Dust -- by \\/.erse

[young moon]

Wonderful poem.

[quartz pasture]

thanks

[quartz pasture]

I don't speak arabic

[fleet comet]

@fleet comet

[quartz pasture]

wlcm

@thin barn sorry for disturbing can u give feedback?

@thin barn sorry for disturbing can u give feedback?

[fleet comet]

Val also narrates really well

[quartz pasture]

hmm

@light bramble sorry to distrub, would u like to give feedback?

[quartz pasture]

so any comments?

[fleet comet]

Still reading, my vocab is not so vast so I have to dig deep for a meaningful review, it'll take time if you don't mind

[light bramble]

Where’s the poem

Oh I’m already here I’m trippin

[quartz pasture]

I see dw I also am kinda mid in it... I had to search a lot and refer a lot to know if I was using the correct word or I was wrong... I try to mostly use what I have learned but sometimes a little peek doesn't hurt

[quartz pasture]

lol

[quartz pasture]

if u want I can provide some insight into why I used certain contexts... u can critic that too

sorry if I am asking for toooo much

😅

[light bramble]

Definitely felt like I was paused in time while reading it

It’s a good poem

9/10

[quartz pasture]

I see

pretty good

[light bramble]

Wanna read one of mine?

[quartz pasture]

it is the 2nd poem I actually tried to write lol

[quartz pasture]

yes

[slow nest]

*it is the 2nd

poem I actually tried

to write lol*

- 8o0o0o8

[light bramble]

https://discord.com/channels/944439929734312006/1207850851784462356

It’s acrostic if you enjoy those

[quartz pasture]

hmm I see, (I have no idea what that means)

[fleet comet]

Nah nah, it's good, I'll do the rest

[quartz pasture]

I see

[quartz pasture]

@cerulean timber

[tepid torrent]

A very good poem. Each word made my brain visualise something rampant and wailing. Wildly different. Great narrative.

[quartz pasture]

hmm

I see

[tepid torrent]

In love of course

[quartz pasture]

it is not only love but the fear and sense of aloof from the "you"

[slow nest]

*it is not only

love but the fear and sense of

aloof from the "you"*

- 8o0o0o8

[quartz pasture]

desperation

[tepid torrent]

Capitalising on a self interpretation hawl.

[quartz pasture]

🗿

[quartz pasture]

@lean linden yo incase u forgor this poem.. (I changed name and pfp)

@uncut plinth wait r u spoop from where I think u r?

nvm

[quartz pasture]

@upper nexus thanks for heart

[upper nexus]

aww that's soo sweet

[quartz pasture]

it is the most basic thing bro

lol

why are yall so sweet 💟

[upper nexus]

mostly ppl are not kind so whenever I find someone who's kind I never forget to thanks them.... That's all

[quartz pasture]

kind is a big word man

I am just repaying ur gratitude

[upper nexus]

lol it's not nd u dont need too ✨🌙

[quartz pasture]

naruhodo

(cringe af)

💀

[quartz pasture]

any feedback on the poem

[upper nexus]

I didn't get what u mean

[upper nexus]

it's an amazing poem...!!

[quartz pasture]

is't naruhodo a japanese word ?

(anime??)

nah forget it now I am embarassing myself

[quartz pasture]

I see

any critic?

[upper nexus]

なるほど u mean this

[quartz pasture]

yes

it means I see

[upper nexus]

oh okies

[upper nexus]

I mean how can I judge ur poem im not that professional

[quartz pasture]

u can suggest somethings

or tell me ur pov

if u want

[upper nexus]

okies I'm little busy rn so is it okay if I'll provide u feedback later ??

[lapis pecan]

Wonderful! @upper nexus has just pregressed to level 13!

[quartz pasture]

wat ever you want

[cerulean timber]

The poem is really good

[quartz pasture]

thanks for the heart

[quartz pasture]

@forest fossil thanks for the star!! u didn't show me ur poem

[forest fossil]

gimme a while, I'll read it again and offer feedback, as of rn, I have maths to do lol

[quartz pasture]

u don't need to provide feedback lol it isn't obligatory if u don't want to don't !!

I only wanted to see ur work

[lapis pecan]

Wonderful! @quartz pasture has just pregressed to level 10!

