#its for a person that i love(d) so i hope you enjoy! (no title i need suggestions :( )

17 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

ripe shuttle
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If i could write about the beauty of your eyes,
The coming age would call it lies

How would they know the existence of such a beautiful being,
Whose looks far exceed to angels in the sayings

The pages of my notebook shall turn yellow and gray,
But my love for thee in an eternity shall not degrade

I lost the count of coffees ive drank
And lost the count of sleepless nights thinking about you

I pick up a pen and o' it breaks,
For it doesnt possess the ability to comprehend such beauty into words

Alas, the day arrive when we shall be separated,
I curse my faith in the raging storm

With melancholy i trample onto the ground and look up in the sky,
as i count my last breath with the memories of thee

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(its kinda cringe and im sorry for it)

runic token
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No it's great, not cringe at all. The hard thing with free form is it's hard to give any solid advice, because a lot of the other forms rely on specific flows and rhyme schemes. For the sake of appeasing your need for self-improvement, you could change the line "who's beauty far compared the angels in sayings.", because beautiful followed by beauty in the next line is a little repetitive. You could try , like "whose looks far exceed the angels in sayings." or something.

ripe shuttle
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alright!

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thank you so much

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i am definitely taking that into consideration!

runic token
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It's not needed though, works just fine as is

ripe shuttle
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thank you!!

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i got some more i wanted to share but im thinking to share them later on.

runic token
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I also write one haiku a day

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It helps build rhyming skills

ripe shuttle
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!

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alright

stoic joltBOT
runic token
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Oh and for title I like the sound of "I lost count of coffees I've drank." Or "I pick up a pen and o' it breaks"

ripe shuttle
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alright!