the forever wielder

[normal snow]

I feel my skeleton shiver,
the blood inside thicken,
my hearts petals wither,
sufferer of battle fever,
and yet I am a believer,
a human shield within
that took the dent and
forced the blow through
a thousand colors
of vibrating emotions,
the forever wielder.

[scenic trench]

Oh this one is short and sweet one

I like it

you describe yourself as wearing out by fighting something

but you are firm on your stance and will fight

showing vigour and Vitality

quite nice!

Make stanzas more clear and put spacing

this is my suggestion

[normal snow]

Thank you 🫡

[formal olive]

A human shield within what? You tryna be fancy leaving it ambiguous? I think it might be a little too ambiguous / the wrong ambiguity

[normal snow]

within my thoughts

I dont think its that ambiguous. the poem speaks for itself, the resilience of thoughts

[formal olive]

That was not clear to me at all

[scenic trench]

Damn you sure are a hard critique

[formal olive]

I thought u either were a human shield in a shield wall or had a human shield within you and neither of those really fit

[scenic trench]

ever thought of expanding this poem?

[normal snow]

emotions, heart withering, ect. Maybe its unclear but clear to me idk

[formal olive]

Yea that is one of the hardest things in writing- making it make sense to others

[scenic trench]

I cought it dont worry

[scenic trench]

you might not be understandable to all, but I did get you

tho I suggest if your aim is to please everyone

then you gotta make things like baby food

but if you want to convey a complex emotion, then you pave your own path!

[normal snow]

I do think it could be improved but not every poem will be everyones cup of tea

[formal olive]

Also fwiw readers are interpreting stuff on the spot and for certain things being clear ‘when you think about it’ (like the within thing) is an issue for me at least

[normal snow]

I could have expanded on it but didn't want to make a long piece, I get how ppl could get confused though

[scenic trench]

yes I agree
A poem cant be felt the way reader intends it to always

[normal snow]

I also think my style of writing is pretty cryptic at times, this one is less cryptic then most of my poetry

[scenic trench]

hmm I get what you are trying to say
but you should make it 4x3
4 lines and 3 stanzas

[normal snow]

I might, I'll edit it later today

[exotic dew]

i like how the paradox of being both vulnerable (petals withering) and resilient (shielding against blows) adds depth to the poem.

the poem balances vulnerability and resilience, leaving room for interpretation. although, to enhance clarity, consider refining the imagery and expanding on certain themes ( for ex 'a thousand colors' could express a lot at once, try adding specifics to it maybe? like certain shades that express the feeling of the speaker more clearly?)
overall, i like the concept of the poem

[thin stratus]

Wonderful! @exotic dew has just pregressed to level 1!

[normal snow]

thanks dostoevsky