[quartz pasture]

@calm arch

[calm arch]

hey!

great poem

i think despite the covert outlay being this sorta journey of dust, it hides this conceit of the ephemeral nature of human connection.

maybe even highlighting the nature of the passage of time.

again it could be interpreted as being very metaphorical for the fleeting and transient nature of relationships and the inevitability of change

a lot of the vocabulary used here i had to search up, me not being familiar with european tradition, culture, and mythology

[quartz pasture]

sorry abt that lol

it was purely for the sake of lore (on the zpehyr and borean part) and rhymes with correct meaning

[calm arch]

all the metaphor, personification (zephyr's quail), and alliteration ("dust nestled the depths") etc to enhance the sensory experience of the reader.

The stresses are also regular, contributing to a gentle and flowing cadence. I believe the beats per minute her is irregular, maybe u could refine it to make it fit more into the narrative

[quartz pasture]

the concept here is scattering of light and the brief moment of time where nature causes the poet to be lost in thought,

another use of dust is to act as the fear and lack confidence of the poet to reach to the "you"

it is very abstract

as I intended it to be

u can use any form of context here

[calm arch]

i especially loved that from the poem

i adds a sort of whitmanian opennes to it

[quartz pasture]

although some are fixed like

zephyr and boreal

zephyr is the west wind god in greek myth, he is frndly, boreus is not he is associated with cold or stormy winds.

the "Walis" are his winds. a shriek refers to a small wind that came towards the two individuals in the poem. it "conceived" (gave birth) to the dust cloud which was a product of the dust and the wind.

also the "tyndall tides"

it refers to tyndall effect

scattering of light leading to revealin it's path

it gives the "power of nature" aspect

which I wanted it to have

[calm arch]

yes i searched those 2 up!

[quartz pasture]

I wanted to "you" to be ver musterious, with a veil (real or metaphor for hidden) and has a braided tail of hair (tesses' tail)

[calm arch]

oh shoot i knew what the tyndall effect is but thought it was something way more superior than that ahahaha

[calm arch]

hm makes sense

[quartz pasture]

apart form these fixed ones other concepts r abstract

u can use anything that suits u

[calm arch]

its really well thought!

good job

[quartz pasture]

I usually try to give thought to every word

(I have only ever written 2 poems seriously)

[quartz pasture]

hmm beats per minute?

[calm arch]

uhh

damn thats a difficult concept

its like

stresses

favourite has a DA-dum stress i.e. FAV-ourite

where the stress is on the first syllable

anyway its a hell of a lot to understand beats and stresses perhaps you could search it op online

[quartz pasture]

I see

[quartz pasture]

can u give an example from this poem

[calm arch]

A two-syllable foot with the first syllable unstressed and the second stressed (da DUM) is present. Here, "As the" and "tled the" are iambs.

[quartz pasture]

huh

[calm arch]

"your veil" is another iamb. your is an unstressed syllably and veil is the stressed syllable that is an iamb

[calm arch]

um iambs are a pattern of da-DUM where da is unstressed and DUM is stressed

[quartz pasture]

ngl I am so not well versed into poetry

[calm arch]

i really believe u should read this from more trusted and factual sources. this concept is of metrical feet and prosody

[quartz pasture]

I legit thought u made a typo

[calm arch]

im not well at explaining

[quartz pasture]

😭

I feel so dumb

it is like real life

so sad

[calm arch]

well poetry is ever expanding

and vast

ive taken

three or four courses on poetry

[quartz pasture]

wow

[calm arch]

partcularly modern american poetry

so thats where i get my stuff from

[quartz pasture]

r u from america?

[calm arch]

yet i find new stuff everdya ahaha istg

[calm arch]

nahh im from india but ive spent most of my life very invested in american pop culture and general sensibilities

[quartz pasture]

I see

amriki dalal moment

[calm arch]

yeah its actually horrifying at times to realise i dont have any indian characteristic-

[calm arch]

damn idk who that is

[quartz pasture]

damn hindi poems r good too lol

u can try them

[quartz pasture]

it is an indian thing

amrika ka dalal?

(I assumed u r from the north?)

[calm arch]

yes i am

also im sure ur from india too

[quartz pasture]

yes

[calm arch]

cuz the north/south thing is so evident but only among indians 💀

[quartz pasture]

indian moment

[calm arch]

well ive nevr listened to a single hindi song to put it into perspective

[quartz pasture]

they r good ngl

lol

hindi poetry is so good too

[calm arch]

yeah most of india's creative arts stuff is revolutionary

[quartz pasture]

*original

it is so preserved it is prolly limited to us

lol

@calm arch u ever took hindi as a subject?

(prolly yes)

[calm arch]

yes of course

why wud i not-

[quartz pasture]

standard?

