My Addiction -Hydrae

[graceful storm]

<@&1145760802666717234> me mentioning cuz didi can't. Review this poem y'all.

[primal obsidian]

@turbid mirage

@turbid void

@acoustic canyon

@supple harbor

@torn pier

[acoustic canyon]

beautiful. your writing and the poem itself is just AMAZING.

[turbid void]

you already have my reaction

[primal obsidian]

Still I want a comment here👀

[primal obsidian]

Thanks xanny

[primal obsidian]

That's cap tho

[turbid void]

do you want me to come to your house and 'poetry' some sense into you?

[primal obsidian]

@valid turret

[primal obsidian]

Hmm sure if u can

[turbid void]

No.

[primal obsidian]

Ouch... but ok

[supple harbor]

did i not read it a few hours ago?

[primal obsidian]

Umm no👀

[supple harbor]

oh yes, that was Solus's poem

https://discord.com/channels/944439929734312006/1218286948398010562

[primal obsidian]

I see gotta check it out

[primal obsidian]

Feed back?? Did u even read it??

[supple harbor]

no

[primal obsidian]

Hmm

[primal obsidian]

@little kindle

@copper parcel

[little kindle]

yes?

[little kindle]

its beautiful, well done. I really like it

the second paragraph almost made me think you were switching timelines

[little kindle]

shh, no threats. let her have a good sleep

[supple harbor]

Nice, but only that much.

5.0/10

[copper parcel]

Dear,
Go
To
Sleep!

https://tenor.com/view/lol-gif-5041505396278908851

[little kindle]

ahh ok dear

love ya

[copper parcel]

Love u more

[supple harbor]

🤣

[turbid void]

What is going on over here

Damn solus got himself a WiFi wtf (and yea I meant to type WiFi)

[primal obsidian]

@urban widget

@copper parcel

[primal obsidian]

Not really

Just wanted to vent and poetry is my therapy

The last line I say .... you were still my addiction....

Not anymore

[copper parcel]

Long story short…
I confessed

[primal obsidian]

Solus are you a girl??👀

[copper parcel]

Wait in line

Ur turn to know comes after the 16th person

Goodluck!

[primal obsidian]

I think ur.. u give me mother vibes 👀 at times

[copper parcel]

Did u just call me old…

[primal obsidian]

But u r old right??? Older than me... im a kid 👀

[primal obsidian]

Did you read my poem.... read ut and give me review👀

[copper parcel]

I’m 17

[primal obsidian]

But u older than me...(by one year)

[copper parcel]

Same same

Ur a lil bro

[primal obsidian]

I'm not bro👀💀

@copper parcel give me feedback for the poem

[copper parcel]

Wait what

Nope

Neit

[primal obsidian]

You thought I was bro🥲😮‍💨

[copper parcel]

From first day

[primal obsidian]

Wait so u thought I was gay... when I was talking about my crush👀

[copper parcel]

…

[primal obsidian]

Damn

[graceful storm]

Solus thought my sister was a bro.

[primal obsidian]

Even in my poem I say "for him , my addiction "

[copper parcel]

Please tell me ur a bro too!

[graceful storm]

||Ummm.. I mean you are half gay either way tho.||

[graceful storm]

No. I'm not a bro. I'm a girl.

[copper parcel]

…

Oh well

[primal obsidian]

Hmm I mean... I like all types of humans... so

[copper parcel]

Haven’t read it yet

[primal obsidian]

Read it then😮‍💨

[graceful storm]

Yeah half gay.

[copper parcel]

Or

Hear me out

Just a nice person

Hmm?

[primal obsidian]

Yeah better

[graceful storm]

😭 she's a nice person. (Sometimes, the other times I get bullied)

[primal obsidian]

You bully mee I don't 💀

[graceful storm]

Irl it's the opposite.

[graceful storm]

Anywez as sisters, without bullying we ain't worth calling each other sis

[primal obsidian]

Solus read my poem and give feedback plssssss

[primal obsidian]

@copper parcel

[copper parcel]

First line too abstract, not a good opening line, it’s like the first line of a novel, gotta reel the reader in with conviction which is absent in abstract notions. Wdym by world? It’s too broad, get what I mean?
I like the imagery, it’s creative. Not a fan of the between he for the first 2 stanzas and ‘you’ for the last stanza. It suggests the persona has flaws in their conviction.

