Starry nights call for
As Beautiful a moonlight,
As I watch the nightsky
The stars deliver a beautiful sight.
But the bubbles, are popping.
All the soap is over-Watch the starry night, dissolve
To dust and water. Watch everything
You loved. End. The night is stripped
Off it's beauty, now you Watch only but
A naked black. It's the end.
It's over.What, Now what remains in this end?
God? What is god?
Pain? What is pain?
Love? What is love?
How much more can you avoid?
It's the end. It's an eternal void.
#Void (VeX)
quartz goblet
@stone flax
Not the best I could do, I'm tired rn but I liked the prompt
stone flax
woah! impressive, i like it
quartz goblet
yay
boreal eagle
hey this is a great poem! i read htat u said its not the best you could do but i def feel its one of ur best due to a very specific reason. the "soap" thing made for a great metaphor and that conceit was ocontinued throughoyt the poem ("dust and water", "a naked black")
you should probably add more to it to solidify the washing-ur-hands metaphor
like, after u say that "The night is stripped // Off its beauty" u could say that "now you watch only but / your empty hands" cuz its like after you wash your hands only ur hands remain and the soap washes off
idk i see it that way and it makes the poem a x100 times good for me
also i do find the "God? What is god? / Pain? What is pain? / Love? What is love?" a little irritating. i def reccomend changing it the poem could get way better
the ending couplet is def good i rec keeping that
quartz goblet
hey this is a great poem! i read htat u said its not the best you could do but i...
yesssssssssssssssss
boreal eagle
also its bugging me a little so ill tell it to u, i think u mistakenly wrote "Off it's beauty" instead of "Off its beauty" ahaha
quartz goblet
also i do find the "God? What is god? / Pain? What is pain? / Love? What is love...
hm
boreal eagle
also any specific reason for "Beautiful" and "Watch" to be in capitals?
If ur interested in the whole capitalisation dickinsonian lore then i def reccomend u go more into it. what it means is, certain words can be capitalised and given this sorta "proper noun" vibe to them, make them feel like they are the proper noun name of something. it adds a lot of depth to the writing/. for example, here you could capitalise "Nightsky", it will seem like its almost the NAME of a real town or whatever