#The last flower

11 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

snow zephyr
#

We smother the blood of insects
to create paintings on the walls
we see them whimper and crawl
to hands tall as the Taj Mahal,
vulgar to even touch as they hush
mighty feet washed off by tsunamis
as their microscopic organs splatter like paint
the beauty of its brush to Picasso bugs faint.

I watch from a thousand peacock eyes
flutter their wings so that all life can fly,
you are not a thing but a being seeing this world
just trying to survive inside of honey hives.

We pillage ants from their sandy volcanoes,
strip wings from sunset moths for their rainbows,
and steal the glow at night from the lantern bugs sight.

There is war in this world so small that it's large,
drilling skin for its oil from a ticks bite
stinging eyes so we don't see at night
insects shielding nests or what we call pests
letting them rest in eternal slumber,
till the bees are all dead
and we pollinate the graveyards instead.

lofty ginkgo
#

strip wings from sunset moths for their rainbows
is a wonderful line as well.

That last stanza feels as though it could use work compared to the rest. Almost as tho it didn't hit as hard. That said, there was a lot of thick imagery leading up to it. Most of the individual lines were good, really good. Together, however, they can get a bit confusing.

snow zephyr
lofty ginkgo
snow zephyr
keen sparrowBOT
snow zephyr
# lofty ginkgo If you do, it'd be nice to read it! Again, a lot of the imagery was really good,...

whats your opinion on something like this:

We smother the blood of insects
to create paintings on the walls
we see them whimper and crawl
to hands tall as the Taj Mahal,
vulgar to even touch as they hush
mighty feet washed off by tsunamis
as their microscopic organs splatter like paint
the beauty of its brush to Picasso bugs faint.

I watch from a thousand peacock eyes
flutter their wings so that all life can fly
you are not a thing but a being seeing this world
trying to survive inside of honey hives.

We pillage ants from their sandy volcanoes
strip wings from sunset moths for their rainbows
and steal the glow at night from the lantern bugs sight.

There is war in this world so small that it's large
drilling skin for its oil from a ticks bite
stinging eyes so we don't see at night
shielding nests from what we call pests,
letting them rest in eternal slumber
till the bees are all dead
and we pollinate the graveyards instead.

#

feel like the ending on the 2nd stanza was pretty powerful so it could be good to switch it to the last one

lofty ginkgo
#

That is a much stronger ending, actually. You've got a solid start too. That first line is a 'good' image.

snow zephyr
frigid saffron
#

Beautiful to read, love when poems mention insects