@primal obsidian

[primal obsidian]

Okie 🫡 me will see what me can do

[primal obsidian]

But i used world .... cuz it was broad there were no boundaries but okie

[copper parcel]

World is too open ended, it suggests closeness as much as alienation

[primal obsidian]

But it was that.... I felt we were close.... we weren't it was all a lie

[torn pier]

[primal obsidian]

[turbid void]

[torn pier]

Do i give a feedback here or the dm was fine?

[primal obsidian]

It's fine

[primal obsidian]

Just add anything u like

[primal obsidian]

[primal obsidian]

@granite dock .... read my poem

[granite dock]

k

[pseudo cove]

wow, this is really nice!

[undone sorrel]

Wonderful! @pseudo cove has just pregressed to level 12!

[primal obsidian]

Thanks

[primal obsidian]

@fierce prawn

[fierce prawn]

come on vc!

[primal obsidian]

I can't 😮‍💨... u read my poem though

[fierce prawn]

okay

[urban widget]

This is pretty good... I like the effect of the repetitions... Very vivid portrayal of emotion... I always liked themes that explored the complexity of human nature... Despite being hurt u r still addicted... i think u could use more imagery... But overall i liked this poem

[primal obsidian]

Thank u feedback appreciated

[urban widget]

But what about mine 🥺

[fierce prawn]

the first stanza really sets the stage for the other stanzas and well sounds more like song lyrics to me

[primal obsidian]

Damn really ... maybe I should make it a song....👀

[primal obsidian]

And thank u

[primal obsidian]

@rapid hinge

[fierce prawn]

i would love to hear it[and maybe sing some parts too if u allow ofcourse]👀

[primal obsidian]

Okie sure would love to ( i won't sing ut cuz I sound bad)

U totally may sing it

[fierce prawn]

hmm, i aint no music composer tho

so

uhh

need a tune

[fierce prawn]

says every pro singer ever

[primal obsidian]

I'll give u the tune

[fierce prawn]

okay

[primal obsidian]

Nah man really

[copper parcel]

This poem is so strangely nostalgic in a good way

[primal obsidian]

Thank u

@granite dock read and give feedback

[primal obsidian]

@copper parcel

[copper parcel]

Your poem beautifully captures the complexity of emotions in a tumultuous relationship. The imagery you use paints a vivid picture of longing, conflict, and ultimately, addiction

[primal obsidian]

Thank you

@turbid mirage

[turbid mirage]

Okay okay, I will today okay? (Tho I have a doc's appointment in some hours 😑)

[primal obsidian]

You have time for others but not for your sweet sis... okay/hj(but its fine just do it when ur free ig)

[turbid mirage]

I am Trying dude, it's not my fault, all the poems are literally scattered here and there, I'm trying to follow the sequence (plus my mood is literally thrown out of the roof today, so I don't have much energy either ways)

[primal obsidian]

It's fine uts fine take ur time I just saw u review someone else's poem so thought u were free... ( do it tomorrow if ur not ok)

[turbid mirage]

I am kinda free, that person dmed so I thought why not start clearing the clutter so I am trying my hardest to just not get yk funky and go back to drinking while reviewing the poems

[primal obsidian]

Uh huh if ur feeling the urge to drink u should probably stop whatevers urging u.... and uk what don't read my poem now if thats how u r feeling rn

[turbid mirage]

Dude it's not because of the poem, it's something else

Something a bit more personal that somebody crossed the line for

I can't talk about it here

[primal obsidian]

Ah ic well uk I am always free to talk just dm if u wanna talk

[primal obsidian]

Hmm okie

[north fjord]

Woahhh, this poems tells me how the authors feels and how the guy left the girl but the girl still wanted him!! This is great! You did a nice job:DDDD

You dersved sum more attentions buttercup<33

[primal obsidian]

Aww thanks

[coral sigil]

its good

[primal obsidian]

Thanks potat... love ur feedback👀

[coral sigil]

np

[primal obsidian]

@valid turret

[valid turret]

Yes dear

[primal obsidian]

Read and review @valid turret

[primal obsidian]

@boreal python

[primal obsidian]

@copper parcel

[ebon furnace]

wonderful poem , I believe you either talking about an addiction of love and the obsession and excessiveness of it is a sin, the word choice is great here too

[primal obsidian]

Thank you ... I appreciate the feedback

[primal obsidian]

And yes I was talking about being addicted to my ex

[granite dock]

FLOW

-1st para

Nice flow, the use of words was simple, which is good as they compliment each other not very complex to the point.