[calm arch]

its not legally possible

to not do hindi

i suppose

[quartz pasture]

only in north

[calm arch]

10th tak

[quartz pasture]

and certain states

[calm arch]

hn ofc

[calm arch]

eh

[quartz pasture]

I think u can leave hindi.. who knows

but outside of north india

hindi is often hated by others

especially south

[quartz pasture]

what didu think abt hindi poems?

[calm arch]

haan aaj kal theres this outburst of regional protests

[quartz pasture]

they were there since the beginning of the 20th centuary and tbf it is a fair protest

[calm arch]

ive always had immense respect for hindi authors as well as poets

[calm arch]

hm

[quartz pasture]

so many languages in india, we must preserve them

[calm arch]

never went into depth into any of them unfortuanyl

[calm arch]

hn everyone knows english/hindi are crazyyy adopted

as a national lingo

and if yk anyything of semantics and linguistics in language, imposing a languange into a people who are not natives to that language is basically subjugation

[quartz pasture]

well for some context southern bhramins before used to know hindi and english, since they were the only educated ones the british appointed them in south. the natives (vast majority) were oppressed by them.

after independance the government tried to impose hindi which again only the bhramins knew in south, so they revolted to not be mistreated again

[calm arch]

because imposing lang simultaneousl imposes culture thought opinion and tradition

[quartz pasture]

50 % of the country is not native hindi

[calm arch]

ohh

[calm arch]

hmm yeah

[quartz pasture]

anyway Imma look into the beats

and see what they mean

[calm arch]

yeah sure!

[quartz pasture]

nic to meet u

lemme heart ur poem

[uncut plinth]

I am the only spoopy

[limber gyro]

WOW

word choice is 🔥

[topaz forge]

the poem is great

[quartz pasture]

thanks

[topaz forge]

but my dumbass doesnt know half the words lol

[quartz pasture]

💀

no u r not dumb

the words r weird

[topaz forge]

but hey new things to learn?

[topaz forge]

no, its the type of english i wanna learn but i am lazy : )

[quartz pasture]

but they r for the sake of ryhme and to convey feelings with correct meaning

[topaz forge]

yeah you are right, the main reason is rhyme and conveying

[limber gyro]

some words i dont know either

[topaz forge]

If i cant find words, I just say "there are many poems that don"t rhyme, this one is that"

[limber gyro]

or i havent even used them before

[quartz pasture]

if u want u can ask me me the context

[topaz forge]

then could you?

[quartz pasture]

A lot of them I know from school

[quartz pasture]

ogie

[topaz forge]

ikr

[quartz pasture]

Immma make a general so evercan understand

[limber gyro]

Oh nice from those spelling list or ?

[topaz forge]

yes pls

[quartz pasture]

no the books

[topaz forge]

what are those books god?

[limber gyro]

OH yeah

[quartz pasture]

like "besieged, tyndall, tends, lustrus, shriek, nestled"

[topaz forge]

oh okayy

[quartz pasture]

others I knew

but I had to search the meaning of tesses ngl

I was confused abt it

[limber gyro]

i know what shriek is i heard tends before and nestled

before too

im not sure if i heard it in that context tho

[quartz pasture]

dam

[misty drift]

Love it — I really do

The vocabulary is powerful — it feels ethereal and almost as if reading something mythical if not through rose-tinted glasses, slowly taken off

[quartz pasture]

😭 why r u becoming more and more likable

stop

[quartz pasture]

thanks... although the vocab is a result of my quench to have rhymes ad correct meaning

I had to spend 3 hours to get this correct

[misty drift]

I get the feeling T_T

[quartz pasture]

fr

[limber gyro]

thats a wonderful way to describe it yes

[quartz pasture]

it is more of kinda on the tyndall effect (during science paper so...)

lol

😅

I was inspired by robert frost's way of telling the changing powerof nature

and wanted to capture this moment

[fleet comet]

Concept overall is really good I'd give you that off start, then comes the imageries, they are awesome, no improvement needed, metaphors are near to perfection, rhyme and rhythm seemed a bit off, maybe work on that, plus I think you need to go a bit deeper to enhance the poem, like you can dig deeper in the topic of tyndall tides, like what they are and more metaphorical approach, overall this poem is a top tier quality, lots of potential can be seen on your side, I would give it a 9/10

Btw thanks for being patient

[quartz pasture]

oh no worries man it was worth it

I was looking for some critic

THHANKS!!!

[thin barn]

First of all, woah

The vocab in this is amazing, its like so advanced I could never

[limber gyro]

IKR

[thin barn]

Keshav pretty much said it all]

The imagery and metaphors are on point

[fleet comet]

Dude 💀

[thin barn]

Also congrats you are now on the starboard

[thin barn]

What?

