#Anti-Semetism

18 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

sick zenith
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Brawerman, an old learning place,
For the Jewish alone.
I packed for school, Harvard-Westlake,
off into the unknown.

Oblivious and unaware,
of hate in this new school.
Until one day the hate too much,
fire made from the fuel.

A Swastika was discovered,
yet not a whisper heard.
The situation quieted,
buried, not a said word.

Yet one day everything did change,
October 7th morn.
Propaganda, evilly spread,
The truth bitter and scorned.

True beliefs camouflaged,
A pang of guilt I bear,
For now Jewish necklace unclipped,
it will not reappear.

Learning a lesson of man’s hate,
The necklace not worn once more.
Fearing if I were to wear it,
There’d be haters galore.

Silent, a thing I hate to be,
My voice reduced to naught.
For if I get a chance to speak,
I’ll prove I’m worth a lot.

hazy lotus
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sum parts are kinda confusing

jaunty schoonerBOT
hazy lotus
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but i like the story🤍

sick zenith
hazy lotus
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certain parts were hard for me to read

sick zenith
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but why?

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Like hard words? Or it didn't make sense?

trail plover
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@sick zenith STOP I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!! AHHH!!! ok, ok wait. That was an AMAZING read. "until one day hate too much..." At first when I read it, I thought the 'hate' was too basic but it turned out very nice coupled with the next line (love your inversion too, there!). The alliteration of fire made from the fuel also sounds extremely nice, and is very melodic. Everything up to "Learning a lesson of man's hate" I like. My issue with thereafter is that the following stanza feels uneeded. You have already said the necklace would not appear and your fear, and stressed feelings of the 'situation' is very apparent through your varied diction like "scorned..guilt [you] bear... evilly". I like how you "[learned] a lesson of man's hate", though. I just wish that idea was coupled with different lines, or phrased differently. Additionally, "haters galore" is uneedingly stressed and removes that beautiful melody your poetry had going for it!!! I also like your last stanza and the plight of jewish people in face of antisemitism.

sick zenith
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@trail plover Thank you!!! So if I just take out "Learning a lesson of man’s hate,
The necklace not worn once more.
Fearing if I were to wear it,
There’d be haters galore." you tihnk it will be much better?

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I'm really glad you liked it!!

mint geode
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This hit hard.

mint geode
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It is a horrific poem.

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(Horrific in the feel)

sick zenith
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thx, glad u like it!

wooden moss
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indeed the poem is horrific, its a poignant and powerful expression of a personal journey encountering ahate and prejudice
the imagery is vivid and slides the reader into an emotional landscape with each line
the poem is a brave and thought-provoking piece

sick zenith
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thanks @wooden moss

lilac scaffold
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An important and impactful poem indeed. Thank you for writing and sharing. As for feedback, I suggest keeping the syllable count from the first stanza (8-6-8-6) throughout. It would throw me off a bit as a reader when I would get to lines that didn't follow that pattern because of the strength of the first stanza. For your reference, the first is 8-6-8-6, second is 8-6-8-5, third is 8-6-8-6, fourth is 8-6-8-7, fifth is 6-6-8-6, sixth is 9-7-8-7, and seventh is 8-6-8-8.