#The Promise

34 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

plucky sorrel
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I weave a bond she has not known,
Amend her strength with care I've shown,
Earnest I speak against her ear,
The words she needs, its lack severe,

So press I had to seal our tie,
Amassed our rings encased in lie,
Since days that pass a void alone,
Betroth her pain, my wrongs atoned,

Yet when I breathe it's tight around,
I trip on heels beneath her gown,
Then grab the cloth few words had sown,
To tear apart a life unknown,

My hands with blood, her chest bare screams,
Every strip I rip its seams,
Her hands I felt yet let them go,
To leave exposed her heart that froze.

hot wadi
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ohh

hexed blaze
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This is really good!

hot wadi
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Damn

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spicy stuff

hot wadi
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a person with 'experience' of being in similar condition, I think your poem serves it's purpose well

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The starting, I weave a bond
is a nice starting, it implies a start of something or a start of story

heavy nebulaBOT
plucky sorrel
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Yeah it’s a tough circumstance

heavy nebulaBOT
hot wadi
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good tactic to catch attention

hot wadi
hot wadi
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its much easier to soak up the meaning and it looks quite good

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people just feel that poem is hard if you do not do that

plucky sorrel
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Oh ok!

hot wadi
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I thought the same , but when I read it
it was easy as hell

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is it about Divorce?

plucky sorrel
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It’s about rushing to commit too early in a relationship just because 1. You realize they need you and 2. You don’t want to be alone

hot wadi
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yeah I can see that

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because you wrote the line

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Amassed our rings encased in lie,

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.

plucky sorrel
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Yeah that’s the lie

hot wadi
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yeah I could see how you can use it

plucky sorrel
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They’re strangers lol they’re not true lovers

hot wadi
plucky sorrel
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O?

hot wadi
plucky sorrel
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Yeah that’s a succinct way to put it

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It’s more about that fervor we feel in the beginning than about having built something that’ll last