-2nd para

I feel flow fell off a bit, I think after the third line "So long, yet his ghostly touch still lingers" this was the off point, it is a simple line which is again a good thing as it compliments to the first para overall, the line is long and stands out it feels like a different entity then a component, the long line makes it so that it takes more time to read and the flow breaks.

3rd para-

the flow has changed it is not like the first or second, it is not a bad thing it just reduces uniformity a bit (idc abt uniformity tbf) I like it personally, the last three lines are the best part the flow is good. the word choice is good, and the idea is clear. a good ending line.

CONCEPT

Simple concept, it is easier to play with, it is well played with the Idea LOVE IS ADDICTION is basic, I like the interpretation here tho, "LOVE IS ADDICTION, it is one way" to signify the idea that the writer's pov and problems, there could be more insight to the past or a more vivid insight into the past, and as to why the "you" is so addicting, the idea of them still lingering feels kinda left off

WORD CHOICE

simple, precise and direct. it is a good and safe style, common but effective I like it, some more imagery could be added.

WORD PLAY

Overall decent

last para best, excellent.

POEMS ARGUMENT

it is a direct one, love is addicting, it is not less potent then narcotics, it is a legal one. it is hopeless.
I don't think it is much of a counterable one as it is combined with heartbreak.

OVERALL

poems good. it is not unique, it is not different it is plain old good. it is a simple read I would personally read this when I wanna get in touch with reality, I like it. I like mostly more complex structures and more archiac settings (personal choice), although this particular style appeals to most people so it is cool.

[primal obsidian]

Thanks for the feedback versie boy

[granite dock]

ok hydrae boy

[primal obsidian]

👀

[granite dock]

🗿

[primal obsidian]

@olive kiln

@barren oxide

[barren oxide]

Hi!

[primal obsidian]

Hey could u review my poem

[barren oxide]

Wow! The first stanza is quite fast-paced, making the reader feel the passion. Good job! The second stanza is a repressed desire to see them. The last stanza is like coming to terms with the loss, yet still clinging to it.

[barren oxide]

Sure, this is an overall review, but I will review in detail soon.

[primal obsidian]

It's fine thank u

[olive kiln]

Woah nice poem and extremely beautiful imagery. I can feel the desperation and longing but also the guilt and regret . And oh how I love Love .
"Making me wish I sinned
For him , my addiction"
Aww literally my favourite line .

[primal obsidian]

Thank u it is also one of my fav from the poem

[primal obsidian]

@modest quest

[valid turret]

1. This poem skillfully captures the intense emotions and complexities of a tumultuous relationship.
2. The vivid imagery and repetition enhance its impact, while the structure effectively conveys the emotional journey.
   However, smoother transitions between stanzas could improve coherence. Overall, it's a powerful exploration of love, desire, and addiction.

[primal obsidian]

Thank u .... could u go read sreya's new poems too

[valid turret]

....oh ok

[primal obsidian]

https://discord.com/channels/944439929734312006/1221111668046696449

[primal obsidian]

https://discord.com/channels/944439929734312006/1222489474102198385

[graceful storm]

Thanks for this T-T

[primal obsidian]

Always sis always

[graceful storm]

🫶

[turbid mirage]

Hm, I can definitely see improvement, the structure became defined, the lack of rhyme is again giving the more heartfelt feeling, the vocab is easy, clean and concise, I can see more imagery and metaphors but they're still a bit weak, in the end it's overall a good poem with still a lot of potential, I would give this an 8/10

[hollow halo]

Hey

Nice poem. talks about how addictive the seratonin and all that harmones are during love

I hope this is the meaning

or else

There is another meaning, which is quite also relatable

but

I dont know how to put into words

@primal obsidian

[primal obsidian]

Oh thanks well it was basically about how I fell in love so hard while for him it was nothing

[hollow halo]

I did get it right

yes it hurts when we care about someone and it does not come back

[primal obsidian]

Yeah

[hollow halo]

feels like we loose a boomerang we care a lot abt

[primal obsidian]

