#Growing up

1 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

wet lark
#

Waking up amidst a storm of distress, feeling like a ship lost at sea,
Chest burdened, haunted by the echoes of night.
Tears streaming down, cheeks drenched in sorrow
Alone in the bed, drowning in a sea of rue

No one to play peek-a-boo with the shadows that loom,
Left adrift, in a vast ocean of gloom,
No one to wait, no one to love,
No one to care, not even a dove.

So, I rise from this abyssal blend,
Promising love to my own soul,
In the mirror, I see my reflection clear,
Red puffy eyes and nose, yet I persevere.

Lips trying to depart in a smile
Promising love to thyself
In the end, it's me on this labyrinthine journey's trail,
Together with myself, I shall prevail

sharp root
#

i felt that-

coral shuttle
#

reminds me a lot of on turing 10 by billy collins

wet lark
#

How will you guys rate it out of 10

jagged irisBOT
wet lark
#

@lunar gale

coral shuttle
sharp root
#

7/10

wet lark
#

Thanks

sharp root
#

very lovely work

wet lark
#

Thanks

sharp root
#

ofc

wet lark
#

@dusk escarp

lapis sandal
#

Very well written! I think the line that stuck out to me most was “Lips trying to depart in a smile” as though it’s a half effort, a small attempt to make yourself alright

lunar gale
#

Honestly, this is a really great and relatable poem (again), the theme and the vocabulary is simplistic which I loved as it makes it reach more people (again), the absence of rhyme and metaphors make it really reliable and the repetition in the poem displays emotions really well, the image setting is good, if we talk about the structure, it's really effective in terms of making a flow, however, it'd be better if it had metaphors, loved the 2nd stanza. Overall, great job, it's quite a good piece, personally I'd rate it 8/10. Thanks

dusk escarp
#

This one is amazing to this has to be a 9/10 for me . The emotions it made me feel. Damn great imagery here I love the last paragraph very impactful(especially on me).

wet lark
#

@vapid vapor @ionic escarp

#

@still fractal

ionic escarp
#

Imagery and metaphors are amazing. The lines have my heart. The rhythm could use a little more work and the rhyming scheme too. I really love this poem, this hits home. Good job.

wet lark
#

@oak rivet

still fractal
#

thats a 9 for me omg
thats literally how i was feeling yesternight
Loved itt ❤️

also for me the rhyming isnt a problem .. it kinda depicts how emotional u were while writing the poem

wet lark
still fractal
oak rivet
#

This is an absolutely amazing poem wow!! You said you are having problems with the rhyme,, id first tell you that not all poems are supposed to rhyme. Breaking the flow can describe the thought process of the writer which this poem portrays beautiful. But since you insist- "So, I rise from this abyssal blend,
Promising love to my own soul, on every bend" could be rhymed. Then "Waking up amidst a storm of distress, feeling like a lost ship at the sea longing for redress". This is all I could come up with.
In all honesty it's a lovely poem! Loved every line

vapid vapor
#

approved

wet lark
flint beacon
#

oh wow, it's beautiful!

wet lark
#

@warm hamlet

warm hamlet
#

another beautiful poem

wet lark
#

Thanks

wet lark
#

@outer wing

outer wing
#

Could use better vocab and metaphor

#

If possible you should turn it into a sonnet then the rhyme scheme would come i think

#

Overall its a very nice poem

wet lark
#

@bright scarab

bright scarab
#

AHH

#

SORRY IM HERE NOW

bright scarab
# wet lark <@1170833275732885668>

8/10, I love how you describe how the characters feel and what they're thinking, I also likes poems that rhythms every 3 sentences and I like how you rhymed "In the mirror, I see my reflection clear. Red puffy eyes and nose, yet I persevere. ", I rlly liked that one, I think u did a great job!! You're doing great deer:D

wet lark
#

@little spire