Fly High, Fall Hard, Walk On (Remastered version) -Rider

[broken pine]

Somebody wanted me to write a version of #1225988612022341643 that was a bit more hope instilling, here it is.

Fly High, Fall Hard, Walk On (Remastered version) -Rider

@lucid musk @peak relic @teal epoch @mossy cedar

@winter cave @winter cave @stoic pagoda

@tall galleon @marble valve

@hybrid hearth @tough mango @digital raven

@ripe plover @winter cave @left spruce

@teal orchid @cold urchin @main bobcat

@winter cave @pulsar ore @scarlet warren

if anyone i pinged was disturbed, i apologise

[main bobcat]

I quite like this rendition.
It feels cleaner than the original version.

[left spruce]

Wow great poem, yeah I like this version way better , the last stanza was my favorite in this and the second last

[teal orchid]

I love this (sorry I don't have a lot of feedback)

[hybrid hearth]

this is much clearer

the last stanza looks a lot more coherent too

[lucid musk]

I like this but tbh I liked the og more... I just felt that u wrote this one not because of urself thus the last few paras which were changed though nice didn't make me feel any emotions but that's just imo. It's still a great poem. Everything's perfect tbh just that it didn't connect with me.

[hybrid hearth]

like this one more, because the last stanzas seem more connected for me

[tough mango]

It's like a person's two sides , this one is still hopeful and wants the best and the other poem is like wanting nothing but death .
'Nobody here will miss me ,
But what if I collect the debris'
This here, it is the hope you wanna carry on . And this shows the -ve side of the person.
'Fell hard because I flew high,
nobody nearby to gift a goodbye."
I like this change . Much easier to read and understand .
I hope you are doing good .

[broken pine]

concerning, have a cupcake 🧁

[lucid musk]

Not concerning.... but thanks for the cupcake. 🫶

[broken pine]

if we're being completely honest, i do prefer that one but this one is just my dad forcing me to write more positive

[lucid musk]

Hmm see I knew it... but ig maybe writing positive stuff will make u feel better. Now u have a 🧁

[peak relic]

I like this better. A poem with hope. It's a great poem. Good job rider.

[sharp wraith]

*I like this better.

A poem with hope. It's a great

poem. Good job rider.*

- Sreya!!

[stoic pagoda]

Brooo in the line "My heartbeat streaked with colourful dyes"
Instead of streaked, skreaks would be better to maintain the present tense.

[broken pine]

streaked is more of a description here than an action, my heartbeat is streaked, not that is has streaked

[tall galleon]

I like the poem, the last stanza does it mean you start to move on? 🤌 if so I will be the happiest person.

[winter cave]

I love it and it's good and hopeful and idk I don't have words but I love it. Man I start crying when I read your poems but it's a me problem. As usual good job rider.

[broken pine]

if you want the dark version here it is: #1225988612022341643

[crimson cove]

Nice, this one had a lot more of the "its a new day its a new dawn" feel towards the end

One thing that might be cool is if you can describe the color of the sun again

In the start it was gray, in the end maybe you can call it yellow

To show either how your perception has changed or how the environment has changed

[broken pine]

About the sun, I'll look into it

[broken pine]

@next sky

[cold urchin]

Why'd u delete it? it was good bro

[lucid musk]

He left the server

[cold urchin]

Oh... why?