Well I have been in the situations many times now ... it stops hurting after few times

[hollow halo]

been there ,feels sad

[primal obsidian]

Damn ... true though

[hollow halo]

yes, you get anticipated about it

the fact of the matter is

[primal obsidian]

Yeah

[hollow halo]

we still feel pain, only if even our brain gets convinced that it is love

after a lot of times, brain still can think about boundries

[primal obsidian]

Yeah u kind of look forward to it after a point cuz thats all u have ever known

[hollow halo]

but if you bypasss that, you can hurt people

and if you do it often, you will make people toxic

[primal obsidian]

Yes

[hollow halo]

yeah

you can go like , I dont need love
but your nature takes over and wants you to love someone

and if you fall in love, its over
it will grow day by day and you will loose your intellectual hold on your actions

its best to control our mind from beginning

and only follow heart when its safe

teenage love is very chaotic, lives are not even fixed

@primal obsidian you there

[primal obsidian]

Yeah fr

[primal obsidian]

I am sorry had to do something

[hollow halo]

it ok

[primal obsidian]

Yeah but I agree with what u said

[hollow halo]

I got an inspiration for a new poem

[primal obsidian]

But that's the issue right I don't want to yet I fall

[hollow halo]

Same lmao, but I am more Pillar men

[primal obsidian]

Oh good tag me when u done

[hollow halo]

https://tenor.com/view/wamuu-jojo-pillar-men-awaken-my-mastersa-anime-gif-17075894

[hollow halo]

How about this

You are sad and you wanna be loved
The vacancy becomes so much to bear that
the partner in your imagination becomes so irresistable that you get really mad

[primal obsidian]

It's good .... u write freeverse usually?

[primal obsidian]

Oh ok

[hollow halo]

I dont know

[hollow halo]

do you know what it means?

[primal obsidian]

Oh ic

[primal obsidian]

Not really no👀

[hollow halo]

Pillarmen are jojo villians

That's it

I quit like their design

[primal obsidian]

Ic....

[hollow halo]

Nd also want to become pillarmen

Idk how

[primal obsidian]

Ohh

[hollow halo]

Is that powerpuff girl?

[primal obsidian]

Yeah it's buttercup

[hollow halo]

🤢

[primal obsidian]

What did she do to u man

[hollow halo]

No
The colour of her hair and eyes matches this

[primal obsidian]

Still duh that emoji is ....

[hollow halo]

🤮

🙂

It's normal now

[primal obsidian]

It's not 👀

[hollow halo]

It literally puked

[primal obsidian]

Hmm 👀

[forest barn]

That poem hits hard

[hollow halo]

Yeah

[primal obsidian]

Thanks

[primal obsidian]

@raven vector @sage valve

[sage valve]

Our worlds collided reminds me of zero eclipse from AoT and God darn it triggered smth in me

God this sounds amazing off my tongue

[primal obsidian]

Damn the best compliment I have gotten on it tbh thanks..

[primal obsidian]

Ohh I never thought of it but now that u said it.....👀

[sage valve]

Wdym it isn't good 😭 I can't get such a grip over rhythm and repetition over some lines without making it excessive and forced....

[sage valve]

You listen to it?

[primal obsidian]

Damn nah man I have read ur poems they are so good

[sage valve]

Naur I haven't shown you the poems where I try to repeat some lines to give it some vibe and I mess up soooo bad

[primal obsidian]

Yeah it's so good (the hiroyuki sawano one right?)

[sage valve]

Yessssss

[primal obsidian]

They must be good too u just capping

[primal obsidian]

It's playing rn 👀

[sage valve]

Reminds me of someone I used to say those lines to a lot yk

[primal obsidian]

The vibes are fire 🔥

[primal obsidian]

Ahh ic

[sage valve]

I have wandered the walls forever~

[sage valve]

Frfr

[primal obsidian]

But came upon a way for my return...

[primal obsidian]

Yeah

[sage valve]

It's playing rn here too 😭

[primal obsidian]

Ahh it finished here though

[sage valve]

Our ...worlds ec... li..pse
Black sugar
Keep it __ up till the dawn

[sage valve]

Oof-

Sorry I clogged the feedback space lmao

[primal obsidian]

You're the trigger ... killer

[sage valve]

Eye of the storm!

