#Treacherous Voyage: The Sandy Shore (2/2) -Rider

75 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

tardy barnBOT
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Wonderful! @nova mural has just pregressed to level 4!

nova mural
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<@&1145760802666717234>

tame briar
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This is really good

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I loved the first one and I love this one, the only feedback I can give iscontinue this way

proven epoch
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you write profoundly congratulations, they are great figurative texts well done

nova mural
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i still feel like an idiot lmao 😢 gonna have to wait for it to pass

proven epoch
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You are incridble poet

nova mural
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flattery maximised, see you bro

earnest edge
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wow

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the rhyme schemes are like perfect

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and very consistent

nova mural
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yep, always want consistency

zenith lintel
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both of them are amazing

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great job!

severe cedar
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This is really amazing once again but I think the 3rd stanza was my favorite because the wording and how it was used was really original. You did amazing

reef girder
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This is a really good way to describe the aftertaste of the pure depression from the previous entry

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Oh yeah also "shattered remnants" is perfection

nova mural
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yesyes

reef girder
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These two poems really remind me of the 2nd poem i linked, sunset blue

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I really like the commitment of the imagery to the specific maritime aesthetic

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Great way to end things

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I feel like I oftentimes use a similar road in character development

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"The only way to go is through"

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That kind of thing

nova mural
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looking back, you can sometimes feel like your struggle was unnecessarily difficult at the time to escape and you realise that "there really was only one direction to go" 🆙

reef girder
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Yup.

arctic estuary
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Really talented love how consistent the rhymes are in this one it flows so well.

ebon python
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same comments as the first part of this poem - especially like the 6 paragraph and everything after that, nother job well done

nova mural
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The Sandy Shore (2/2) -Rider

inland flax
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amazing...

brave osprey
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From these two poems, i feel like your definetely very talented at crafting little stories like this and expressing yourself through it. Both of these poem just show your good skill at writing. Would love to read more of your stuff man

nova mural
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#1217458955291463690

nova mural
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wrong channel homie

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it was a nice read tho

frail pelican
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Love how you can write such long poems and the texts and descriptions are on point

dim belfry
nova mural
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lazy feedback

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but thanks for reading

dreamy dome
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Great poem, I really have no criticism, I think I liked the third stanza the best with the radio imagery.

nova mural
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yea i really liked that one too

left bone
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so descriptive and creative?? teach me your ways

nova mural
snow forum
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Love it

snow forum
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“Once a confident ship, Now only floating debris” - I think this is meant to represent your confidence to be honest. Collapsing after whatever happened in “the storm”.

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“I hold on for not so dear life”… altering an old saying, tailoring it for your own situation… great.

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Amazing simile and rhyme, and the structure evokes hope and emphasises despair.

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tardy barnBOT
snow forum
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Though I don’t understand the last line

nova mural
snow forum
brisk drift
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I love this one even more. The way you continue here is perfect. The theme of the first poem runs through it too, but then it has its own aesthetic too. The way you paint this grand painting which on the surface is just a depressed person at last finding solace... but when you really look at it is very profound in meaning and goes more deeper. GREAT WORK

royal mason
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this deserves a star

meager glen
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Wonderful

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I love this one
This is my favorite

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It's perfect

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No faults at all

nova mural
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@quartz prairie

nova mural
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Treacherous Voyage: The Sandy Shore (2/2) -Rider

crude palm
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Do you mind if we go two for two?

nova mural
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😂 sure bro, im in the middle of editing another poem but send it here if you like

crude palm
nova mural
crude palm
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Here you go, I’ll also do this one too

nova mural
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thanks homie

crude palm
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np 👍

crude palm
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I love the extended metaphor of the ship representing mental health. It allows us to view a vulnerable situation in such vivid detail, and using illustrious imagery of the ship to break it down is just…tragic.

It sets up perfectly into the desperation of the speaker in the final few stanzas in his desperate attempt to break out of the abyss he’s bound in. I love the ending reference to the classic “rock bottom” trope, where you reflect that you’ve been stuck at the abyss for so long that any step forward feels like the only path paved to you at this point.

nova mural
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but it ends on a good note yknow

crude palm
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However, it’s a Pyrrhic victory. He has been through so much just to get to that point of recovery, and one also wonders if it was worthy of getting his ship destroyed to begin with, a metaphor for his mental state having deteriorated on life’s journey.

nova mural
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yep

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necessary journey

crude palm
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The victory itself is bittersweet. He has successfully clawed his way out of the “abyss”, a metaphor for depressive thoughts that wreak havoc on his mental state. However, the “ship” representing his psyche has been wrecked in the process, so the road to recovery will be an arduous journey for him.

inland flax
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Just re read this and the first part and i have fallen in love with this poem all over again!! Great job, princess. I rlly like the last 2 lines. and the 6th stanza is sooo nice. Especially the lines "reality is tearing apart, my stars begin to dance"