#Treacherous Voyage: A Sunken Ship (1/2) -Rider

106 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

tawdry storm
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Just when I think it can't get any better... it catches me by surprise! Good work.

solid ferry
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<@&1145760802666717234>

narrow stone
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this poem is actually really attractive, super impressive how you can make a poem like that! wanna be poem buddies:D

solid ferry
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What do poem buddies do?

narrow stone
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make poems

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hang out

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talk:D

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make collabs

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do challenges :D

solid ferry
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Did you just make this up

narrow stone
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yes

solid ferry
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Alright then, poem buddy

narrow stone
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BUT I WANT A BUDDY

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POEM

narrow stone
solid ferry
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DM me, I gotta go but I'll be back. Until then I really hope others will comment on this

narrow stone
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mhm!

swift crow
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Well written! You have really strong opening lines, I really enjoyed reading this 🌙🥀

solid ferry
narrow stone
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Woahhh this is really well done, I love the imagery around it and the rhyming, I wouldn't change anything about it

solid ferry
narrow stone
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Idk just that they are looking for someone to be their rock, their person but the second they think they have them, they get snatched away again

solid ferry
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this stanza in my eyes couldve gone two ways in interpretation, the reason i put the 4th line in quoations is because trust issues, when someone finally comes along, you mistake their sincerity for manipulation and you convince yourself its another mirage

narrow stone
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Yeah

solid ferry
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yeah

narrow stone
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Well done.

soft burrow
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i absolutely adore this, albeit not seeing any other of your works if you had told be this was one of your best i would have believed it whole heartedly. the rhyme and the imagery really gets me dude

solid ferry
soft burrow
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oolala cant wait to read it

solid ferry
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Sunken Ship (1/2)

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@soft burrow #1216800329077882880

quasi garden
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Its good man

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the feeling of feeling lost, i love these poems

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and so deep

indigo abyss
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wow that was amazing

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like this poem

mellow knoll
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This is amazing. I think one of my favorite things you did was instead of "do or die" it was "do or drown"

pale dew
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Amazing metaphor and amazing consistency in rhyme scheme

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You really commit to the sinking ship metaphor, and convey that feeling of defeat perfectly

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Oh yeah also really neat vocabulary

solid ferry
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Thanks boss

pale dew
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I reallu like how it circles back in the end

solid ferry
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also read part 2 #1216800329077882880

subtle patio
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really good poem i love the imagery and theme use and how you were able to stick to it keep at it this was amazing.

trail solstice
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Hm... I don't know. It feels though I am reading a saturated version of The Inchcape Rock, and yet it is quiet different.

To point the obvious, it is a good poem. No doubt. Second I like how the "treasure leds to demise" message. It sorta reminds me of POTC. And I like to think that in the second para, you meant as though the sea that ship sunken in is the rain, if it is not, no worries.

However, I can't really unsure the resemblance of the Inchcape Rock here. But that is up for debate.

I like the imagery and the descriptions.

I give it a nice and round 6.5/10.

solid ferry
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And also, what's potc?

trail solstice
trail solstice
solid ferry
solid ferry
trail solstice
solid ferry
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Thanks for putting in the time to give me well thought out feedback, really appreciate it bro

trail solstice
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Joking

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No one knows who wrote the Inchcape Rock if my memory stands right.

solid ferry
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A Sunken Ship (1/2)

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A Sunken Ship (1/2) -Rider

brittle marsh
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loved it. i specifically love the line,
A once raging ocean
Has become a dark abyss

solid ferry
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#1216800329077882880 heres part 2

teal lynx
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Rider this poem is actually great to read, even though its long. Direct and to the point with the metaphor being one that lasts. Nice bro 👍

solid ferry
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Thanks homie

somber spindle
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It beautifully captures the essence of despair and isolation, likening the poet's heart and mind to a sinking ship caught in an emotional storm. The standout line, "Dragging others down for a sense of validation," reflects the deep introspection about how one's internal turmoil can impact others. It’s a raw, vivid depiction of struggling with one's inner demons, feeling submerged by life's challenges, and the complex journey towards finding peace in solitude. Through the metaphor of the ship, the poem explores themes of vulnerability, loss, and the quest for self-acceptance.

Good work right here!

solid ferry
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nice read, thanks for feedback

fluid cape
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Really love how you put the imagery my fav part is "my mind is a sunken ship"

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Idk but i like sad poems

solid ferry
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sad poems because sad life

fluid cape
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College 😮‍💨

jaunty current
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I live the last stanza

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It’s just

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Idk

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Great

solid ferry
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yea i get you

solid ferry
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part 2

round smelt
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Loved it, very relatable to me and very strong imagery.

blazing glade
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<3

solid ferry
blazing glade
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I will save this dw

solid ferry
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😥

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ok

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go sleep

steel spindle
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AMAZING I LOVE THE LANGUAGE 🫶🫶💗💗💗💗

solid ferry
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Go part 2 #1216800329077882880

south saffron
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Love the comparison between the mind and a turbulent ocean

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When the raging ocean turns into a dark abyss… I assume you mean that the character gave up trying.

solid ferry
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Yep

solid ferry
south saffron
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“My mindset is the tide”, “Clarity comes in waves”. Amazing metaphors.

solid ferry
delicate brook
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This is a great poem I love how you use the word mirage here... usually used to describe the illusion of water in a desert... you use it to describe the illusion of a piece of land in the great big and raging seas .. it's very refreshing. All the metaphors are great go with the the theme of the poem. The rhythm and pacing is also great.

cunning night
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super cool! but u used abyss twice..apart fromt hat i found every aspect to be just perfecy

solid ferry
round cape
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Amazing

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I like the short sentences
Very quick delivery

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Rhyme scheme is perfect

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Only one small i'll suggest
Instead of it's now do or drown, you can say
Either do now or drown

solid ferry
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?

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doesnt make sense

solid ferry
round cape
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Ohh

solid ferry
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@regal heath

solid ferry
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Treacherous Voyage: A Sunken Ship (1/2) -Rider

sonic forge
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I love the naval themes that permeate the poem. They allow the reader to visualise the tragic condition of their mind through making parallels to a pirate’s ocean expedition, which also upholds the freedom of these situations at the expense of other people. In this case, the poet tries to claw his way out of the void, but falls short and attempts to metaphorically “drag others down” in order to bring the poet’s self worth up. The metaphor itself can be an additional reference to lovecraftian entities such as Cthulhu dragging the ship down with its tentacles.

Self-worth, depression, and hopelessness are themes that permeate the poem. The poet’s choice of using an ABAB rhyme scheme is at first hopeful and desperate for survival, but eventually becomes a solemn acceptance of their situation when they succumb to their fears. Since an ABAB rhyme scheme usually is utilised to convey optimism or happiness, the ironic twist is wildly haunting. The poet has accepted their fate, and yet, they keep up their speaking mannerisms. They refuse to lose the rhymes, despite losing everything else. It could represent a desperate attempt to control the one aspect the poet hasn’t lost yet by the end of the poem.

solid ferry