#Just A Soldier

1 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

unborn rock
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I am just a soldier. But I am not alone.
Some of us are bolder. Some will stay unknown.
The drums will beat beneath the feet of a thousand metal boots.
With weapons drawn, we tarry on
to sow our violent fruits.

We arrest on untilled land,
a motley crew,
a dangerous band,
this final place,
this last stand,
our conflicted wonderland.

A sword appears from mists as thick as the hell which we are going.
I jump back with fear,
I swipe to clear,
my tears which now are flowing.

I’ve been stabbed, my clothes run red.
Adrenaline keeps me nearly dead.
The shouts and yells echo overhead.
What is this place where I’ve been led?

A screaming face comes from the fog,
my desperate- injured analog.
He wields an axe with measured skill,
I raise my shield to stop the kill,
he sends a boot into my shin,
My bulwark strikes into his chin.

He staggers back with added rage,
But hesitant, to re-engage.
Now we stand, a moment lost,
I see his eyes regard the cost,
His jaw hangs loose and crimson red.
A bubbled curse is what he’s said.
But I’m not done- nor is he.
Between ally and enemy,
our middle ground is a sight to see
Though not for him, only for me.

So I've been Working on this one for a while. Let me know if the flow feels off anywhere. I don't think it is good to go yet.

alpine vigil
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long

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"to sow our violent fruits." this threw me, what does it mean? why the metaphor

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"Adrenaline keeps me nearly dead." good line

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very readable, perhaps overly long- but that depends what you're going for

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A few places where you ccould have been clearer

whole socket
whole socket
unborn rock
whole socket
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Hmm yeah I get it

shrewd jacinthBOT
unborn rock
whole socket
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I just think as a non native english speaker I tought it could not be written this way

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It really looked like a mistake to me

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Oops

unborn rock
whole socket
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Imma post one of mine you interested?

unborn rock
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I am not a huge grammar nazi or anything.

unborn rock
whole socket
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All good itll be there, waiting

unborn rock
# alpine vigil "to sow our violent fruits." this threw me, what does it mean? why the metaphor

Well I was sorta of playing the "sow what you reap" quote. In this case they are sowing violence, the action which allows them to reap their reward. "The fruits of your labor." Is a common saying as far as I know. So their reward is the fruit of sowed violence. I suppose I was just setting the scene and also I did not want the reader to think the speaker of the piece was a good person.

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Thanks for taking the time to look and read @whole socket and @alpine vigil

whole socket
pine lynx
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Just a soldier. But not alone.
Some are bolder. Some unknown.
Drums beat beneath the feet of a thousand metal boots.
Weapons drawn, we tarry on
sowing violent fruits.

A sword appears from thick mist.
I jump back with fear,
then swipe to clear,
tears, I’m stabbed, my clothes run red.
Adrenaline keeps me nearly dead.

A screaming face comes from the fog to kill,
He wields an axe with measured skill,
I raise my shield to stop the smash,
he kicks a boot into my gash,
My bulwark staggers him. Now he's aghast.

Hesitant, to re-engage.
Now we stand, both dazed,
His jaw hangs loose a dirty red.
A bubbled curse is what he’s said.
I’m not done- nor is he.
Our middle ground, a sight to see.

unborn rock
pine lynx