[primal obsidian]

Ikr but I started it again the masterpiece deserves it

[primal obsidian]

Eh it's fine I don't mind

[sage valve]

It doessss

[primal obsidian]

But if there's no desire

[primal obsidian]

Yeah

[sage valve]

To get back out alive

[primal obsidian]

You're a hero?

[sage valve]

You're bigger bigger

Imagine I made a type there I'd be muted for another day ;-;

[marble osprey]

*Imagine I made

a type there I'd be muted

for another day ;-;*

- 99.99% Heavi

[primal obsidian]

Why do you hide?

[sage valve]

I will shiver, shiver

[primal obsidian]

Damn... why u got muted before though?

[sage valve]

" sn I gger"

Lolll

Not for a whole day tho thankfully

[primal obsidian]

Ohhh okie I get it

[primal obsidian]

Ahh but the next would be for a whole day ig

[primal obsidian]

Into the fire!!

[sage valve]

No lol the line is "it's suicide" when she says why do you hide XD

[primal obsidian]

Oh yeah ... damn why do I mix them up always

[sage valve]

REAL

I love sawano fr

[primal obsidian]

That voice man so good

[sage valve]

Ikrrr

[primal obsidian]

@flat egret

[flat egret]

wow that's alot of reactions

hm a short one

feels odd to say your hands intertwined

I keep thinking interlaced but you use that line later on for a different subject

personally I value variety but using the same word for different meanings is nuanced too

[primal obsidian]

Thanks for the feedback 🫶

[flat egret]

np

[boreal python]

sorry for being late i had my exams, your poem is good, i like the way you express urself.

[primal obsidian]

Aww its fine love I understand... and thank u

[boreal python]

u relly good at expressing ngl

[primal obsidian]

Thank u really I appreciate it

[primal obsidian]

@foggy smelt

[foggy smelt]

https://discord.com/channels/944439929734312006/1221179594753966140

Bro where is it

[foggy smelt]

I can't get to it

[primal obsidian]

Damn just scroll ig

[foggy smelt]

U ping me

I can't

[primal obsidian]

... here go to this message

[primal obsidian]

Ohh fine

@foggy smelt

[foggy smelt]

Oh i already got it

https://tenor.com/view/heroine-tarumono-heroines-run-the-show-heroines-anime-anime-heroines-hiyori-gif-25760930

But thank you anyways

Your poem captures the intensity of a tumultuous relationship with vivid imagery and emotional depth. The imagery in your poem is vivid and evocative, drawing readers into the emotional landscape of the speaker's experience. Phrases like "Pools of heavens honey" and "ghostly touch still lingers" create a sensory-rich atmosphere that immerses the reader in the speaker's emotions. Your poem explores love’s complexity and addiction, highlighting the contradictory feelings of desire and remorse experienced by the speaker.The use of repetition (“For him, my addiction”) emphasizes its main theme besides adding to it some urgency. Such linear progression of ideas through structured stanzas makes it easy for me to understand what you are talking about.While focusing mainly on how you felt, there is an understated portrayal of this other person involved with this case. In addition our conflicting feelings between wanting this person so bad but also hating them gives room for further analysis into their actions and intentions.In general, I think your writing could be tighter if you were more imaginative in your choice of words.I feel that you are simply repeating yourself.The first thing I noticed was that most of your sentences are too long.In essence, I think you should get rid off some extra words here.The way you keep using these long sentences makes it hard for me to follow what you are saying.In conclusion; his poem builds up from initial attraction through infatuation till right after break up.This structure allows for a deeper exploration of the speaker's emotional journey and consequences arising from their own actions.As much as the poem concentrates majorly on one side there is also an element describing other character.In order to make things even more complicated, my sentiments towards this individual can be described as conflicted at best such elements have enhanced its effectiveness even more.

[foggy smelt]

Overall, your poem effectively conveys the complexities of love, addiction, and regret with rich imagery and emotional resonance. Keep exploring and refining your poetic voice!

[primal obsidian]

Thank u really appreciate the detailed feedback

[foggy smelt]

Took me quite some time

[primal obsidian]

Yeah and I am grateful that u spend so much time on this

[foggy smelt]

Dw ur poems are good

Just keep evolving

https://tenor.com/view/glameow-purugly-evolution-pokemon-anime-gif-25247306

[primal obsidian]

Yeah

[foggy smelt]

Don't get big and fat like this cat

Lmao

[turbid mirage]

Why was I @?