[fleet comet]

Don't mind me, just say what you wanted to, ignore my critiques yaar, I have been writing for just 3 months

[quartz pasture]

as for the Tyndall tides I agree ngl... Tyndall effect is what enables us to see the lights path I should have explained that but I couldn't I was struck I am guilty of sloth 😭 (confessed!!)

as for the rhyming it was hard finding words of exact rhyme man... which had the meaning I was searching I would love to be able to knows words of the perfect rhymes and meaning (as I want)

although I did use google speech to pronounce them after this was done and believe me I did not expect the rhymes to be this off (to me the pronunciation was not this off) but I expected it since I am not very well versed in the art of pronouncing...

after I completed it I was also kinda meh on the rhymes... but I was glad it was not all in shambles

[thin barn]

stilll your critiques are amazing

[fleet comet]

Well you don't have to apply them right away, you can just remember these points so you don't mess up the same thing again

[quartz pasture]

yea

[fleet comet]

Never better than val tho

[quartz pasture]

well this is my second poem

[thin barn]

val is also amazing yes

what

how

how are you so talented

my first like 100 poems are rubbish lol

[quartz pasture]

I saw one of theirs it was so detailed

I would love to get one from them

[quartz pasture]

I have some between this and my first #1129119906370175006 but they r just experiments of writing on the whim.. I did not use any feelings

just ramble

lol

[fleet comet]

He always drops dope stuff

[thin barn]

thats most of mine lol

[quartz pasture]

hmm

[fleet comet]

Dayum, my poems started taking off after 3rd one

[thin barn]

It's just my opinion on them

[quartz pasture]

well a poem should be yours, not the world's

you open yourself the perfect eyes will reach you

[thin barn]

some people like my poems i just dont

[quartz pasture]

that do be the case

sometimes

[thin barn]

and tbf in my book I said some of my poems are kind of more like diary entries which I like about them]

So you can read them either as poems or diary entries

[quartz pasture]

interesting

writing a poem as a diary entry

That seems like a good excercise

but I am sure I WOULD BE STUCK TILL 3 AM

[thin barn]

like thats the vibe they give off, they didnt start off that way

[quartz pasture]

😭

[thin barn]

But thats the vibe they give off

[quartz pasture]

hmm

[thin barn]

I can show you some in dms if you like

[quartz pasture]

do u like the vibe?

[quartz pasture]

sure

[thin barn]

Kinda yeah ig

[quartz pasture]

then they r good

:)

@fleet comet thanks for the star means a lot !!!! :)

can I also see some of ur stuff pls??

[fleet comet]

Sure, depends on how long do you want to read?

[quartz pasture]

uh something u find to be ur best

[fleet comet]

My best?

[quartz pasture]

time doesn't matter

[quartz pasture]

or ur favourite

[fleet comet]

That's a tough one

[quartz pasture]

like whatever U like despite it being the best in sense of poetry

[fleet comet]

Maybe https://discord.com/channels/944439929734312006/1190017806406779021 would do the trick

[quartz pasture]

@thin barn thoughts on reciting this??

[thin barn]

Sure!

[quartz pasture]

yoo thanks

[thin barn]

Yup

Ill narrate it when I get home just remind me if i forget

I had to rush out didny see what time it was

[quartz pasture]

oh no worries

[quartz pasture]

reach safely

[thin barn]

Thanks!

[quartz pasture]

@misty drift thanks for the nerd emoji 😆

w

[serene blaze]

Do you mind if I critique?

[slate mist]

Can someone explain to me how this post has over 300 comments?

[quartz pasture]

no

[quartz pasture]

idk as well

[slate mist]

It's insane.

[quartz pasture]

yes

[slate mist]

I guess it's because you've read the thesaurus 10 times.

[serene blaze]

Coming in peace and critiquing the poem, the vocabulary used comes off very complex I reckon? The poem, scene is brilliant loved it. not that it matters much, what I believe is just using the simple vocabulary adds emotions, human touch to it. Yes u definitely can use the words you've learnt, here and there is fine. Bombardment of lot of complex vocab is overwhelming and takes the interest out of the reader. it shouldn't look like synonym replacements i believe.

Rhyming is good, but you've lost it at few places and it's fine. Hey, always can improve every day. Keep writing.

[quartz pasture]

pls refer my keyboard is broken

[quartz pasture]

pls read

[quartz pasture]

?

