You and me?

[desert brook]

I promise to love you forever,
Stronger than the sea, our love will never sever.
In our world, it's just you and me,
Where love is all we need to see.

I'll look for you everywhere I go,
Even in dreams, I'll let you know.
If you're not there, I'll wish upon a star,
To bring you close, no matter how far.

I'll do anything to find you, my dear,
Even defy time, without any fear.
Without you, life would lose its shine,
No colors in the rainbow, no stars to align.

I'll search for you in every place,
With every step, I'll increase my pace.
I'll either fade away or write a new start,
With you by my side, or forever in my heart.

In the end, it's just you and me,
Together forever, where love will be.

[native silo]

😭

sooo coool

[night pike]

wow, nice work!

[native silo]

Mashallah

yujiiiiiii

soooo goooooood

[coarse tangle]

wow!!

I'm left speechless everytime...... istg

That conclusion tho-

[desert brook]

thanks bro

[desert brook]

thanks broo

[desert brook]

Thanks!

@tight panther would deeply appreciate your feedback, if you wouldn't mind!

[cinder sun]

I think this is a really sincere poem. I liked the 2nd stanza but I'd change a few word choices to make it more intresting. Would u mind if I played with this a little?

[desert brook]

thank you for your kind words. I'd love to see your take on it.

[cinder sun]

You. And, me..?
-by Yujiii

I vow to miss you
(Love you) 'till forever rolls around.
An oath stronger than ocean,
Intertwiened to be never severed.
In a world of just
You. And. Me,
Where love is all we need to keep.

I'll look for you, everywhere I go.
Let me get lost in mazes of corn fields or in dreams that we shared.
If you kept hidden, like a gazelle; scared and fragile
Yet swift and agile... I would wish to stars to bring you courage to reveal youself to me later.

My dear; let me sacrifice everything I can
I will defy time, and let out the fear to never be seen
I need the kindle of life and my kindle burns with you
No color in the rainbows would be just a life without you.

Smth like this... ık kinda messed up rn but u get the idea

[desert brook]

wow!
I appreciate the unique perspective you've brought to this poem.
Thank you so much for your incredibly kind feedback! 🙇

@cinder sun

[cinder sun]

No problem it was fun ^^

[desert brook]

indeed u r a great poet!!

[cinder sun]

I think Im more of a "dreamy" type of writer... But sincere and "naked" poems are necessary as well.

[desert brook]

True!

[sullen kite]

this is such a beautiful and sweet poem!! ✨

[desert brook]

Thank you for your kind words!

[plush slate]

I really love the rhymes you have used.
It's a beautiful poem.

[desert brook]

I'm glad you liked the poem.

[desert brook]

@eager willow

[desert brook]

@eager willow would love to hear your thoughts on my poem.....!?

[eager willow]

Well why not, but you will have to wait

Haha ;D

[desert brook]

sure bro np....!👍

[onyx knoll]

AYO

This is very good poem!

Simple and dynamic, this is true definition of it

Nice!

[desert brook]

thanks bro

[agile salmon]

Sooo good , the line ( I'll either fade away or write a new start ) to the end of it ,amazing

[desert brook]

Thanks bro ✨

[sterile pebble]

Nice.

[desert brook]

thanks bro!

[azure girder]

its so ...... i think one the best poems ive ever read tbh

[desert brook]

Thanks bro...! I'm glad you liked it..! ✨

[eager willow]

This is nice. Good job. Although second line in first stanza feels off. Also I believe somewhere your rhyme scheme breaks. Gj anyway

[desert brook]

Thanks bro 🙇

[winter citrus]

Aw this is very sweet

[desert brook]

thanks bro✨🌙

[winter citrus]

I reallu like the rhyme scheme, and especially the star and rainbow metaphors from the 2nd, and 3rd stanzas

[desert brook]

Thanks 🙇

[next parcel]

Love this poetry as it resembles romance for someone.

The first stanza represents a promise in love, seeming to strengthen your bonds between you and your loved one. "Stronger than the sea" is powerful as it creates an even more promising way of love.

The second stanza represents an attachment to this person to look for them in a "majestic" way even if you can't find them.

The third stanza represents the desperate measures the writer will go to for them- the writer also shows the loss in life without them.

The fourth stanza represents a continuation from the second and third stanzas in greater detail, so not much to say about this stanza.

The fifth/final stanza ends off powerfully with a message for the writer's loved one for a forever bonding.

Criticism- it seems a bit bland and an overused amount of romance, it's not really unique or original.
- though I can definitely tell heart & soul was put into this

Apart from that- excellent poetry, keep up the good work, lad! @desert brook

[desert brook]

Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts with me....... ✨🌙(ur feedback is rlly precious)
nd u r right I really need to work hard

@next parcel

[next parcel]

I'm glad you appreciate it.

[desert brook]

u seems to be an experienced poet 👀

[next parcel]

A lot of people say that but I don't really see it in me lol

[trail topaz]

*A lot of people

say that but I don't really

see it in me lol*

- 33.33% shobi.exe

[desert brook]

how old are you?? ( if u don't mind)

[next parcel]

15

[desert brook]

okay

[next parcel]

I'm only comfortable sharing it in this server as it's a warm & welcoming community.

[desert brook]

yeaa it's

[desert brook]

gud ppl always find everything gud? so yeaa

[earnest gazelle]

well done

i like this alot

[desert brook]

thanks bro @earnest gazelle

[earnest gazelle]

NP ! would you like to read one of my pieces?

[desert brook]

sure

[earnest gazelle]

https://discord.com/channels/944439929734312006/1210544794850566165

[rough lava]

me and you bby if you wanted too after reading this