidently, but you really do a phenomenal job with it
trail oxide
another ! oh my god i love the way you write LOL
to me, this is almost abstract ...
Dear Ikari, you are certainly determined to make me cry. Everything you say about my work is really uplifting. And know your interpretations and understanding makes it more empowering that I'm able to convey it the right way. Thank you really you are awesome!
compact quartzBOT
Dear Ikari, you are certainly determined to make me cry. Everything you say abou...
Wonderful! @trail oxide has just pregressed to level 7!
muted shoal
AWE-- im glad that my opinion means so much to you i feel honestly honored
really truly im just speaking my mind, i adore expressive poetry like this, especially open verse because i dont know many people who dabble in it
so to see someone with a mind similar to my own i cant help but get giddy and want to express my thoughts on the matter
you really do have a lot of skill, regardless of what others might say
the thing about poetry, often even more so open verse, is not everyone will understand it
but that doesnt make you an unskilled poet, either
you have a talent that i look forward to seeing grow with time
trail oxide
Awww this is so sweet of you. I feel honored to know that I just met a fabulous poet! I'm speaking my mind too, you are good at analyzations that are mostly overlooked. And your writing it's so directly expressive and powerful, I look forward to seeing you grow with time too 