[serene blaze]

I get you, it's tough when we can't express how we exactly feel. Syllables are tough to find haha. It's okayy. Try maybe 2 3 syllables or set it up better to rhyme it?

[quartz pasture]

i will try next time, although i prefer meaning of words ngl

[slow nest]

*i will try next time,

although i prefer meaning

of words ngl*

- 8o0o0o8

[quartz pasture]

thanks for the feedback <3

[serene blaze]

it's upto you haha, we all improve everyday. 😊 more you write more you discover.

try breaking your feelings into scenes, then start writing it in bits. that's what works for me.

[quartz pasture]

keyboard broken so i am using on screen one so slow typing sorry

[quartz pasture]

thanks

[thin barn]

You're welcome I hope it was good enough!!

[quartz pasture]

keyboard broken or i would thank properly

[quartz pasture]

dw :)

[quartz pasture]

what is thesaurus

book?

[thin barn]

Thesaurus is similar to a dictionnary

[quartz pasture]

hmm

[thin barn]

it gives lots of synonyms

[quartz pasture]

ngl rct with nerd emoji

[wicked quartz]

@wicked quartz

[thin barn]

Let me type

damn this is really good, I am speechless. I don't think I am able to give feedback to this piece. I am definitly gonna inspire and learn from it. So nice language you got there.

[quartz pasture]

Thanks!!! but I wanted some improvements to be suggested... people mentioned rhyme being off and beats being off... do you know someone this well versed in poetry??

[thin barn]

Ill take a look into it. But as for meter, I am currectly learning that, so I don't think it will help, but Ill try with rhymes

[quartz pasture]

Idk anything abt poetry tbh so any opportunity to learn is bliss for me, thanks !!!

[gleaming kettle]

This poem weaves a vivid tapestry of nature and emotion, turning the simple act of dust settling into a profound experience. The line, "Lustred by the Tyndall tides, ignited was the dust," stands out, turning ordinary dust into a spectacle of light and beauty. It's a journey from the physical to the ethereal, ending in a serene realization as the speaker arrives at their quiet destination. Short yet deep, it's about finding beauty in the transient moments of life.

[quartz pasture]

and the person he loves fr

[quartz pasture]

heyy someone who gets "tyndall tides"'s meaning w

[quartz pasture]

thanks

[gleaming kettle]

It got me thinking of tyndall effect from learning to make landscape in blender

[quartz pasture]

it is the indented meaning

dat is why the light path is formed

[gleaming kettle]

It's very clever use of words!

[quartz pasture]

:)

[wicked quartz]

This is some ethereal vocabulary..... The imagery you've portrayed, the mystery you've caught, the way you've woven your words into this ambiguous tapestry... Simply marvellous.... A solid 9/10.. id like to hear its meaning tho (I ain't good with interpretation) ✨
All the lines are my favourite lmao

[quartz pasture]

if You want I can explain in vc

[wicked quartz]

Nah... Enough vc... Just text now

[thin barn]

are you fluent in english?

[quartz pasture]

I would say so

[turbid spoke]

great poem

[quartz pasture]

Thanks

[quartz pasture]

Dust -- \/.erse

Dust -- by \/.erse

[hearty laurel]

No post 😭

[quartz pasture]

sorry it is gone for submission, I can dm

[hearty laurel]

Sure

[quartz pasture]

it's back!!

[gentle briar]

i definitely agree

i couldnt bear to read past the first 3 lines, my brain will fry

[foggy widget]

Personification of dust.

I think you changed it since the last time I read it.

[quartz pasture]

😭

[quartz pasture]

no

it is the same

🗿

[foggy widget]

#1214333984159301683 message

[quartz pasture]

sorry!!!

[foggy widget]

Ok, maybe I am thinking of another poem of yours then.

[slow nest]

*Ok, maybe I

am thinking of another

poem of yours then.*

- Damian

[gentle briar]

its okay, your poem just isnt for me because im dumb you know

[quartz pasture]

oof... don't call yourself dmb

I can explain

[foggy widget]

*Lustred by the Tyndall tides, ignited was the dust *

This is where I started liking it.

[gentle briar]

casual self degradation is very acceptable, only i may speak about myself this way

[quartz pasture]

the writing is kinda how I write

[quartz pasture]

pessimistic grindset

[gentle briar]

yes https://discord.com/channels/944439929734312006/1216129984197034146

[foggy widget]

But to be honest, I feel the second para is a bit bland compared to th rest.

[quartz pasture]

this is like getting a 102030920/10 from shakespere

[quartz pasture]

why is that?

[foggy widget]

The words used are good, but the thing is it is not thought-provocative.

