I don't understood nothing
#Thursday's Revelations
fresh hollow
It's bad
No flavour!! No aesthetics!! And most importantly, you added the worf "pray"
That's prohibited ooga booga 👹
errant notch
I liked the poem, however I feel like there wasn't enough imagery to make it an imagery poem. I think just romanticizing a few more things could make it read prettier (the literary style, not like love . . . obvi)
fresh hollow
It's about him dreaming to be a girl
dry carbon
i am a girl
topaz yoke
It's about him dreaming to be a girl
😂
topaz yoke
i am a girl
Oop
fresh hollow
Are you turning into a guy
dry carbon
no ??
topaz yoke
Well. It feel like you are telling a story or trying to describe something. But your stanzas are poorly put 😭
dry carbon
alrighty
fresh hollow
Then what's happening
topaz yoke
You enjambment is all over
dry carbon
okay so basically its on the theme of growing up right
and im explainig how i just finished watching the virgin suicides
opal lotusBOT
topaz yoke
I feel it would be better if they were joined together but nice job.
dry carbon
and im like having this revelation on what girlhood means
topaz yoke
and im explainig how i just finished watching the virgin suicides
What virgin suicides
topaz yoke
and im like having this revelation on what girlhood means
Oh oh
fresh hollow
okay so basically its on the theme of growing up right
You're having puberty?
topaz yoke
You're having puberty?
😭😭
dry carbon
well yes, but ur a man so you wouldnt get it
topaz yoke
This bro ain't pulling no stops
fresh hollow
It's ok you'll always be a girl
You will never grow up
fresh hollow
Yeah all I'm thinking is "this mf is having puberty"
dry carbon
its not puberty, its just an analysis on the inner sexualization you have when you grow up and i guess when you hit puberty
i allude to that in some lines
either way, im describing a feeling, an emotional state, its for an anthology
fresh hollow
"it's not puberty, it's when you hit puberty"
dry carbon
yes the sudden realization
graceful mossBOT
yes the sudden realization
Wonderful! @dry carbon has just pregressed to level 5!
dry carbon
very explicit i would hope
lusty haven
i love the virgin suicides!! i totally see the vision
lusty haven
"it's not puberty, it's when you hit puberty"
ok. "We are Shadow Garden. We lurk in the darkness and hunt down from the shadows. That's the only reason we exist and live for..."
compact acorn
i'm pretty sure the other ppl r trolling 😭 either that or you know each other but like if u don't don't take it to heart dhsjds they asked some dumb questions tbh- i think it's really pretty i really like the line "i hold onto girlhood the way your hands wrap around monkey bars on the playground" !! i definitely think you could've added more imagery to like make some things more alluded to and less literal but it's good overall ! also i ❤️ the virgin suicides
compact acorn
ok. "We are Shadow Garden. We lurk in the darkness and hunt down from the shadow...
ur so real for this
fresh hollow
We hunt down the demon who made our race suffer👹 don't try me or you'll face the consequences grrr...
fresh hollow
i'm pretty sure the other ppl r trolling 😭 either that or you know each other b...
"I hold onto girlhood the way a monkey koala hold onto it's mom" or
"I hold onto girlhood the way the tree grip the ground"
dry carbon
We hunt down the demon who made our race suffer👹 don't try me or you'll face th...
alright edgelord
fresh hollow
alright edgelord
Don't interrupt I'm edging rn 🥵🥵
compact acorn
"I hold onto girlhood the way a monkey koala hold onto it's mom" or
"I hold onto...
okay then !
compact acorn
We hunt down the demon who made our race suffer👹 don't try me or you'll face th...
shivering in my timbers 😣
dry carbon
Alright
as i sit on my bed on a random thursday afternoon
i stare out at the credits, the black screen stares back at me
its screaming and pointing at me, and i see myself
i come out of this thursday afternoon with a revelation
“cecelia was the first to go”
and i have never felt so much gravity in my chest
i look out the window, its pouring and much
like my eyes, they start to well up too
i feel a heat within my stomach and i get up
i say goodbye to the duvet that was once saturating me
and shielding me from that creeping thought
that has penetrated my mind since i turned 13
i drag my feet to the bathroom and there i stand
i silently trace each curvature, each line and each dip
and somewhere, like ringing bells in a cathedral
i hear playground love by air in the distant
nothing feels real and dissociation is near
i hold onto girlhood the way your hands wrap around
monkey bars on the playground, tight and clasped
but like anything, without any grip, they loosen
and soon i find myself on the ground with woodchips
they stab my hand and tingle me back into reality
from the window i see an ebb of light
shifting its way to the front of the sky
soon a web of light appears, with each sunbeam
forming together to create the dew after rain
and i pray, i say “please let me be a girl for a little while longer”
for i have never felt so seen for what i fear
lapis vortex
Is this about entering adulthood
graceful mossBOT
Is this about entering adulthood
Wonderful! @lapis vortex has just pregressed to level 1!
dry carbon
Is this about entering adulthood
Essentially yeah
lapis vortex
Your poem beautifully captures a moment of introspection and vulnerability. The imagery, emotions, and introspective journey conveyed evoke a strong sense of connection to personal experiences. The exploration of identity, nostalgia, and the desire to hold onto fleeting moments is poignant and relatable. I'd rate it a 10 for its evocative and sincere expression.
"Echoes of Thursday: A Prayer to Hold onto Girlhood"
dry carbon
Will keep in mind
lapis vortex
Well done
dry carbon
Thanks 🩷
dry carbon
From the nearby window frame, I see an ebb of light,
Shifting its way to the front of the sky,
Soon a delicate aftermath of rain.
A soft glow appears, with each sunbeam,
Forming together to create the glistening dew.
And I pray, “please let me be a girl for a little while longer”,
For I have never felt so seen for what I fear.
(is there enough figurative language to be deemed an imagery poem?)
Thursday's Revelations
lapis vortex
It’s ass
dry carbon
alright how come
if you're not going to provide the part that was "ass" then youre just a hater for no reason
robust quest
Your poem beautifully captures a moment of introspection and vulnerability. The ...
your ass for putting a chat gpt response
lapis vortex
Bro just put ur poem in chatgpt it will rate it for u
😂
What’s wrong with chatgpt?
robust quest
nothing wrong with it but if your not gonna read someone's work and give them unauthentic feedback its rude and shows you clearly have no respect for people
lapis vortex
I mean I probably gave the best feedback out of everyone buddy
dry carbon
i appreciate it but honestly its just reiterating what i said
robust quest
I mean I probably gave the best feedback out of everyone buddy
I stand by what I said
lapis vortex
Ok I don’t care what u said
robust quest
Then you can enjoy being ignorant peace
lapis vortex
✌️
ancient apex
I mean I probably gave the best feedback out of everyone buddy
what you gave wasn't even feedback
ancient apex
I stand by what I said
i support you
lapis vortex
Ok
topaz yoke
?warn 1165255404347985932 Sexually harassing someone who just wanted critical feedback, being borderline sexist, being antagonistic
brittle flumeBOT
orenking has been warned, this is their 2nd warning.