The Hole (Caleb) | The Art of Poetry | Page 1

hoary cedar Apr 28, 2024, 6:42 AM

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here comes the shadow again
the shadow that comes every once in a
while - illuminating the depth of -

my hole
its mine
my
hole

its so -
shallow -
i cant escape

the shadow - the shadows -
they came - they are coming -
they are here

love -
i want to feel love
i want to be loved

im going to die alone in my hole
but my shovel -

i
cant
let
go

Help.

there goes the shadow
it will come back
i better start digging

peak escarp Apr 28, 2024, 7:14 AM

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honestly, I feel like stanza-1 doesn't match with stanza 2... but it would be a great poem leaving the first stanza and the last stanza(like the change of tone is visible, clearly but not swiftly). but the poem is great, the despair potrayed by the poem individual is good. I am not sure if you potrayed it like that. but in the first stanza he's all calm and cool, then from the second stanza he begins to panic hard...

hoary cedar Apr 28, 2024, 7:56 AM

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peak escarp honestly, I feel like stanza-1 doesn't match with stanza 2... but it would be a ...

yes, the tone shift is intentional, and the unmatching stanzas are also intentional. I'm glad you noticed!

peak escarp Apr 28, 2024, 8:08 AM

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hoary cedar yes, the tone shift is intentional, and the unmatching stanzas are also intentio...

Then it's all good. I like the poem.

jaunty coral Apr 28, 2024, 8:27 AM

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hoary cedar here comes the shadow again the shadow that comes every once in a while - illum...

Bro so deep in the hole still above great.

hoary cedar Apr 28, 2024, 8:27 AM

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above great?

jaunty coral Apr 28, 2024, 8:28 AM

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I meant that you were so deep inside the hole but still being so low you are still above the great poets.

hoary cedar Apr 28, 2024, 8:28 AM

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oh haha thanks

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I stole techniques from Leopardi and Duckinson, so idk about above the greats lmao

jaunty coral Apr 28, 2024, 8:36 AM

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Techniques can't be stolen and neither could the knowledge.
The Hand knows what to write and how to... not the brain... only the soul.

fresh olive Apr 28, 2024, 8:55 AM

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this is great. I love the darker meaning

radiant escarp Apr 28, 2024, 9:04 AM

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Maybe just me

I'm going to die alone in my hole
And the shovel -
Could be better as just
I'm going to die alone in my hole
And
I
Can't
Let
Go

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Just IMO grain of salt

hoary cedar Apr 28, 2024, 9:05 AM

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the shovel line is important :/

radiant escarp Apr 28, 2024, 9:05 AM

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For "I'd better start digging"?

hoary cedar Apr 28, 2024, 9:05 AM

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the speaker is the one digging his own hole, he wants to stop but he can't let go of the shovel

radiant escarp Apr 28, 2024, 9:06 AM

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I think shovel needs to come in earlier

"My hole
It's mine
My
Hole
My shovel"

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And then it works as intended

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But adding shovel seems out of place to me

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Not flaming just my (uneducated) opinion

hoary cedar Apr 28, 2024, 9:07 AM

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fs fs

radiant escarp Apr 28, 2024, 9:08 AM

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All love this (sh*t) poem is fire as is

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Thank you rules for moderating me

hoary cedar Apr 28, 2024, 9:08 AM

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hahaha

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it's ok, automod moderated duckinson for me earlier

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what if I changed and to but?

radiant escarp Apr 28, 2024, 9:09 AM

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Fr great change

hoary cedar Apr 28, 2024, 9:09 AM

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im going to die alone in my hole
but my shovel -

i
cant
let
go

radiant escarp Apr 28, 2024, 9:10 AM

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Like legit that's big IMO

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Also sorry it doesn't pertain to your poem, but can I only have two open threads here? I have other poems I want to put out but "post" button doesn't click

hoary cedar Apr 28, 2024, 9:11 AM

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idk, I'm new here too

radiant escarp Apr 28, 2024, 9:11 AM

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Lol

hoary cedar Apr 28, 2024, 9:11 AM

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I haven't posted any of my other poems yet

radiant escarp Apr 28, 2024, 9:11 AM

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hoary cedar idk, I'm new here too

Well your poem is really good

hoary cedar Apr 28, 2024, 9:11 AM

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thanks lol

radiant escarp Apr 28, 2024, 9:12 AM

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MFW everyone else is too deep on the drama of that big poem to help us

hoary cedar Apr 28, 2024, 9:12 AM

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fr

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Personally, I think this poem means just as much as that one, it's just more concise lol

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@wet widget would love your thoughts

wet widget Apr 28, 2024, 9:28 AM

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The first line strikes me well.

"Illuminating" onwards is just one creatively artistic display of structure. Breaking down sentences into short bursts of rhythm.

Being unable to escape the shadow is a very lovely thought that writers often fantasise about when it is expressed philosophically.

The repetition from start to finish gives the poem motion. Always calling back and launching itself forward with every new twist to the lines.

The final lines of digging yourself of what I assume a hole, tunnel, or even grave gives this poem in my eyes desolation and hurry.

