Black Rose -Rider

[cyan basalt]

It's a great poem all the metaphors are very fitting. The rhyming scheme is also perfect due to it being simple, the writing has space to shine.

[fiery geode]

I love the way you describe things with such great literacy devices!!! Its an amazing poem

[wispy talon]

now go #1218269375585587240

[vale lava]

Rider I don't even know what to say, I just love how the rhyming scheme is and the structure of the poem itself.

The poem is just truly beautiful

[small escarp]

dope. it is literally one of my top 3 here now. killed it. horsey... never stop writing.

Mashallah

[wispy talon]

why dont i ever get star

[small escarp]

how can someone give a star a star

[small escarp]

I gave

[wispy talon]

hey first poem on starboard?

[wispy talon]

thats cute bro

[small escarp]

fr

[wispy talon]

just one more star

[wicked parrot]

Loved this so much can feel the emotions radiating out

[quasi plaza]

Great poem! Gives very strong visual imagery and has good rhythm to it too! Could easily picture this being a part of an anthology or poem collection! 👍

[flint fiber]

The poem is beautiful, simple and a really nice rhyming scheme it has. I liked how you kept it simple and easy to understand this topic

[teal hull]

Lovely poem, I'm not one for melancholic poems but this one I quite like. The writing is what really brings this one out from all the others, keep doing good work.

[zinc mountain]

Poem reminds me of a cycle of life, passage of the time, loss.
Also the metaphor of withering flower was porfect
Even loved the imagery of flower's petsls falling and the mentioning of bright rose was like a ray of hope and resklience amidst the darkneas
The contrast between two flowers also great
Nice poem!!!

[sand harbor]

the poem is well done, especially the first stanza laast line, static only growing louder, nice onomotopoeia. The connection between the stanzas [the flow] would have been seamless if the sixth para found its place, because it kinda breaks the flow

[wispy talon]

interesting, what do you suggest i should do ?

[sand harbor]

maygbe shift that stanza above?

[wispy talon]

one up?

[sand harbor]

hmm one sec

put the sixth stanza after the second stanza

[wispy talon]

but stanzas 2-5 come as a full bundle

[sand harbor]

okay look you do you

my opinions maybe subjective

[wispy talon]

i like the change a lot, you were right

thanks boss

[cursive rune]

I like the imagery of coal colors greying
It references the burning image of hell quite well

[sand harbor]

You're welcome!

im no boss hehe

[night burrow]

This is beautiful

[sand harbor]

yeah this seems more in flow now!

[modest pumice]

Wonderful! @sand harbor has just pregressed to level 7!

[sand harbor]

haha thanks bot

[wispy talon]

sorry, boss

[sand harbor]

really im no boss, sir

[delicate fjord]

The first stanza flows really good! I like the alliteration that floats on my tongue in "fall and fade". The word "static" doesn't belong here, but putting it there was a really powerful thing to do; setting the mood, a contrast, a frown.

The second stanza takes on a philosophical turn, then it becomes a metaphor. Amazing!

Oh man! The last stanza takes the cake! It's so grand and beautiful! @wispy talon

[wispy talon]

okay boss

[trim jewel]

I love the flow of the words

Dang your words are also beautiful

Can you check mine? @wispy talon

[wispy talon]

thanks for the analysis boss, youve got a great mind and a great tongue

mine not so much lol

[paper geode]

Buddy, you have a

great tongue, I have a great tongue,

we are not the same :))

- asimplehumann

[wispy talon]

no way bro 💀 😂

[pallid sandal]

Hey, love the poem and the structure, but wanted to add that the endings of some verses (for example second and third) could be more to the beat? Try reading it aloud, maybe you’ll see what you mean, that in some sentences there’s either lack of syllables, or one too many of them. But everything aside, keep it up!✨💕

[wispy talon]

i always pay a lot of attention to that and i dont exactly see it, could you be a bit more specific please?

