#Arise! Drunk Poet (Part. 1)

54 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

random trellis
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Dear Vladimir, how you’ve been?
You seem depressed, what happened?
Is it the same issue from back then?
Hope you’ve gotten over your drinking addiction!
- yours lovingly,
Taufiq.

He hadn’t gotten over it.
How he’d roll over into his taxi at 11,
After chugging vodka, saying the night’s young,
But I wish he could realise and regret,
How he’d prefer not wasting the night,
Over wasting his youth.

Like me, Vladimir had a passion,
Passion to be a striving poet,
But he lost it all, over a rejection,
Rejection by the one for whom he sold his soul for.

At night, i’d treat him to a pint of Vodka,
Called the night young and chugged him senseless,
With no sense of the night, we tripped and crawled to my humble crib,
But that’s the last time I touched alcohol.

Not the last time Vladimir did,
For the fact, while I spent nights working shifts,
He’d chug bottles till the bar closed,
Spent a quarter of a hundred for a taxi,
And reappeared, sharp at 5 in the evening.

He did no toll,
Endlessly wasting the hours his dear parents put in,
It was a point of no return,
Except the reserve bottles at the shelter,
He had nothing to his name.

Till he fell in love with a woman,
All she did was sit at bar, when his glass was empty,
She’d chug bottles effortlessly, like child’s play,
Yet even she fell in love with our guy!

Vladimir’s aspirations to be a striving poet reignited,
All for his fellow drinker,
But before he could even dip his quill,
He’d black out, slamming the desk.

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@vapid kestrel critique this, its a long story type poem

vapid kestrel
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Okay, I have surrendered the pen.

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vapid kestrel
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This is way too good for someone of my calibre to critique.

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Its not that good

vapid kestrel
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I'm serious!

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This is way better than what I can do in a million years.

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Have you read the second part?

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vapid kestrel
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Wait, are you on mobile?

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Because I want to read this poem to you.

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@tepid sun

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@unkempt folio

unkempt folio
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Common W taufiq moment

unkempt folio
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shi-

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@dim yacht

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@arctic harbor

arctic harbor
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🔥

dim yacht
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yooooooo

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yoooooo

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@scarlet bramble

scarlet bramble
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Imma save

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@wind rain

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Don’t mind the length ChaosPrettyyyyyy

wind rain
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I love this poem and the story. Relatable in a lot of ways. Well done. My main feedback is that I feel like the ending is a bit rushed and could be more... impactful. Tag me in any of your work and I'll give feedback. 🖤

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scarlet bramble
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this is the prose poem you wanted to show me, right?

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yeah when someone says prose poem I imagine more like prose, but I find this better tho.

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@static copper

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Look at this

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@oak karma

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@fresh pagoda

fresh pagoda
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I feel so honoured to have this poem read. I've got no words to say, it's Unique from the thousands of work I've come across.

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tepid sun
# random trellis Dear Vladimir, how you’ve been? You seem depressed, what happened? Is it the sam...

Damn, quite a long one, most probably fiction so that explains a lot, let's get straight to the point, the vocab is okay, not too profound but consistent so good job, but improve the vocabulary a bit so the poems will be more eye catching, then comes the rhymes, I don't see any rhymes which is kind of a turn off Especially when it's a fictional poem which doesn't hold too much emotional depth, then comes the structure, it's pretty conflicted, somewhere it's 5 somewhere 6, kinda not a good idea, then comes the imagery, this poem does paint a clear picture tho I'd say it's not too vivid to be considered really good but it's alright, metaphors? I don't see any but okay, superficial poems are usually common in fiction, then comes the typography, you tried a new structure for just two lines but okay, small steps are better than stumbling on large ones, then comes the flow, I'd like to say that I don't see a consistent flow, it's really asymmetric so it's hard to have a flow in written and spoken ways, then let's talk about texture of the poem, I'd say it's very confusing, it has many bumps, try working on that, overall feel? Pretty superficial, fictional and straight forward, needs lots of work, a 6/10 would be fair in my opinion, don't worry, this is just my opinion so take it with a grain of salt

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I’ve definitely worked on many points you mentioned already in my newer works

tepid sun
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(I haven't gotten into the emotion stuff cuz I'm not looking for issues so I rated it as a poem only)

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I’ll tag you in my latest one of this type

tepid sun
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I think you’ll like it

tepid sun
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I already tagged nvm, take your time reviewing

tepid sun