#Defense Package

21 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

hoary marsh
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Does tragedy makes good poets?
Or gone poets make gone tragics?
Perhaps none muses truly
Everyone has defense package

Sharpen-spear, Bat'leth Qapla'
Why does words cut sharp?
It's not useful to heal woe?
Words with hatred for who?

Self-esteem auto-protect'd
Too many guilts too many trips
The Night Fox poet forfeits
Laser field but field'd too few

Sharpen mind, envinya Quenya
Power to heal where art be?
Perhaps none muses true'ya!
Everyone needs self-construct kit

When esteem'd outside beyond control
Innate production moved to mehercle
Our Good-Day-Please sed uncertainty
Self-worth withered out, not healthy

Start back your factories!
Rebuild your logics think faculty
Emphasize on the work of self
Does Picasso worried he can't sell?

Life well-traveled when we just-treat'd
Everyone we meet with principles intact
What materials we bring to the Gate?
God says "You didn't build that"

fringe shuttle
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Nice poem ❤️

hoary marsh
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Recitation Notes:
i. This is just a guide. Different people, different techniques.
ii. Poems are to be rendered 3 times, first in mind, then in words, then live on stage for fixing or laudate!

"Bat'leth Qapla'" ← harsh Kligon impersonation
"Laser field but field'd too few" ← Aux-Line-Throw: "Nothing to steal"
"envinya Quenya" ← gentle Elvish impersonation
"withered out" ← meant to sound like "without"
"Does Picasso worried he can't sell?" ← It's in present tense because I read an article about Picasso grand daughter selling his painting recently. Changing it to "Did..." should technically be incorrect because he would have worried at least once. Still, if it rolls off the tongue better, why not?
"we just-treat'd" ← "just-thread", other variations works fine
"You didn't build that" ← Optional-Line-Throw: "I did", "We did" depending on target audience

lunar ice
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The vagueness of the poem makes it a little hard to understand. + Some Terms I never ever heard before. If the guide was not given, I would have said like 5/10. But now that I read it again, it is a flexible 6.7/10.

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In my scale, that is above avarage.

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Just to be clear, it is not a bad score. Dover Beach by Matthew Arnold shares the same score for me.

fringe shuttle
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Score? Based on what if I may ask @lunar ice

lunar ice
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Feel.

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But worry not, I am sure it is good.

hoary marsh
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It's his personal scoring system. Still, Dover Beach! Well, as my pal Avis likes to say, we'll try harder.

hoary marsh
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I think I missed getting a haiku with that previous line. I really do try harder:

Still, Dover Beach! Well~
My pal Avis likes to say
"We will try harder"

warm ospreyBOT
lunar ice
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Btw, @fringe shuttle I reread it a few times to understand it better. I think I get it better now, I will change my score to a 7.6/10.

fringe shuttle
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Isn't a score on poetry subjective?

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Chill 💀

lunar ice
old mortar
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really like the vagueness here, unlike how it lacks a bit of clarity, i perceive it as something we need tpo try harder to derive the meaning of and hence makes the piece more fun to read, as your trying to unlock each and every sentence.

old mortar
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YEAH!

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LETS GO