[pallid sandal]

Yes, for example in the second verse let’s take “a petal is bred anew” and “chances so very few” it would sound a bit better if it was “chances are so very few”

[wispy talon]

I don't want to sound stubborn but it genuinely sounds fine, the first two lines have 12 syllables and the last two have 13

[pallid sandal]

idk, that’s just how it sounds to me, so if that sound fine to you, that’s ok

[wispy talon]

thanks for the feedback

[patent yew]

Save

[wise linden]

wow, the way you wrote this poem and the overall message it sends is amazing! i love your ways of describing things and your word usage. this is one of the best i've read on here fs!

[wispy talon]

hm thanks

[wispy talon]

#1218321456425865257

[odd jacinth]

Absolutely gorgeous 🌹 I loved it so much, your imagery and description can really pull at the heart. Keep going!

[wispy talon]

ive been stuck at dark poems for a while

[odd jacinth]

Sometimes dark poems are the most beautiful, because they bring light to hidden subjects people can be too scared to address. Sometimes even to themselves.

[wispy talon]

atm im working on a series of three poems, gonna call the whole thing zero G

[wispy talon]

youre right but youve seen the final farewell poem, they havent gone up yet

[paper geode]

*youre right but youve seen

the final farewell poem, they

havent gone up yet*

- mustang1386

[odd jacinth]

Ooh cool!

[odd jacinth]

No, but I think in our hurt and pain is when we come up with our greatest works as poets.

[wispy talon]

i mean my mood hasnt gone up yet, it is what it is

[odd jacinth]

I know, and I hope eventually it does, but I’m so happy you’ve created something so beautiful and relatable in your hurt

[wispy talon]

youd make a good friend, thanks for reading

[odd jacinth]

Aww, likewise, thank you for creating

[muted fog]

Immaculate poem!

Simply amazing

The last two lines are such a great juxtaposition

[untold plinth]

Beautiful, an inspiring one.

[muted crown]

Woah the rhyming scheme and imagery and use of literary devices is so cool

[wispy talon]

Ill just take it even though I don't even think you read it, thanks for putting up with me

[muted crown]

I would have told you if I didn't read it

[wispy talon]

Ok

[echo berry]

I really liked the imagery, I could clearly see the described scenes, beautyful

[olive hollow]

Perfect
I gave a star

[wispy talon]

#1218321456425865257 #1218269375585587240 #1217458955291463690

[olive hollow]

💀😭

[wispy talon]

no escape

[wispy talon]

@fiery geode

@hard thicket

[muted fog]

Okay I guess I'll expand on my thoughts. I think the petal/life metaphor is neat. I think it's also interesting how this contributes to the cycle of suffering. I think it's great how you transition the petal metaphpr to humans themselves. I like how you chatacterize the moon, and again the last two lines are pure brilliance

[patent yew]

This is amazing.... vivid imagery.... good symbolism.... I'd suggest changing the rhyme of the first stanza... the beautiful comparison with life, the symbolism of petals and thorns... the way you've portrayed life as so delicate and non-longlasting as a flower is simply amaing... keep it up ✨

[wispy talon]

thank you beloved champu

[patent yew]

Nuuuuuu not champuuuu.... Rather call me behena please 🥺

[wispy talon]

Champu behen ❤️ #1219751476323422218

[patent yew]

Lmao wha-

[wispy talon]

@nimble wraith

[muted crown]

Honestly love this poem. Rhymes are impeccable and the message is great! The ONLY thing I would suggest is changing the 'couldn't' in the 4th stanza to 'could not' only because I think it would fit better with the current 'rythm'
Absolutely love this poem though, great job!

[quaint temple]

oh my gosh this is incredible, your articulation and language is outstanding and creates such a powerful poem, these descriptions are amazing love it!!

[wispy talon]

flowers amirite

[quaint temple]

haha yes it seems we both enjoy using them as extended metaphors

[muted crown]

It's a beautiful poem the rhymic and everything it's beautiful

[wispy talon]

@velvet zealot