Valentine's Day Crush (Sonnet Prose) | The Art of Poetry | Page 1

dense sluice Feb 13, 2024, 2:01 AM

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Valentine's Day Crush (Sonnet Prose)

Today you will be mine, you are my crush
Write to me a letter, and tell me more
Ill hide you from deep in my hurtful rush
Keep me in your fairytale and folklore

Keep me nearby your family and love friends
kiss me Wednesday, i'll declare today
Will you love me if my life, loves from trends?
I'll wait here from the dreams from far away

I'll dream of you this Wednesday my love
With due respect I hope not to forget
I hide and play with you, sincere hot dove
My mind is worth never feeling regret

That my true feelings come from my own start
I'll never forget true love from the heart

hard lantern Feb 13, 2024, 3:11 AM

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@dense sluice Hello, what does "sonnet prose" mean?

I recognise your consistency in your pentametres and style, and I think it's a good approach—just mind the 9th line which has only 9 syllables.

On a different note, was this meant to be an iambic pentametre? I noticed iambs in a few lines.

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One thing that I do recommend, though, is not to force conformity in your lines; some things, like "keep me nearby your family and love friends" or "will you love me if my life, loves from trends" feel misplaced. It'll be a lot easier to comprehend if you stay to only a couple, elaborated metaphors rather than fanning out.

dense sluice Feb 13, 2024, 3:16 AM

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"Prose" means spoken language 'worthy', "Sonnet Prose", means a sonnet and prose put together in poetic form.

hard lantern Feb 13, 2024, 3:18 AM

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Some of the rhymes like "more" and "folklore" are clever. They contribute to the lightness of the poem. It does, however, seem forced in some places, on the contrary, as in "start" and "heart." I suggest broadening out to slant rhymes so your word choice isn't confined and so you can stay in the active voice.

hard lantern Feb 13, 2024, 3:21 AM

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dense sluice "Prose" means spoken language 'worthy', "Sonnet Prose", means a sonnet and prose...

Yes, but the definitions of prose and sonnet contradict each other, here. Prose is more likely to be associated with flash fiction and short stories because it lacks metrical style and stanza structure. The sonnet, being among the more stylistic poems—comprising, most often, an iambic pentametre, three quartains, an ABAB rhyme, and a couplet—directly contradicts this.

dense sluice Feb 13, 2024, 3:27 AM

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You or we should write one better to teach the folk here it would be much better. I like Shakespearean style poems and I have a lot of deep devotion to them.

hard lantern Feb 13, 2024, 3:27 AM

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Yes, we should.

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I've written a few Shakespearean sonnets in the past.

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Let me see if I can find one.

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@dense sluice

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A droplet fell onto the covered glass
Afore from billows, casted out from them—
Athwart the field of misadventured paths—
And 'till the dew slid off the hollow gem.

With each delay it grew impractical;
Its heavy weight had bound its soles with lead.
And from the heavens, failure fell in bulk—
A simple thing that bears my raining dread.

An innocent and joyous bead of rain
Outshines my creased and dimming palm's unrest—
Flamboyant gold reflects over the plain
And follows after glimmers which contest.

When soon again the sun's instransient,
The droplet to the billows soars again.

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I just had to fix a few things.

#Valentine's Day Crush (Sonnet Prose)