I like this one quite a lot, actually. So there, those are my thoughts.

hoary cedar Apr 28, 2024, 9:30 AM

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why thank you

hoary cedar Apr 28, 2024, 10:06 AM

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@river gazelle

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would love your thoughts too!

river gazelle Apr 28, 2024, 10:19 AM

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This poem evokes a strong sense of introspection and longing, with powerful imagery of the recurring shadow representing inner struggles. The repetition and fragmented structure effectively convey the feeling of being trapped in one's own emotions. The metaphor of digging deeper into one's hole adds depth to the theme of isolation and the desire for love. Overall, it's a poignant piece that captures the complexity of human emotions.

It's incredible

hoary cedar Apr 28, 2024, 2:28 PM

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@devout owl

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@jade vortex

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Would love thoughts!!

jade vortex Apr 28, 2024, 2:29 PM

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I think it's a really cool poem

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Also, funny thing

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I believe I know what this poem was inspired by

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It's simple, but leaves a lot of room for interpretation

devout owl Apr 28, 2024, 2:31 PM

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Loving the emotion!
Honestly feels like your getting pulled into it like a story, so here for that

hoary cedar Apr 28, 2024, 2:48 PM

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jade vortex I believe I know what this poem was inspired by

Would love to hear what you think it is lol

jade vortex Apr 28, 2024, 2:51 PM

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hoary cedar Would love to hear what you think it is lol

"The Enigma of Amigara Fault"

hoary cedar Apr 28, 2024, 2:53 PM

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Oh interesting

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I'd never heard of this before, but it's quite interesting

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Can def see the similarities

jade vortex Apr 28, 2024, 3:31 PM

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hoary cedar I'd never heard of this before, but it's quite interesting

Ah, I see

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I'm suprised that wasn't your inspiration

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I thought it was because a character in that comic(?) says "This is my hole..."

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If you haven't, read it

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It's only 30 pages long or something

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It's kind of creepy

hoary cedar Apr 28, 2024, 3:38 PM

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Yeah, I'll check it out when I can

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But it's definitely based off personal experiences haha

jade vortex Apr 28, 2024, 3:52 PM

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I see

hoary cedar Apr 29, 2024, 7:30 AM

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@late cedar

hoary cedar Apr 29, 2024, 10:28 AM

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@sinful sluice this is probably my best work I've made so far

sinful sluice Apr 29, 2024, 11:21 AM

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So, thing is. Free verse is literally my Achilles' heel, because I'm thoroughly unable to judge it justly

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I perhaps am not one made for these sons of the avantgardes

hoary cedar Apr 29, 2024, 11:22 AM

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But what do you think anyway?

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lol

sinful sluice Apr 29, 2024, 11:26 AM

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I can clearly see the desperation, the anxiety, the pain that (I think) you wanted to show in the poem. That's undeniable

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I am not quite sure as to whether that hole you're digging is refuge against the shadows that haunt you or your grave

hoary cedar Apr 29, 2024, 11:28 AM

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I can answer that

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It's neither

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But it's closer to a grave

sinful sluice Apr 29, 2024, 11:29 AM

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Poetic analysis at its finest, ladies and gentlemen

hoary cedar Apr 29, 2024, 11:29 AM

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It's representative of destructive habits

sinful sluice Apr 29, 2024, 11:29 AM

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oh that does make a lot of sense

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Yeah I can see the image now

hoary cedar Apr 29, 2024, 11:29 AM

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based on the English idiom "Digging your own hole"

sinful sluice Apr 29, 2024, 11:29 AM

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okay now I get it

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that's clever, truthfully so

hoary cedar Apr 29, 2024, 11:30 AM

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heh

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thanks

astral sundialBOT Apr 29, 2024, 11:30 AM

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hoary cedar thanks

Wonderful! @hoary cedar has just pregressed to level 8!

river gazelle Apr 29, 2024, 12:50 PM

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@river gazelle

shrewd cargo Apr 29, 2024, 2:07 PM

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hoary cedar here comes the shadow again the shadow that comes every once in a while - illum...

I imagine it as the Junji ito story, mixed with Sméagol and Gollum’s situation. I can’t get that out of my head, but I like the poem, yet also can’t get out of my head the image of a miner with their hand on a shovel, stuck by a boulder, and they are thinking of amputation to escape.

hoary cedar Apr 29, 2024, 2:11 PM

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that's an interesting image

hoary cedar Apr 29, 2024, 2:11 PM

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shrewd cargo I imagine it as the Junji ito story, mixed with Sméagol and Gollum’s situation. ...

Not what I was intending, but good nevertheless

hoary cedar May 1, 2024, 12:32 AM

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river gazelle <@456226577798135808>

did you ever read this?

river gazelle May 1, 2024, 11:14 AM

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hoary cedar did you ever read this?

I promise i’ll get to it when i have time 🫶

hoary cedar May 11, 2024, 2:30 AM

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@runic mauve

runic mauve May 11, 2024, 2:31 AM

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hoary cedar <@1158193096857755728>

wow so amazing , it sounds like a song

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the rhythm is nice

hoary cedar May 11, 2024, 3:27 AM

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@harsh swallow

hoary cedar Jul 15, 2024, 10:19 PM

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E

hoary cedar Aug 7, 2024, 10:29 PM

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.

hoary cedar Aug 9, 2024, 9:25 PM

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@river gazelle

hoary cedar Aug 31, 2024, 3:57 AM

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The Hole (Caleb)

hoary cedar Dec 9, 2024, 8:31 AM

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.

#The Hole (Caleb)

okay now I get it