[slow nest]

*The words used are good,

but the thing is it is not

thought-provocative.*

- Damian

[quartz pasture]

I see

well I did use significant imagery there ngl... what lacked?

BRO I HATE HOW MANY COMMENTS THERE ARE

I CANNOT SCROLL SO MUCH

[foggy widget]

HaikuBot is high or what? Each line i said is haiku! What the!

[gentle briar]

maybe you are programmed to speak in 17 syllable sentences

[foggy widget]

Lustred by the Tyndall tides, ignited was the dust

#1214333984159301683 message

This should help. Pin it.

[foggy widget]

Maybe.

Dammit.

Maybe I was the Bot the whole time!

[quartz pasture]

!!!

[quartz pasture]

no perms

[foggy widget]

Kidding bro.

You are the op here, I think you can?

[quartz pasture]

It cannot!!!

[foggy widget]

Oh yeah, ask Jess or Solus to pin it.

[quartz pasture]

ogie

[foggy widget]

@distant forum !!!

[quartz pasture]

@foggy widget anyway the second para!!!

[distant forum]

Yes

[quartz pasture]

gib me the feedback

oh wise critique

[foggy widget]

Oh yeah!

[quartz pasture]

shower me!!

[foggy widget]

Pin this msg here plz

[quartz pasture]

pls pin what dami-chan is asking

[foggy widget]

Hey! I prefer Lhikis!

[distant forum]

What is it?

Why the pin?

[foggy widget]

Oh, the chat line is too long so...

[distant forum]

Woah seriously

This looks like off topics lol

[foggy widget]

The words you used there are expertly.

So you need to think more to imagine there.

[gentle briar]

turns the shower handle to freezing and full power

[quartz pasture]

hmmm

[foggy widget]

Also, I think the first para is good.

[quartz pasture]

I tried to add it as a compliment to the first and the third para

[foggy widget]

The Fourth para is by far the best.

[quartz pasture]

I do it a lot

to add depth

[foggy widget]

Yes.

I know.

[quartz pasture]

I use a complimentary para to highlight the others

[foggy widget]

But it is a bit too edens

dense

if you could space the same lines out, it could be better.

[quartz pasture]

hmm what to do to improve it? make it more complicated? like the others

[foggy widget]

conceived was a cloud of dust,
ethereal wisps blossomed,
their petals besieged us
It was but a whisper in time, indeed lustrous

[quartz pasture]

yes

I will improve the firstline

ngl

it is the only weak link I see it now

[foggy widget]

So apart that, It is solid enough.

[quartz pasture]

I see

[foggy widget]

However, I told you, I don't rate conventionally.

So the other factor is what I call "The Kaltspigel"

[quartz pasture]

"conceived a cloud, blessed by wind, Christened by the dust"

[quartz pasture]

what abt this

[foggy widget]

You asked the harsh critic here bro, so I am gonna add this factor.

[quartz pasture]

yh

I know

HIT ME

I NEED THIS

[quartz pasture]

FR

[foggy widget]

Ok.

Here it goes

Notice how the flow has made a sudden stop at the first line of each para.

(except the first.

Sorrry, I said the oppsite.

at the end.

It stops and continues again

It is like a stop sign to make the reader think.

It is a fool's game I believe.

I mean, it does work.

But like i said.....

[gentle briar]

bro is nitpicking

[foggy widget]

The Kaltspigal.

[quartz pasture]

what is kaltspigal?

[foggy widget]

He asked the harsh critic.

[quartz pasture]

@foggy widget btw I changed the 2nd para!!

[foggy widget]

The cold mirror in german.

By this I see the symmetry of a para or the poem.

[quartz pasture]

I see

[foggy widget]

the poem in whole passes the Kaltspigal test.

So it goes.

Now BEHOLD!

His tender flesh rewards this the poem a........

6.9/10!

Congarts.

[quartz pasture]

that sounds weird...

💀

[quartz pasture]

yyay!!!

(funny number)

😭

@foggy widget I SHALL GET A 9 FROM YOU ONE DAY OLD MAN

[foggy widget]

you wanna reduce it?

[foggy widget]

Don't ask the harsh critic then. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

[quartz pasture]

I wouldn't mind, I only care abt comments. not the rating. the poem is for me, I want to gaze inside the reader

[foggy widget]

I shall check the other one then now.

[foggy widget]

That is the spirit!

[quartz pasture]

how can I expect others to get the literature whose sentences are woven by my desire

[foggy widget]

Exactly.

[quartz pasture]

anyway thanks

also this post has like 500 comments

almost

[foggy widget]

Mostly chatter.

