#my eyes are on the floor -mai

13 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

hallow elbow
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like there's so much hate projected into this piece, the emotions are strong, it's a good piece with simplicity

open shadow
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I like the theme you’re going for could I offer a suggestion?

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Just a question before I offer an suggestion, I see you repeat the end of each stanza with “my eyes are on the floor” are you intentionally mentioning “I hate” or referring back to yourself?

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Sorry

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So basically after each stanza you say “my eyes are on the floor”

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What I’m asking is, at the beginning of every stanza do you intend on say “I hate” or “I’m managing”

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Thank you but can I make a suggestion

warm palmBOT
open shadow
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Also great poem btw

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Take out some of the wordiness

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For example, “I’m hardly managing to pass” try to simplifying it

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For example

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“Barely passing, my eyes are on the floor”