#experimenting on new writing style, need feedbacks

25 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

visual leaf
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Do dreams come true?
if so, I'm lucky,
i wished to meet death;
i met Persephone.

I could be Hades... what bright delusions i say.
you just dreamt of a maiden embrace yet you fell?
are you that lonely?
Do we deserve pity?

SO WHAT IF I BECAME DELUSIONAL?!
OUR LIFE IS TORN FROM A BURNT, DESTROYED; A GONE BOOK;
THE PAGES WHERE OUR STORY LIES IS RIPPED INTO PIECES!
EVEN NOW I AM LIVID,
I DON'T KNOW IF THIS POEM WAS WRITTEN IN REALITY OR IN OUR FACADE OF A MIND.

why are you angry? didn't you just exclaimed I'm just a useless ego?
where did this poem go? it became an argument so who lost?

so this poem was not for her, i lost.

visual leaf
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te

feral beacon
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WOAH

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WHAT THE HECK

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THIS POEM IS SUPERBLY GOOD!

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God damn

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I loooooove the way you make it like you're battle your own thoughts!

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10/10

visual leaf
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thankss

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although do you have any advice on how to improve?

feral beacon
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I think just stick to this kind of unique poem!

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Like mine, I love stalking killing Vibe poem

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Something gore

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This could be your coffee

visual leaf
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good point, but i'd rather try everything and not stick to one! poetry is an adventure for me! i;d love to make a unique writing style someday, taking every pro's from all the poetry styles i've done while erasing the cons!

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it's like

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making my own child/will

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the poem that'll depict my whole existence

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and this'll be fun, anyways thanks for your advice hehe

inner templeBOT
dim harbor
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ive enjoyed this poem thoroughly its full of emotion and passion, the onlything I would say is that the crossed out lines make it hard for someone with my lack of vision to read

visual leaf
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it was to symbolize it wasn't supposed to be part of the poem and just going on the characthers mind

wind egret
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interesting thought, with context between the lines

visual leaf
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dankeee