[quartz pasture]

it is mostly poetry ngl

[foggy widget]

Not even yours lmao

[quartz pasture]

wa?

[foggy widget]

Kidding.

[quartz pasture]

@warm totem

[sharp forge]

good word play

[quartz pasture]

so early

[frank rock]

lovely poem

[forest fossil]

.

[quartz pasture]

check pins to directly read

[quartz pasture]

@versed field

@pliant geode @strong flare

[quartz pasture]

@left bluff

[lean linden]

Hey! Once again, much much much apologies for my delay in response, I doubt if my current response will bring your anything but I do hope it helps somewhat! If I may remind, my opinions and criticism is all completely subjective and you have the full volition do whatever it is you please with it, thanks for your patience!

Before I even begin; your work has a high caliber vernacular with the diction of which you use which I find very appealing to my brain as comes with the very specific and nuanced associations with these words.

I also really like the way of which you craft the story; it's very stimulative and helps greatly with better picturing the scene at play.

Although I had not spent much time with your poem intimately; I am curious to know of possibly the inspiration of the piece! I also do appreciate the very cryptic nature of poetry and this poem specifically; but I feel some poems don't have to be as cryptic in their construction.

Nevertheless; I enjoyed reading this poem! It was very rich in vocabulary and it somehow struck me somewhere within my being; once again very sorry for the delay!!!

[lean linden]

I also am unsure to what extent I can say that I can improve this piece; and I'm not being cordial but I feel this piece is perfect as is. The cryptic nature of the poem prompts us to reflect and think about what's really being said here; I utilize a similar strategy with my poetry so I can assume similar is ocurring here. Nevertheless; I hope you are doing well! Once again, thank you very much for your patience!!

[quartz pasture]

oh hello

I hope ur irl works are sorted

[quartz pasture]

it is a poem which relies heavily on imagery, the hard part is that the reader must have a good imagnation, so it is not for everyone

it is a - point

I imagined a particular scenario and described it

[quartz pasture]

I will try to describe it the best :

"Two people, standing in a slightly dark room, an old small cottage the kind slightly raised by wooden stands, they could see each other but it was still dark as the sun was not out completely yet, the only source of light was a door and two windows parallel to it, where the poet stood. The place was near a beach, it was a pleasant day, the poet was watching the dust particles blown by the wind's inside the room slowly settle on the other person's long hair and also slowly settling on every surface, suddenly the winds got stronger, and stronger, it appeared a storm was coming, a gush of wind not as strong, but not less harsher then the winds outside, came in, suddenly all the dust collected on the head of the other person dispersed, a huge cloud of dust covered the room, as soon as the dust started to cover the whole room, the wind's calmed down, the sun's light was more than before, the poet looked at the other person, because of the light coming from behind him he saw for a small time frame, a magical scenery, he saw the dust slowly once again falling down, the sun had risen pretty high, and the other person looked more closer to heart than before, the dusts falling had made the path of light visible, the poet stalked the other person's figure, the light from behind now seemed to be the path of his vision, the Tyndall effect had made it so, that the path of light became visible, the poet slowly walked towards the other person, it appeared he was walking on his own's vision's path as the path of light was almost coincident to the poet's vision's, they both stared the person, as he took a step, more and more dust now settled on the ground, finally he reached the other person, the dust had settled completely, the two people were close, the distance made it so that it again felt they were in a dark room, the difference was that the poet was at the other person's end now, closer then ever. covering the source of light from behind."

this is tyndall effect for ur reference

[lean linden]

Yes yes yes; I work in writing and story/world building so this poem reminded me of my work; which I don't see to much of in modern poetry (at least in this server); so thank you for keeping that tradition/custom alive!! Lol

[lean linden]

Wowwww; I always find it beautiful how poets capture such distinctive moments in few words; that's one thing I like about poetry; it's like a place to keep memories

[quartz pasture]

I have never written abt a memory

if I did, it will prolly be like a nostalgic trip after I read it like some time later

[quartz pasture]

part of the reason why I don't want to write it

[lean linden]

I'm not referring to an instance that becomes a memory but the instance itself haha; I refer to the present instance we capture, not a past moment once lived

Well; idk, I'm somebody that doesn't like to have a heavy past; albeit my past is quite dark, I'd argue that for individuals with trauma; embellishment of the experience is to a certain extent necessary for an individual to move on

and, I advocate for reminiscence; it's one way we can stay connected with the past. albeit, I do struggle heavily with disassociation; so one day I keep myself together is through remnants of my past; it helps a little bit,

[quartz pasture]

hmm

well I get very emotional

so if I read something from my past

I would prolly cry 😭

[lean linden]

Ofc ofc, happens to all of us

Idk, I've learned that it's okay to cry, if anything it gives me a moment of release

[quartz pasture]

nah I feel, sad I am the opposite

[lean linden]

I don't like to carry any weight with me whenever I go, especially psychological weight; I learn to just let it go when it wants to be released from me

[quartz pasture]

I cope on myself... how cope can I get?

