silent harness
Pale as a white jade
I wander around the nave
pondering whether
your sacred feather
is a threat to my shelter.
Thus far, since the rain
came to converse,
there has been no presence,
witnessed by my eyes,
of a sacramental wine.
But rather the stain
of the Holy bread's decay
on my yearned benevolence.
Creating great torment
on my welfare.
Since my weary eyes,
at present time,
can't discern,
please confess:
are you a gargoyle
or a grotesque?
runic veldt
this is amazing, its just the rhythm could use more work unless you're aiming for a free verse. other than that, i loved it.
silent harness
this is amazing, its just the rhythm could use more work unless you're aiming fo...
Thank you!! 💗 Yea haha I've been struggling with it 😭 if you got any suggestions on how to improve the rhythm I'd highly appreciate ittt
runic veldt
waitt!!
Thus far, since the rain
came to converse,
there has been no glimpse,
not one that my eyes had observed
of a sacramental wine.
observed kind of rhymes with converse but idk..
silent harness
Thank you so much @runic veldt !! Your suggestion sounds rlly nice but would change the meaning of my poem hasha but thanks!! :)))
clear chasm
this is super abstract, i suck at those but really admire those who can pull it off, your rhymes seem really nice but the space between each line is hurting my last two braincells
silent harness
this is super abstract, i suck at those but really admire those who can pull it ...
Thank you!!! Hahs do you got any suggestions regarding the space between each line? 😂😂
clear chasm
use backspace
silent harness
Ooooooo hahah okay will do 😭
light fog
I'm jealous
silent harness
And a consistent rhyme scheme or almost consistent
silent harness
I'm jealous
Hahaha don't 😭😭 it's not even perfect
light fog
Yeah that must be harddd
light fog
Hahaha don't 😭😭 it's not even perfect
Says the perfect few
silent harness
And a consistent rhyme scheme or almost consistent
Also by having a similar amount of syllables in every verse or so
light fog
Also by having a similar amount of syllables in every verse or so
I get that
light fog
Your poems are better what you yapping abt
Hey don't you sneaks compliments in you know they are avg at best
Yours are like the flower you smell in the park which reminds you of childhood
silent harness
Aww haha thats a very nice compliment 😭 💗
light fog
I meant to say "the bird (mourning dove) which makes you remember your childhood"
But i forgot the name of the bird so i wrote the second best
silent harness
I think your version is even better hashash
light fog
Btw i just saw a poem "lizard" I don't think i trust myself to eat a bread now
silent harness
How so hashahs
silent harness
Btw if anyone struggling to understand the poem maybe this helps 😭
silent harness
Read the poem it's just posted a few mins ago
Okk will doo
light fog
Btw if anyone struggling to understand the poem maybe this helps 😭
This help me understand a lottt better
Also now i can imagine the cathedral 🤣
silent harness
Cathedral* HAHSHAHSA
light fog
👀 you saw nothing
silent harness
HAHHASHSHASHSA
If youre catholic dont take the poem personally pls hash
Im very light catholic so yea, i didnt put that symbolism with a bad intention 😭
light fog
Bro I'm from asia Christian are rare here
light fog
I'm an atheist btw
silent harness
Oooo almost almost
silent harness
This poem gonna get 50+ comments 💀
light fog
Yeah me and you talking
clear chasm
you guys transferred your convo
silent harness
Ig if we wanna talk more we should go to dm 😭
clear chasm
add meeee
clear chasm
nah its alright, dms are made for this
light fog
Ok🫡(65 comments)
weary glade
Absolutely beautiful omg