Deer Mother

[buoyant elm]

Deer Mother,

I sit here today, in this murky thicket
Gazing out at the open meadows that are boundless in beauty, yet rife with danger.
The new Spring grass we dined on together covers every inch of the summery meadow now.

You would've loved it...

It's hot out today, but everyday without your warmth and radiance is an eternal winter.
As if time itself froze alongside the branches and the riverbeds on that traumatic day.

You told me to run, Mom.
And I did. And I still am.
But I can't seem to catch you.
No matter how far I run,
No matter how fast I get,
I can't catch you.

You told me to run, Mom.
So, I will. I'll always run.
And one day, maybe years from now
I'll catch you...

dayum

real good fr fr

[buoyant elm]

Thank you fr fr

[orchid tangle]

Wow i love it

[trail wedge]

Powerful writing brilliant

[frigid goblet]

THE EMOTIONALITY IN THIS, WOWZA — Literally, I can’t- Just wow

[buoyant elm]

Omg thank you so much! I'm glad you found it touching!

[frigid goblet]

I think my only alteration would be to put the line “You would’ve loved it…” in italics and maybe even isolating it further by putting it in between em-dashes. So like:
“
…summery meadow now.

— You would’ve loved it… —

It’s hot…
“
Might add even more power to that line, and have it punch even more in the gut imo.
Also, love the repeated thought of “You told me to run…” in the last 2 stanzas, with the added lil hope at the end “I’ll catch you” is just OUCH

[frigid goblet]

Btw, I could possibly do a narration of this if you’d like — would love to try it out with the emotionality within it already

[buoyant elm]

Sure, go for it! I'd love to hear someone perform this! Thanks for the feedback as well! I'll definitely keep that in mind next time I really want to sell an emotion in my writing

[frigid goblet]

Ye, I’ll do that now

[buoyant elm]

Nice, let me know when it's done

[delicate bison]

Wonderful! @buoyant elm has just pregressed to level 5!

[buoyant elm]

sick 😌

[frigid goblet]

Narration:

Ngl, I didn’t realise this to begin with, but was the misspelling of “Dear” intentional? I mean, I works cuz now I’m just picturing Bambi xD and cuz it’s a homophone, it doesn’t sound wrong, just an interesting thought

[buoyant elm]

Lol YES! I was wondering if anyone noticed that. Yes, this is a poem about Bambi talking to his mother lol

[frigid goblet]

Ayyy, love the lil Bambi guy — still, without that context tho, the poem still hits really hard, you’re pretty impressive in your works

https://tenor.com/view/bambi-disney-slip-ice-slippy-gif-5839183

[buoyant elm]

Thank you and thank you for catching the actual meaning behind the poem! Incredible narration, btw! Loved it! Is there a way I can download it?

[frigid goblet]

You can just download the video from discord — or I can convert it to an Mp3 if that’s easier

[buoyant elm]

Yeah, I figured it out. I'll convert it to an MP3 later. Thanks again! I'm beyond flattered by your narration!

[frigid goblet]

Just a simple reading, lol, but tyty — loved the poem, can’t wait to read more of your works

[nimble trout]

OMG that narration was FIRE 🔥 your emotions are insanely infectious especially towards the end. I could sense a deep sense of fear and sorrow when you said “I’ll never catch you…”

Amazing job

[frigid goblet]

What can I say, I live for the depresso stuff

[nimble trout]

Same thing!! My poems are 90% depressed

[frigid goblet]

My poems are 99% depressed :)

[nimble trout]

Perhaps mine are 99.99% depressed haha

Omg did I just turn hot pink?

I was green yesterday

They changed the colour of level 10

[fringe elbow]

Ngl, at first I thought it'll be like "my mother taught me this song before I was even born"😶.
Nice one