#A challenge to the common law of life by Douglas Malloch

57 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

mystic forum
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(The tree that never had to fight

For sun and sky and air and light,

But stood out in the open plain

And always got its share of rain,

Never became a forest king

But lived and died a scrubby thing.

The man who never had to toil

To gain and farm his patch of soil,

Who never had to win his share

Of sun and sky and light and air,

Never became a manly man

But lived and died as he began.

Where thickest lies the forest growth

We find the patriarchs of both.

And they hold counsel with the stars

Whose broken branches show the scars

Of many winds and much of strife.

This is the common law of life.
-Douglas Malloch)

I know a tree
tall and proud
that stands alone
Beneath the clouds
it's roots are wide and its trunk is thick
And it never once has fallen sick

I know another
Among a throng
With Timber weak
And roots that long
To taste the soil depleted there
By its cousins on the patch they share

I know a farmer whose father died
And left him land he worked with pride
Until the time his son took over
And began to tend the family grover

But alas oh spirit of the wood
I have for you a thought to share
Men and Trees are not the same
We bear fruit but not apples or pears

Strong wind bowls both over but where the broken tree may soon die
The broken man
Will lay down and cry

Tenderness beckons forth far greater things
Than wind that's harsh or chills that sting -Kristopher Terry

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@urban galleon

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@near night

near night
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rhymed too much in the first part

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not much biblical references

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too much Easter eggs

urban galleon
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That is a beautiful way to put forth the sacrifice and hardwork of men in the family

near night
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Could improve on simplicity of the poem

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Message of the poem was delivered well

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Overall 8/10

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Its a good foundation and start

mystic forum
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I don't understand Easter eggs?

near night
urban galleon
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It is good but I believe you could do much better, the first part rhymes a bit much and for people who are first time reading poetry it would be good if you break the poem into stanzas

near night
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Hidden meanings

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For example, "the lost tooth" could mean a lost part of ur life

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but teeth always grow back again as permanent

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soo

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do you get it?

near night
mystic forum
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Not really
The malloch poem isn't my own

And the poem underneath it I feel is fairly direct
Without losing the metaphor presented in malloch's original piece

near night
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okokoko

mystic forum
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I don't mean to disregard your opinion or critique at all

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Just
Sort of trying to mine it if you get me

near night
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i like this poem though

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it's kinda refreshing yknow

mystic forum
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Thank you

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How so?

near night
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#1200867211561156748 optional if you wanna read my latest poem

near night
urban galleon
near night
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It's always something dull and sad when I read something

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Lovesick or happy

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I don't see trees grass nor appreciation of hard work in poems

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It's interesting to see new types of writing too

urban galleon
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anyways at the end of the day, the poem you write is your own and the way you write it all depends on you

near night
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yup!!

mystic forum
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For sure

This was written in part also for my fantasy setting

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I think mallochs poem fetishizes suffering over perseverance

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Which I find troubling and problematic

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Malloch is so focused on representing how trials shape us as men (people in general really) that he entirely neglects the value of love and kindness and community

true sparrowBOT
near night
near night
urban galleon
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I'd love to read more of your poems, please tag me when you post

mystic forum
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Absolutely
@urban galleon

@near night and yea
I for sure love mallochs piece its one of my favorites
But
I think that the response
For me at least
Finishes the story

mystic forum
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@lethal dragon @soft iron

lethal dragon
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i like the rhymes ^_^ !!!! especially in the first part, i think they are a nice touch.
and i like the sort of "family tradition" of the farmer(s)

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i struggle a bit with words but be sure that your poem is amazing

fickle yokeBOT
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*i struggle a bit

with words but be sure that your

poem is amazing*

mystic forum
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Thank you Zeeke I'm sure you'll read the thread above so I won't say why I wrote this piece here
But I appreciate you compliment

lethal dragon
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youre welcome!! sorry for not reading the thread sooner, i usually read the poem first and the comments later :3 catstare

mystic forum
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No you're good
I mean
The poem is the piece on display