Piñata

[digital lava]

I think its paper machete ? Shill reading

Do you want praise criticism or both

[clever swan]

criticism please

[clever swan]

ty

im prob gonna delete this in a bit

[digital lava]

Stanza 1+2 i think the second “paper” it gets a little repetitive cuz theyre close together, id suggest a synonym instead, maybe ribbons or strips?
Feels like youre losing the line of thought by stanza three
I like stanza five
Stanza six feels like it picks up again but then ends abruptly, kind of jarring last line and not in a good way
Despite this i really do like the poem keep it up bud ^^

[clever swan]

thank you so much! 🩵

[digital lava]

<33

Feel free to ping me specifically whenever i can give better critique usually im just a bit rushed atm

[clever swan]

no worries and thank you so much! 🩵

[solemn oar]

Wonderful! @clever swan has just pregressed to level 7!

[glossy remnant]

this was good, why deleted?