Love or Lust (would love any feedbacks)

[velvet cedar]

Your starting point is better than my current writing skill .

[shadow jackal]

Hey, thats a nice poem. I like the way you convey the feeling of trust and the topic as well! If criticism is allowed, I would like to talk about the use of sland in your poem. Words such as "lil" or "ya" are Id say rather unfitting, if the rest of the poem is in natural informal language and has a serious tone. It can destroy athmospheres but also be tools of symbolism undoubtly! But aside of all that I think your poem is beautiful :)

[austere crypt]

Hmm I see , i actually plan to rewrite it and make sure the stuff is in perfect rhyme as I feel it lacking at some places
Will also make the changes that you suggested
Thank you😅❤️

[austere crypt]

The old one was also an image, so I couldn't edit the original post
I thought some changes in it would be good, so well, posting it in the same thread 🗣️

[hasty rain]

@austere crypt

5 @ is the limit, ping more than that ang you get flagged as mass pings

take care from next time

[austere crypt]

My bad, thank you for removing the time out

@thin grove @young brook @woven remnant @brisk umbra

I forgot who else I pinged before ugghfhfhf
@autumn jewel @torn sierra @

[autumn jewel]

where poem?

nvm

[austere crypt]

Oh wait yeee @novel sorrel

[novel sorrel]

This is the best poem I ever read! 10/10! (Sar)

Oh, found it, my bad.

[austere crypt]

😭crazy sarcasm

[novel sorrel]

Ok, it is still a good poem. 8.5/10.

I can see censorship though.

[austere crypt]

L**t is supposed to be censored?

[novel sorrel]

No, the poems feels censored i think. But it is a sleepy thought.

[young brook]

Beautiful articulation and elucidation buddy lovely work

[woven remnant]

This is so wholesome. The ending especially, awwww 🫶🫶. This is beautiful.

[brisk umbra]

its deleted?

[austere crypt]

@brisk umbra

[brisk umbra]

oh lol okay

word play fab, delivery fab, overall immaculate

[austere crypt]

@hasty rain

[hasty rain]

where is the poem...

ohhhh gotcha

now lemme return to the resort

and ill read

[austere crypt]

Oka

[small barn]

Last line has a typo, it should be “that was the sign of a newborn trust” or “those were the signs of a newborn trust. The second one sounds better

Nevertheless epic poem!

[austere crypt]

Ah
My bad,
Thank you 🔥

[small barn]

@austere crypt would you review mine too 🙂‍↕️

[austere crypt]

IM BACK AT IT, NO 🔥

[small barn]

[austere crypt]

BAD*

[small barn]

Would you read it tho 💔

[austere crypt]

Yes

[hasty rain]

quack quack the poems quite remarkable. It captures complexities of love and trust in a relationship.
also the imagery of the shivering lips and wet eyes was beautiful, it evokes a sense of vulnerability and emotional depth

a few adjustments-

• first line, "gust" should be "gusting".
• then in the line "and those were the sign of a newborn trust" pluralise the sign to signs

well overall the poem is very skilfully written, lmao if I were in a relationship this poem would definitely reflect the dynamics in the relationship

8.5/10, wonderful

[austere crypt]

Thank you thank you
Appreciate the feedback 🫶

[austere crypt]

@latent badge

[dusk crow]

I liked that a lot. So wholesome 😭😭

[meager cove]

[meager cove]

damm this is good, a whole new level

never thought duck was really a majnu bhai.

well done work bro

[austere crypt]

[meager cove]

you are the new spirit of love bro

great poem

[austere crypt]

Thank you thank you❤️