#Wordsworth Inspired Poem

53 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

bright wagon
#

😗 🤌🏽

raven panther
spice copper
#

😊😊

#

Wow

prime spire
#

5.7/10

raven panther
spice copper
#

7/10

prime spire
raven panther
prime spire
#
  • Better meter + better use of words.
#

First takeaway, swearing. Points cut for the mention of Wordsworth. Disgraceful to him.

raven panther
#

original is too hot for tv

prime spire
raven panther
raven panther
prime spire
raven panther
hybrid glenBOT
raven panther
prime spire
#

you mean to say, this is not your poem.

raven panther
#

i just wrote it

raven panther
prime spire
raven panther
#

its called an artistic libertey

#

googel it 😎

prime spire
#

I know about that. You don't know do to use it perhaps.

raven panther
#

no i just used it all over the place

prime spire
#

whatever, still a 5.5/10.

raven panther
#

its called an artistic LIBERTY guy you use it LIBERALLY

raven panther
gritty smelt
raven panther
prime spire
#

i still stand by my rating.

gritty smelt
#

I wasn't quibbling about your rating. I was objecting to the idea that you can't make fun of Wordsworth simply because he's the greatest poet ever, which I don't agree with either, but we each will have our own favorites.

warm breach
#

i don’t think I really like this, but it’s far from the worst poem i’ve read. it reads like something that has its shoelaces tied together, rhyme in the style of lyrical miracle, with no real attention to flow and rhythm. I’d slow it down a bit and try to make it flow correctly first, something that reads in a more natural sense.

the word choice is odd, some vulgarity which I don’t mind but I also don’t care for. it makes the poem more obnoxious and perhaps (if done well) far more casual sounding and hence probably better.

unfortunately i just can’t spot much more enticing aspects here. the dandelion growing from sidewalk is a cliche, and there isn’t much else regarding substance, certainly nothing evoking.

there’s a break into a ramble that gives the feel of narrative poetry, which reminds me somewhat of another poet who writes in a similar style. i think his voice was far more developed and his work was also quite a bit more experimental. this just seems casual to the point where it actually doesn’t seem to care at all, which may or may not be what you want.

i’d probably suggest abandoning the lyrical miracle rhyme approach you take in favor of adopting a more conversational approach, so that your work flows a bit better. additionally, i’d try some more experimental stuff like the use of typography, maybe meta, and so on, more of a reward to the reader that’s willing to engage with the content and read past the slang and the swearing.

for what it’s worth, the last line was decent.

raven panther
prime spire
#

nha, I decided it is a 4.7.

#

originally.

warm breach
gritty smelt
# warm breach https://docs.google.com/document/d/1cd82yguft4bYuo5tDYfsDJcPryrW33rJN35-lZCRMrQ/...

@warm breach Good standards and tough bars to reach. I doubt I can live up to them, but I try. Back in the days of msn and yahoo groups I belonged to a poetry workshop group called The Blank Slate. I miss those people. They were a good group. There were standards that largely were adhered to: things like critique the poem, not the poet. Or, find at least one thing you liked about a poem and one thing you didn't like AND SAY WHY YOU DIDN'T LIKE IT and offer a suggestion to improve it. Drives me nuts to have someone drop in and say things like, "Loved your poem!" Not much you can say back besides thank you.

I keep looking - so far in vain - for a workshop of the caliber of The Blank Slate. Are you aware of a good poetry workshop group - one that won't try and charge you heaps of money to join?

warm breach
#

granted i know r/ocpoetry probably gives fair feedback

#

just haven't gotten it out of them, but at least they explain their praise with reasonable accuracy

#

and the folks over at the midnight poets talk radio show

#

they don't critique at all though in truth, not at all like what i do now, which is simply to apply my perspective, and then offer context so they understand where im coming from

#

but they do offer pretty good comprehensive analysis

#

i don't know anyone else that takes my approach outside of classrooms tho

#

its inspired somewhat by classrooms though, well, classes that i would consider more rigorous than the actual classes i took for writing myself lol

#

also indy gives good feedback i think

gritty smelt
#

There is a course on Coursera.org on Modern & Contemporary Poetry (ModPo for short) that is big on close reading. It's free, but it's not a workshop. Thanks for the suggestions.