[lean linden]

it's alright to feel sad at times

do whatever is best for you i'd say

[quartz pasture]

mhm!!

[lean linden]

I'm someone who's probably "main personality" is sadness, so I've just learned to let it exist rather than to push it down

[quartz pasture]

oof

[quartz pasture]

literally u seem like the most blissful person

how is that personality "Sadness"

😭

ig we never know!!

P.S HOW IS UR STUDIES??!!

I hope u completed ur works

[ripe brook]

I like the ones that rhymes

[quartz pasture]

I do too sometimes

also wlcm to the server

[lean linden]

Oh that's just my people personality, I code switch a ton lolol; my real self is hiding behind the person you think I am

it's fake I know but you do not wanna deal with "sad me", 😭

[lean linden]

Busy!!!! But I'm trying not to let it stop me from doing what I want

But today I'm so tired; so I'm just letting my body rest

[lean linden]

LOL everything is still mostly in the works still; I'm focusing academics until I can focus my other things

have you been okay?? It's been a while

[quartz pasture]

very late response, but I have been aight

[lean linden]

It's alright! We're all busy; take it easy when ya can! <33

[slow nest]

*It's alright! We're all

busy; take it easy when

ya can! <33*

- lm.peky

[lean linden]

I plan on hopefully returning to my poetry over the summer, but I'm never one to stick to my word haha

[quartz pasture]

oh dw it will be fine

[lean linden]

For sure, but I'd like to do a little more maybe, if my body allows it lolol

but I should focus on my studies ofc, I can't abandon my commitments

[tranquil goblet]

@quartz pasture sorry to bother you but whats the meaning of this poem?

[quartz pasture]

it has no deeper meaning, it is based on a imagination of mine, for which I have portrayed in words and metaphors, bound in complex lines. the essence itself isn't deep, but each line itself has a meaning and imagery.

[quartz pasture]

"Two people, standing in a slightly dark room, an old small cottage the kind slightly raised by wooden stands, they could see each other but it was still dark as the sun was not out completely yet, the only source of light was a door and two windows parallel to it, where the poet stood. The place was near a beach, it was a pleasant day, the poet was watching the dust particles blown by the wind's inside the room slowly settle on the other person's long hair and also slowly settling on every surface, suddenly the winds got stronger, and stronger, it appeared a storm was coming, a gush of wind not as strong, but not less harsher then the winds outside, came in,

suddenly all the dust collected on the head of the other person dispersed, a huge cloud of dust covered the room, as soon as the dust started to cover the whole room, the wind's calmed down, the sun's light was more than before, the poet looked at the other person, because of the light coming from behind him he saw for a small time frame, a magical scenery, he saw the dust slowly once again falling down, the sun had risen pretty high, and the other person looked more closer to heart than before, the dusts falling had made the path of light visible, the poet stalked the other person's figure,

the light from behind now seemed to be the path of his vision, the Tyndall effect had made it so, that the path of light became visible, the poet slowly walked towards the other person, it appeared he was walking on his own's vision's path as the path of light was almost coincident to the poet's vision's, they both stared the person, as he took a step, more and more dust now settled on the ground, finally he reached the other person, the dust had settled completely, the two people were close, the distance made it so that it again felt they were in a dark room, the difference was that the poet was at the other person's end now, closer then ever. covering the source of light from behind."

sorry for the late response.

this is what I portrayed

this is the tyndall effect btw

[wicked quartz]

woah

[dawn terrace]

Wow that is indeed a beautiful scene

600 comments here WOAHH

[tranquil goblet]

thanks

[quartz pasture]

thanks

[quartz pasture]

thanks

[wicked quartz]

YOURE BACKKK

[quartz pasture]

thanks

[wicked quartz]

We missed ya

Gotta admit this poem is fire 🔥

[quartz pasture]

I am always online u guys never ping

[wicked quartz]

Is it? Well speak up na

How would we know?

[quartz pasture]

I do, just not here

[wicked quartz]

Elsewhere?

PewDiePie lmao

[quartz pasture]

real