[foggy smelt]

It was nothing

She was Just making a way to the poem for me

[primal obsidian]

Lol I already am /jkjk

[foggy smelt]

https://tenor.com/view/jujutsu-kaisen-jujutsu-kaisen-megumi-fushiguro-megumi-gif-19476517

U watch anime

[primal obsidian]

I do

[foggy smelt]

Oh nice we shouldn't talk here

Or ur poem will be filled with nothing but off topic msgs

[vestal gale]

@primal obsidian START PINGING ME PLS 😭🙏🙏

[primal obsidian]

Lol why?👀

In my poems?

[vestal gale]

Yes yes

[vestal gale]

I don't want to feel left out 😞

[primal obsidian]

Ohh I see

@vestal gale here

[vestal gale]

Next time as well pls 🌹

[primal obsidian]

Ahh yes sure

[vestal gale]

Tyty 🙇‍♀️

[graceful storm]

Seems ai to me

[foggy smelt]

Sure check it chubby

[primal obsidian]

@tired moth

[tired moth]

@primal obsidian This is such a relatable and beautiful poem...

I truly loved this

It captures this feeling so well

Of feeling so dependent on someone, by your own will

Imprisoned by your own emotions

[primal obsidian]

Thank you... you have to be one of the only few who got what i meant

[tired moth]

You did a fantastic job... This poem spells Personal Experience

[tired moth]

That's surprising, I think the poem is very clear with its message

[marble osprey]

*That's surprising, I

think the poem is very

clear with its message*

- skugi.

[primal obsidian]

Thank you I'm glad u liked it

[tired moth]

Of course <33

[primal obsidian]

Well a lot did understand it fundamentally... but not the way u did

[tired moth]

Maybe it would be for the best if I did not understand it

It would mean I wasn't able to relate to it

Unfortunately, I can

But at the very least, it helps me see and recognise the sheer beauty and emotion behind your poem

I have nothing to say except, truly, phenomenal job

[primal obsidian]

Lol true ... people should not be relating to my poems...

[primal obsidian]

Thank you it means a lot 😭❤️

[primal obsidian]

Aww ok

@ebon totem

lmao so u gonna review it now?

Thank you. The other one was me tryin out something different this one is one of my usual ones. Glad that u liked it.

[livid bison]

This poem got 398% more comments than my poems.

[primal obsidian]

[primal obsidian]

Tag me in one of yours

[primal obsidian]

And I would love if u could review it

[livid bison]

Well its rhymed. I'm confused whether the character left him or he left the character.

[primal obsidian]

Well he left the character(me)....

[livid bison]

Then why did you say "then you wouldn't be scarred?"

[primal obsidian]

Because the guy loved her too and thus he is wounded too(if only a little)

[livid bison]

That sounds like something interesting to elaborate on.

[primal obsidian]

Well this poem was basically me venting after a panic attack trigerred by something related to him and thus its basically about how he was everything for me and that without him I'm not the same and that line particularly was a small part of me imagining that he must have been hurt too by the heartbreak (most probably me being delusional)

[livid bison]

Ah I see. It's impossible to truly know what someone thinks once they've left. That's true in my experience.

[primal obsidian]

Yes, ig u get it now. I dont really know if it hurt him but I imaigine it must have hurt him a little too when it hurt me so much.

[livid bison]

Now I understand the raw emotion this poem has. It was really good.

[primal obsidian]

Thank you i really appreciate the time u took out to read it.

[marble osprey]

*Thank you i really

appreciate the time u

took out to read it.*

- Hydrae

[livid bison]

yw

[primal obsidian]

@timid igloo

[primal obsidian]

@floral ember @lofty lynx

[lofty lynx]

Awh.. I love this one too, it's really good

[floral ember]

Oh you nailed it hydrae!!!

"You weren't mine to use for intoxication
I wasn't your obsession anymore
But you were still my addiction" exceptional

[primal obsidian]

Thank you ✨️

[primal obsidian]

Thank you ❤️

[primal obsidian]

@mystic wave @steady canopy

Here have a look guys

[primal obsidian]

My Addiction -Hydrae

[primal obsidian]

@restive moat

[primal obsidian]

@slim halo