#Lost & Found ~Km

22 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

scenic mica
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I'm under the weather,
Chilled from drowning in the sullen rain

              -The rain of absence-

Washing away any hope that I had yesterday

   I find myself alone, lost

                  Thrown away by my one in a million

Who gave only crocodile tears when he said sorry

                                And he kicked me away like I was a deformed dog

                                But you....
                You are-

The apple of my eye in the eye of the storm-
A calming presence that will keep me warm-

 You are the first flicker of a flame-
                           I'm drawn in like a moth; I'll never be the same-

And I'll trip on my way to you;
Falling head over heels

And maybe then I'll know how it feels...

                        To forget the past
                    With your lips on mine
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Relatable

jaunty arrow
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I really like the metaphors you inserted in the poem while it's so sorrowful but yet still feels warm idk how to really explain it but when I read your poem it's like sitting in a dark room with fuzzy blanket next to a candle. But anyway i really like the format in which you wrote the poem

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And it's really nice how contrasted cold wet and rainy to warm flame and calm all in one short poem

scenic mica
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Thank you so much for your feedback! I'm glad you liked it :>

dapper hollow
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but The language is rly good

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I like the imagery

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no

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the narration

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the word choice is rly good

open dove
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This is telling me about a person who has hurt you and now someone else cam to fill that spot, never let them go. I love it the imagery and metaphors lull me to be at ease. Good poem mate

untold pewter
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Damn this go deep

past magnet
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Cool piece! Replace the clichés

dapper hollow
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Yeah uh

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It looks like omeone broke up w/ u or smth idk

scenic mica
daring quail
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i love seeing the transition in tone, from the the depths of despair to learning to love again and feeling a new wellspring of hope swell inside your chest.

however the "im lost" at the beginning seemed abrupt and kinda threw me off. i also think it was a little TOO much to the point, maybe you couldve conveyed it differently instead of telling us straight up that ur lost blursob it's nice tho, in it's own terse & tense way. i think maybe it was intentional, providing a pause? slightly jarring to my flow tho.

the poem is short and sweet and touching, feels genuine and pure. seeing two metaphors used together in "the apple of my eye in the eye of the storm" was a fresh thought to me, pleasingly.

as someone said before, impeccable contrasting, really highlighting the differences between both experiences and the sways of emotion. conjured some really warm images in my head.

overall really nice work!

past magnet
daring quail
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i like how they used expressions that were animal related like crocodile tears and a deformed dog in the same line