lethal kindle
A pale sapling grew under the sky of sunlight of delight.
The sapling grew less pale but into yellow, as clouds block out sunlight, and storms pour out rainlight.
The sapling then grew down deep roots, the forest saw less green fruits.
The sapling rose as a juvenile, tall with eyes of green, and to gain sunlight in delight.
A dream, to grip the sun, and take in even more delight.
Hm, I guess a "sap under sun" would be a better title.
I actually don't write titles.
crystal prawn
The line Sunny sunlight is kind of redundant. You should work on rhythm say your poems out loud.
hallow saffron
The line Sunny sunlight is kind of redundant. You should work on rhythm say your...
I wouldn’t call it redundant, just put a , after sunny. As for the rhythm I think it’s good the way it is cause it’s tonality doesn’t conform to the norm when said out loud and given how common the theme is, the contrast formed works in the favour of the poem
So it’s 1 vs 1
Ask others what they think and see how you wanna approach
crystal prawn
Putting a comma after sunny doesn't make it any less redundant.
lethal kindle
The line Sunny sunlight is kind of redundant. You should work on rhythm say your...
It is to exaggerate, indicating naivety.
As the poem is about the sap and sun, I thought any other adjective would fall flat.
crystal prawn
I mean you could use radiant sunlight or dazzling sunlight something but sunny sunlight it's like saying the fiery fire or the hot heat you know
lethal kindle
Sun-ny sun-light of de-light.
That's why I chose sunny in particular
Oh nvm. I misunderstood. Yeah, I know it's redundant I just guess the sun sun, and light light had a nice ring in my head.
crystal prawn
Yeah I understood you're using alliteration but I was just saying you know sunny sunlight is not a good description to me